day one in mamdani’s new york

mission inn, angle 1, orange street, riverside, california, 1978

mission motel, san bernardino, california, 1977

I recommend this book to anyone who owns a Lakhovsky Multiple Wave Oscillator

Every single time someone threatens to tax Peter Thiel he emerges, glistening with abhorrent mucus, and shrieks about the antichrist and how he's going to permanently move into his doomsday bunker. And, for some reason, no journalist ever just asks him "hey man, why so moist?"

Become ungovernable

Religion is what happens when mansplaining gets out of control.

No matter where you are, you're at most only about 4 miles from certain death - a distance you could easily walk in the first half of a football game. Gravity is the only thing holding us back. The stars taunt us for our inability to reach the oblivion that is the entire universe. Eat arbys

A thin joist of a spine never yet upheld a full and noble soul.

Does anyone want a survivorship bias shortbread

Sometimes I ONLY wish there was more cheese

2014 is gonna be my year

In a nation with more than enough wealth for everyone to be well fed and comfortably housed, capitalism requires poverty for many so a few can experience 2 mins of 0 gravity in their dick shaped rockets

Woke up 2 hours before my alarm and couldn't get back to sleep so I get it serial killers

I am hearing that on his deathbed Donald Trump is receiving the light of Islam and unhesitatingly recited the Shahada. He has accepted Muhammad al-Mahdi as the Twelfth and final Imam. Truly there is no god but Allah, and Mohammad is his prophet!

Your cat when you're choking to death in your apartment

A List of Things Said to Have Been Ruined by Women 🧵

a strict reading will tell you that warren zevon saw both lon chaney AND lon chaney junior walking with the queen

the vibe in NYC suggests a Zohran-related baby boom in nine months.

hell yeah eugene debs

I feel like Confucius didn’t say any of that.

JORDANO.BMF

i would like a candidate to run on rounding up the guys who decided to lock up all the moisturizer and toothpaste at the drugstore and putting them in a lion enclosure until they promise to stop doing that

was demonstrating to charlie the principles of 'barefoot shelving' when i trod on a sea urchin. who on earth leaves a sea urchin lying about in a bookshop

So Jurassic Park is about a group of rich people who don't understand that biology is far more complicated than "there are only two genders" and how this ignorance toward gender fluidity in nature causes these rich people to lose their money and die.

Where it’s legal to own a raccoon in the U.S.

"We're going to create superintelligence" How about making outlook search work first. How about that

I stand by that typo.

ACIP members are asking questions like: Have you ever studied texting and whether anyone fell into a manhole and got bitten by a rat and then fell face down in sewer water and a snake bit their toe and then the ambulance crashed to determine if texting had adverse effects?

kinda wild that capitalism is a system in which CEOs have a fiduciary responsibility to not defend the rights of their workers and democracy because if they do their company gets destroyed and then shareholders would be sad

People talk as if I can’t hear what they’re thinking

Visualizing your goals makes them easier to abandon.

opening a Spirit Halloween where my patience used to be

Can’t wait to read the Big Beautiful Obituary

having a cheeky peadog this fine afternoon

you’re the one arguing with an internet duck

The dirigibility of the cringles is my eagerest forpining. Yet their expandibility is embittering and bemuddled.

As end-of-empire scenarios go it is so much more dignified to get your capital city sacked by the Visigoths than to have a bunch of illiterate rich people in their 70s doing it through a series of incomprehensible tantrums because their brains were defeated by their phones.

Find someone who believes in you the way the DC commentariat believes in "Israel-Saudi normalization is the key to peace in the Middle East."

you have been visited by "Le Boulanger Quebecois" repost to receive his blessing

anyone can light up a room if you bring enough gasoline and matches.

Mamdani must explain his tweet from 1740 BC claiming that Ea-nāṣir had "high quality copper"

Scotland is, as I’ve long maintained, an elaborate prank:

i asked the cashier why didn't they loosen regulations to encourage profit margins on local businesses and then he laughed and pulled my shirt over my head and spray painted a hammer and sickle on my tummy

even as a little boy, I knew I wanted to grow up to have 17 different parking apps on my phone

The summer solstice is just a made-up holiday to sell more henges.

You don’t have to post about the guy you don’t want to post about. You can just post about cheese