Powering up youtu.be/_ul7X5js1vE?...

Sum 14Words

“guys… guys. come on now. just…it’s time sit down and.. hey put that down”

I think anyone who follows me already knows this but… don’t use the r word. ever.

yes I injected fluid into my penis. no I’m not a ski jumper

like when @rmj.bsky.social seethed for weeks because I said his rainbow suspenders didn't match his assless chaps

you may think figure skating is the crown jewel of the Winter Olympics, but it’s actually @ginerso.bsky.social navigating the sidewalk in a snowstorm

going way back: my brother and I bought the ET game for Atari when we were kids and it was an unplayable heap of dogshit

I've been struggling to find a way to say exactly this. the Olympic *organization* is corrupt and vile. The Olympic *athletes* are amazing and I love watching them and falling for their stories

summer olympics: ooooh look at me I can run in a circle, la dee da winter olympics: *skis a mile then fires gun*

A traveler from an antique land--great guy--said to me with tears in his eyes "Sir, two vast and trunkless legs of stone stand in the desert." And I said wow, that's really something. But we'll be building a big beautiful statue to my hubris and it will stand for eternity

I asked for an AI summary of today's bluesky feed, and congrats to Anthony Edwards for getting Dril arrested for picking a fight with a high school girl in Texas

my children today

why would you ever give your haters this information

COMMONER: I love tacos but never know what day to eat them on GUY ABOUT TO INVENT THE GREGORIAN CALENDAR: hold up I have an idea

what idiot called it water vapor cooling as the temperature drops overnight, eventually settling on the grass in your lawn so your dog's feet get wet when they go out to pee in the morning instead of dew process

crime?

the pure joy this writer must have felt

I'm firing a client today and it feels amazing. I've only done it once before in 27 years but this dude absolutely deserves it

new They Might Be Giants guy dropped

came home from pickup soccer and my large adult son was rewatching Band of Brothers. sat down with him and didn’t move for three hours, no regrets

how many eggs are in my pocket? what the hell are you talking about

The Monkees >>> The Beatles

$1.50 Costco hot dogs

you could tell anyone that the lineup is Kid Rock, Brice Gilbert, Lee Barrett and Brantley Gabby and they would never know

I tried to put "Sam Darnold is the favorite to win Super Bowl MVP" into that meme generator but my laptop unplugged itself and walked in to the sea

What a beautiful story!

*setting a reminder for tomorrow* hand it to Bad Bunny

Trump missing a new executive order that you know what? it’s actually ok to shit your pants sometimes. very manly

baklava. it’s just… try harder man

this is the UConn team I’ve been waiting for. Firing on all cylinders

these Everton kits are… a choice

not true! the reporter who broke the story was murdered

*hey jude voice* wood stove you’re fucking rad take my cold feet and make them warmer

I was only on Epstein island to figure out how to get away from Epstein island

man oh man this is a perfect article. actual journalism with a perfect dose of stupidly, written in a great voice. RIP Dan. Princess Diana Bought That Eagles Jacket Herself - defector.com/princess-dia...

inside your noteys there are two wolves

in times like these, we need JaNee from Mahalo more than ever youtu.be/8Lf4qFL9nGU?...

"don't worry Kristi. We're just gonna go visit some sick dogs at the farm"

if muting people is cowardly, then I'm a coward

folks when I say stay for the ending, stay for the ending

if only there were some kind of crystal ball to have seen this coming

in a double gut punch for Greg Bovino, when he gets home he'll find out the elves no longer want him making crackers

exclusive footage of greg bovino fleeing minnesota

he should spend that money on a home-made submersible instead

really looking forward to the shame, confusion and anger Noem will feel when she gets disposed of like hot garbage. Bondi should also sleep with one eye open

BREAKING: Greg Bovino Dead After Being Left in Hot Car

Kristi Noem you're gonna need this. a bus is super heavy