"parasite outbreak blamed on taco bell because they're the only company reporting it" feels very "1918 flu blamed on Spain because they're the only country reporting it"

Here are the 97 House Dems who voted against the Massie amendment to end security assistance to Israel. They were joined by all Republicans but Massie himself as well as DC delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton.

every gardener i follow is going absolutely hogwild flexing that they eat lettuce from behind their house. i've never seen gardeners act like this in my life. this is our super bowl. this is our olympics. gold medal in shitting normally

OK. So beach umbrellas that don't meet the latest safety standards and these flesh eating flies in Michigan.

Is this the best game ever played in the Atlanta falcons stadium lol

Skull fractures - bad. Skull togethers - good. Wear a helmet when riding.

for people not into sega IP the dlc characters for sonic racing crossworlds looks like this

The Amazing World of Tomorrow

Do you think if we lifted the president like the Vince D'Onofrio pig, he might experience wonder for the first time?

I don't want to quote someone just to dunk on them, but this is the most deranged sports take I've heard in a while. This can't possibly be how Astros fans see it, right? First, they CHOSE to cheat. They developed a cheating system and got caught, then never apologized or had any real consequences.

Happy 5th anniversary to my favorite-ever, most relatable professional baseball quote: “if you always feel miserable, it offers a sort of consistency.” @jrfegan.soxmachine.com

MLB Players Share Their ‘Welcome To The Show’ Moment https://theonion.com/mlb-players-share-their-welcome-to-the-show-moment/

me reading the news yesterday morning vs me reading the news this morning

I'll relieve everyone's stress これをこうしてこうですっ☆こうですっ☆こうですっ☆

'do I have a dream' ..................... 'wouldn't that be nice' it sure would Sam

Under a Binface government, anyone who doesn’t accept human-made climate change as fact will be sent back to school, from Year 1 right the way to A Levels, to see if anything goes in the second time round. #VoteBinface

RIP to the incomparable Sam Neill

other best thing:

mandatory reading

This feels like the senate trade deadline. what the hell is going on

i will say lindsey graham being asked by a reporter how mitch mcconnell is doing, answering “i don’t know, i’m going to check right now” and then dying is hilarious

“He was a warmonger but he was fun at dinner parties.” Just stop.

Lindsey Graham got the diarrhea and died. "There was nothing left when he was done," said an aide. "Now we have to try to put the diarrhea back in so we can bury something three dimensional," he added. RFK Jr. is going to give kids in school diarrhea to honor Lindsey Graham and make them stronger.

god I hate mlb. why is the home run derby only on netflix this year

When I’m too excited my brain just starts mashing all new info together so right now I keep thinking “Lindsey Graham has died after being thrown 8 feet in the air by a bull bison at Yellowstone National Park”

It's the Lindsey Graham is dead party!

Change in Headline

It’s like when your food is taking a long time to come out so your server brings some free bread to apologize for the wait.

You're laughing? Mitch McConnell and Lindsay Graham are in hell being sewn together into a human centipede and you're laughing?

People say you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself, but that’s not true Everyone has times when they can’t love themselves. Even then, you can still love someone else deeply If you can’t love yourself right now, please don’t worry One day, you’ll be able to love both yourself and others🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

no matter your politics it’s disrespectful to joke about someone’s death. don’t say lindsey graham died from smoking a cigar because the cigar exploded in his face and his pants and socks and underwear flew off and then he dropped the cigar on his penis which also exploded. don’t say stuff like that

I am hearing that on his deathbed Lindsey Graham received the light of Islam and unhesitatingly recited the Shahada.

remember, be careful what you post on a day like this. If you do it right, you can get illegally fired for being disrespectful to Lindsay Graham and then win a massive lawsuit about 10 months from now and retire with 2 million in your pocket

Norway isn’t winning because that one pedantic guy refuses to row.

Gurren Lagann is correct about its central conceit that the entirety of the power of the human spirit is ignited at the intersection of hope, belief, faith & trust. And that despair not only limits imagination but is also a spiritual death that leaves us helpless when facing humanity’s adversaries.

*Bellingham taps his own ankle and falls over* Commentator: should the nearest Norwegian be executed

the ballad of Mr Bobby

get this stupid ass cluade commercial out of my face

new and improved mrsugarpenis dropped

DID YOU KNOW IF YOU FIND A HORSESHOE CRAB THATS BEEN TAGGED BY THE FISH AND WILDLIFE SERVICE AND SUBMIT THE LOCATION YOU SAW IT USING THE FORM ON FWS DOT GOV SLASH CRABTAG THEY SEND YOU A BEAUTIFUL CRAB PIN

Yeah I like the Taco Bell Fitness Course. Fittin’ this Taco Bell in my mouth of course.

I HIT A HOME RUN OMFG

Everyone in my house has their own text file. Visitors to my home are invited to use guest.txt

Umm...

The Women’s Professional Baseball League team based in Boston is named after Harriott Hunt, one of the first women to practice medicine professionally in the US www.reddit.com/r/baseball/s...

This is what people sound like when they believe something like a guy with a Nazi tattoo is a fine choice for the Senate

Playing badminton with Mitch McConnell. We talked about the midterms and Iran. I took the first game 15-0 because he is unresponsive and lying on the ground.

I’ve thought about this tweet so often I had to go look it up

Mexico please