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counterpoint: Weapons (2025)

And I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany's And she said she'd like to watch Roman Holiday Then we discussed maybe streaming Sabrina And I said, well we still need to see Charade

you KNOW when the soundtrack in the movie switches from extradiegetic to diegetic during the course of the same song??? it's absolute bedlam. me and the boys jumping up and down, screaming, breaking the couch etc

This is why we fund scientists to study things like oyster slobber even if you don’t think it sounds important

He died, for your fashion sins

Sure there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism but some of it is waaaaay less ethical.

One Cattle After Another (2025)

Happy Bisexual visibility day, from VGAPride!

don't say people weren't celebrating, that won't help. they're coming after people who clearly weren't celebrating. what you need to be doing instead is defending everyone they come after no matter what because they don't get to make mourning nazis a requirement. concede nothing to the fascists

in retrospect, there’s probably never been a name as threatening as “America Online”

Editor: You get that illustration of the box of Grape Nuts and the gentleman? Illustrator: Sure did boss, real fuckin sexy just like you asked. Editor: what.

well ain't this place a geographical oddity?

PALPATINE: Did you ever hear that the Pixies recorded a second, much slower, version of “Wave of Mutilation?” I thought not. It’s not a record they would sell you at the mall. It’s a slow jam for real heads, and you can only get it in European imports

I thought she was drinking out of a hose for 35 years

I really want there to be a Nancy pinball machine just so it can say “SLUGGO IS LIT”

you’re not reelin in the years, bro? you’re seriously not stowin away the time?? lmao. grow up.

Me, starting a new show: this shit better be gay

Guy who invents time travel but finds out that it’s impossible to change anything in the past without disrupting the Space Time Continuum so he uses his Time Machine exclusively to try Limited Time Offerings from Fast Food restaurants throughout history.

#cowtools #Tool #FarSide

I asked ChatGPT and it said that I was a credulous rube who would believe anything if the message was delivered with a sufficient degree of fawning subservience

sure isaac asimovs foundation was great but what about his eyeliner blush and nail polish

KING: you there! Baker! how many blackbirds did you bake in this pie?? BAKER: four KING: are you fucking stupid?? that’s not nearly enough blackbirds you idio- BAKER: and twenty 💅

water left in a glass overnight tastes bad because it gets haunted

yeah lemme marry a uhhhhhh archaeologist

Guy who gets eaten in a zombie movie because he can't figure out a Tesla's weird little door handle

Change my pitch up, caulk my sink up

what always kills me about this stuff is that most people won’t even know. they don’t know what happened today, and the direct line between it and their loss of healthcare or what have you. That the misery encroaching on their lives was intentional, and done by people staring them in the eye

“Existing in this world? That’s a statement of bravery. One we applaud you for. Don’t ever underestimate how much courage it takes to be human. We’re all in this fight together” -the back of every bag of like, ranch-flavored pita chips

Fortunato (coughing): You’re certain the Criterion Closet is down here Montresor (picking up a trowel): Definitely. Have you thought about your picks yet

ok buddy let's take it down a notch

manager: you make that allergy warning sign for the counter? employee: sure did boss, real fuckin ominous just like you asked manager: what

The Phillips TV Test Screen, and what each section means. Images from Wiki

you don't see husbands realizing they forgot their anniversary and searching for a gift and seeing the necklace their wife wanted in a window for $50 and pulling out an empty wallet and moths flying out and then seeing a poster that says "BOXING MATCH FIRST PRIZE $50" and saying "hmmm" much anymore

you belong here. with us

Imagine you had sex with Columbo and he didn't get you off and he starts getting dressed and right before he leaves he goes "oh, just one more thing" then just goes crazy on your shit, straight animalistic, giving u the craziest orgasm of yr life

Sound of Falling sounds terrific, but this is the first thing I think of when I see the poster.

Bewitched, bothered AND bewildered? In THIS economy?

me: (studying menu) so what's good here? venus flytrap: [indistinct whisper] me: sorry, what's that? flytrap: [inaudible] me: (leaning in) sorry I can't hear--(jerks back) oh hoho, nice try, pal

Happy Gould Friday

I hope the designer of this lil guy on my pizza box lives a long and lovely life. Look at this meatball.

they made cherry tomatoes so you have something to heckle babies with

"how the hell did they get the van buren estate to sign off on this?" -- me through all 10 hours of the brutalist

I love leaving voice mails for my senators where I say things like "the USPS is very important to our country" as if I'm helping a small child with a book report or describing our civilization to an alien

No one knows how many clowns can fit in a cybertruck because they all have too much dignity to be seen in one.

DIG through the fridges to MAKE some sandwiches theres HAM and what looks like arugula

"we're going to turn people against federal employees" you mean like their mailman? You think they're going to hate the mailman and not the person threatening the mailman?