dear king features

3 minute comic

fucked up to post a Relatable Content type drawing and get a bunch of new followers and instantly know how fast they are gonna bail when the mechanism really kicks in

DEATH BED CONFESSION SCOTT ADAMS says "DILBERT admits" to killing SIX ho- meless men in the late 80s! "Sometimes he was just so angry," said ADAMS, "Only one thing helped." MURDER! Seems DILBERT has a MEETING with the ULTIMATE POINTY HAIRED BOSS: SATAN

2-minute comic

My whole life, advocating war has been fed to me as “the adult position,” akin to drinking your coffee black or reading the business section of the newspaper. Let’s be very clear — war is the childish nonsense of impulsive destructive idiots playing baby-brained video games with real human lives.

This is a comic about television and stray dogs

1 minute comic

I'd been asking my dad for a while for a "pretty" piece of scrap wood to replace it--I was imagining a piece of offcut from one of his beautiful handmade cutting boards. On Christmas morning, he told me he didn't have any pretty scraps lately, so he just... made this for me. Incredible!

another Free Taste of the comics I've been posting as patreon exclusives, on this squirrelly saturday morning www.patreon.com/posts/145151...

gesturing with the vape pipe at the coffee table like an old sea dog explaining ye can’t take a ship through that strait— for the tides move ill there, and only t’were Ol Scratch’s breath on my very neck would I chance it—best ye take the safer way an leave thar to the ambitious corpses

It feels like certain types of guys are unable to take in information in solitude. It has to be a conversation, explanations tailored to their thought patterns, with someone they perceive as servile to them. They can’t read an email: someone has to tell them what it says, even if it’s incorrect.

The chat is talking about JR Book Club in 2026. Pupils rolling around in my sockets like a Junji Ito guy.

everyone's parents: You will get more conservative as you age me at 46: legalize all drugs, abolish prison for all nonviolent offenses, and force the politicians with the lowest approval rating to participate in The Running Man once a month

basically this but for empire

Yelling at my label printer when I hear Rod Serling voice over “meet Sara McHenry, an autistic failure. She spends all day mailing things. But she’s about to be sent to a place where the postage can’t be paid in cash. Postmarked… the Twilight Zone” god damn it. This is the last thing I need!!!!!!

new year, new showing of TÁR don’t rush it, it has to last you all year

farewell and adieu to the last of 2025’s veggie Italian beef

bean the cat is going into ketoacidosis and we’re taking her to an emergency vet. if you have any bucks you might be able to spare, my venmo is @lillianboydwrites. thank you i love you

getting together a heist team of North America's most burned-out cartoonists to steal the surreal amoral rubber-limbed stream of consciousness energy of the Peak Boop Years

snakes leave behind whole skins. all manner of flying creatures, not just butterflies, do them one better, whole new selves from wriggling worms. rocks into gems. mystics die to the flesh to be reborn in the spirit. rebirth is the rule, not the stray exception, if we can grasp it

I accidentally read 5 of Pynchon's 10 books in 2025 and by god I am determined to read the other 5 in 2026.

any discussion of city transit improvement online ever

A shithoused Ryan Seacrest in the Times Square Olive Garden: folks, no matter how you spin it, sure feels like we live in a fake country. Just racism and hamburger. You are not here, and you are not family. Throw it to a commercial for a drug you can’t pronounce or afford

Read the whole first chapter of THE HOBBIT out loud and did all the voices so now my own voice has gone Smoker Mode. I sound practically mature.

it’s not just all the missing masterpieces in our landscape, but the soil that has been leaches of the fertility of strange failure. it won’t get good again until it can get weird and it can’t get weird until the ecosystem can support an ed wood in every town larger than 50k.

a load-bearing post for me 🖤

I have still not been paid the large amount I’m owed from work. It is supposed to come soon. In the meantime I am trying to come up with a few hundred dollars for bills and food. If you can help me out I can pay you back when money arrives. Thank you. Sorry. PP: @StellaSacco CA: $sacc DO NOT VENMO

"Name a perfect 90s food that isn't pizza, calzones, stromboli, or deep dish" that's you. that's what you sound like. your prompt is dog shit dude

what i learned about publishing short stories online in 2025

I'm only $210 away from my mortgage payment. Next grocery run will be about as much. Can you help?

modesty laws prevented showing even one lousy frame of John Waters' PINK FLAMINGOS (1972) in the trailer, so the only footage in it is of people reacting to a screening they just came out of. every single type of extant queer person is contained in the specific sequences I have selected here

John Cusack nearly hit me on his bike because I was doing a big gesture and not paying attention

it does kind of feel like a lot of bluesky users spent four days around their extended family and immediately got on here to be like "the pizza you ate as a child sucks. the twin cities are overrated. what else. pencils should be illegal" you all are disregulated and you need to settle down!!

🎵 Here we are as in olden days 🎵 Happy Honda Days of yore 🎵 Those in winter in need of cars 🎵 Get low APR 🎵 Accords

I don’t know man if capitalism has just resulted in a small network of pedophiles destroying all life on earth then perhaps we should consider that it is a complete and utter failure as a system

conscience is the wound, and there’s naught to staunch it

I sent this video to my friend and she got mad at me

The grinch is a kind of green gorilla who hates certain things

Please can you help me stay sheltered and fed beyond the next couple nights as I recover from pneumonia

oh brother, another bad post from political influencer beltway brian. i am furious at beltway brian all of the time. i share screencaps of beltway brian's posts with people who have no idea who he is. i hate all of beltway brian's posts and i read all of them every single day, including weekends