feeling compelled to post this new yorker reject from years ago, for some reason

folks we’re going to see some wild litigation between the world’s worst people

also my favorite sports accomplishment youtube.com/shorts/Vp7w_...

one year ago! still really fond of this one

the thing about me is not that i have a little soupçon of OCD, it’s that through years of research i’ve found The Pattern. this causes many clinical therapists to become jealous

filling your e-reader with library books and then turning on airplane mode so you have a long time to read them: it's free AND legal AND not rude (the ebooks still become available to others at the end of the loan period)

people who used to gripe about "participation trophies" are strangely silent now that everyone in the media wins a Fell For It Again Award every single day.

there's a new world order waiting to chestburst out of this one and we're currently in the "involuntarily shuddering and contorting and vomiting at dinner" phase

If my human therapist talked even ONE person into a suey, I'd stop seeing them forever. LLMs are actively poisonous to mental health!

Got a cab near the Department of Education. Hadn’t seen the Charlie Kirk banner before.

one of those mornings where I wake up with yesterday's feelings just sitting on my chest. "oh hey you're awake," they say, "remember the 2008 RNC?"

This reminds me of that Frankie Boyle joke about how Americans not only come to your country and kill your people, they also come back twenty years later to make a movie about how killing your people made their soldiers sad.

@hellocullen.bsky.social thought you’d like to know that our pirate source gives us the Korean cover

the mild manners are job security, baby www.noncanon.com/comics/2026-...

white baby: wheel of samsara be turnin LOL me: white baby you can't be talking like that

I just feel so fuckin old, man.

cleaned my sneakers

me in my therapy sessions

you were right when you said traffic and weather on the fives you were wrong when you said thirty minutes (thirty minutes) non stop (non stop) ad free (ad free)

New theory: in the song You Were Right, Doug Martsch is singing directly to his radio.

Americans do not want this. They do not want another war in pursuit of regime change. They want relief from the affordability crisis. They want peace.

Thinking about this quote from Persepolis creator Marjane Satrapi again.

The world could be such a nice place if we allowed it. It's all so goddamn unnecessary. There's no need for any of it. It's so beautiful here. It should be so cool to be alive

I used to think it was poor planning that kept me from learning anything about the Vietnam War in high school.

This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave Of Anti-Americanism vs. No It Won’t

Pursuant to a post I made earlier about the delivery robots: this is the sound they make and the speed at which they travel. You’ll hear one on our block for ten minutes at a time.

max landis once yelled at me on twitter for criticizing cards against humanity which is a sentence from a mad libs book forged in one of the major hells

Hey Chicago! This art market is tomorrow, it’s free, and I’ll be there!

Many many many people are telling me this is a good cube from a strange angle. I understand, but I contend that this is not the cube he meant to draw, based on his self-deprecating chuckle at it. Thank you.

LMFAO I LITERALLY KNOW EXACTLY WHY THIS HAPPENED AND I CAN CONFIRM TO YOU IT'S ENTIRELY 100% ON THE PART OF WHOMEVER PROGRAMMED THEIR PHONE SYSTEM THIS WAY 👇🏽🧵

Chicago is experiencing frolicking weather. If you need something from anyone in Chicago, try again next week. We’re outside.

Da video. Once again Genius Night is off the chain. This show is so good. Thank you to all who came out

Genius Night forever. My brain is expanding at an alarming rate (alarming to my enemies, including Mummys and Tom Harrison's Pants)

i stand with my trans homies! 🏳️‍⚧️ fuck this administration and the rotten animals who’re in charge! and fuck the disingenuous losers who are just “asking questions”!! here’s a question i’m “just”asking: when will you die!?

replica cube

@junlper.beer it was nice to see you tonight!

guy at the bar asked Tom “can I draw a cube in your sketchbook?” and then spent forty five seconds drawing this I’m dying

Chicago, you showed *up* for Matt Johnson & Jay McCarrol, and they have not forgotten it! We're touched by their kind words on the We're Watching What? podcast🥰 NIRVANNA THE BAND THE SHOW THE MOVIE is Now Playing at the Music Box🎶 Showtimes & Tickets: musicboxtheatre.com/films-and-ev...

Intern: Patient's 35 years old, checked in because he saw a dog that was "too big" Dr. Robby: Come on we talked about this. You can't come in for that Dr. Al-Ashimi: Actualllly, one in three dogs is too big *she looks at the camera* And it's perfectly normal to be afraid of them.

my cat when she attacks my hand: you are cruel, wicked, and bad hearted. you will never produce anything of beauty. my cat when she lies in my lap and looks up at me: you have accepted love and warmth into your heart. your virtuous deeds will rock the foundations of the century

'fraudulent amber alert' is the sort of thing that simply must have decades in prison attached to it because of how corrosive it is to one of the few remaining high-trust law enforcement/public safety mechanisms.

I love working at the closed captions factory and putting "[speaking foreign language]" directly on top of the subtitles

If you’re coming to Genius Night tonight (and you SHOULD), please be a comrade and wear a mask!

Abolish the legal gender marker entirely. No government can be trusted to have a database of which people have changed theirs, no government has any business tracking what your gender is "supposed" to be in the first place.

on the way down www.noncanon.com/comics/2026-...