Also, Hello Kitty isn't even the best character in the Hello Kitty universe:

Last Christmas I gave you Paul Blart The very next day, you bought a Segway

here’s your annual reminder that if you get sensory overwhelm at large social gatherings and need to find a quiet spot to chill/reset for a bit, that is 100% okay and you should definitely do it 🎄

They have put Catchphrase on and promptly fallen asleep. I cannot see the remotes. I think they are sitting on them. It's just me and Mr Chips now.

wishing a very [rat boy kiss] to everyone

God give it a rest ye merry gentlemen

dress up warm ❄️

Inside me are two wolves 🐺I never get any help with Christmas dinner I have to do it ALL myself 🐺Touch anything and I will KILL YOU

joseph and mary would have loved social media, the way they expected everyone to worship their child

And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, it's not true, he did not, he did NOT. OH HI MARK!

And Tiny Tim, who did die... NOT!

most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns

After a warning from the ghost of Bob Marley, tonight I will be visited by three little birds.

Lol at the "Get off Twitter, they made a button to put your pictures into AI" messages aimed at the crowd for whom "Get off Twitter, the owner was throwing Hitler salutes on stage at a political rally" wasn't enough of an incentive.

Ha, I had an oddly similar idea two years ago (inspired by @allwrongthink.bsky.social tweeting "God Rest Ye! Merry Gentlemen"):

I made these with & for my daughters when they were small. Each little gingerbread house was about 3 cm high. Afterwards we ate the whole village like 3 Godzillas🦖. Really hope your day has good things in it, especially if you struggle with this time of year x🌿

I'm genuinely not sure what point she's trying to make with that shirt, but maybe someone should point out it's a feature, not a bug?

Just has absolutely no right to be as good as it is, even all these years down the line. Magnificent.

Hey I am here to remind you that trigger warnings might be widely maligned in pop culture but they are up there with alt text on “things you should do on social media” particularly when the triggers are infanticide and rape

All the leaves are brown And the sky is gray I've been for a walk On a winter's day I'd be safe and warm If I was in L.A. California dreamin' On such a winter's day Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the waaay

Was at a Christmas party with a load of clergy last night and as some people were leaving they found a person collapsed on the street outside so the Verger took over and called an ambulance and sent all the clergy away because "if they wake up surrounded by priests that'll just make things worse"

being trans in 2025 is like playing quietly on your game boy in your room not bothering anyone and then your drunk parents kick your door down and start beating the fuck outta you for "ruining the entire family" but all you've done is play game boy in your room without bothering anyone.

He's making a list He's making a list He's making a list He's making a list Santa Claus is making a list

Genuinely can't believe it's been 6 years since losing my Dad. The world is a noticeably less interesting place without this magnificent weirdo in it

Terrifying headline if you don’t realize they are sports teams.

Every time I'm in a restaurant I remember Kevin McAleer's reply to a waiter who told him the Soup Of The Day. "Where there any other contenders?" "Um, no?" "A hollow victory, then".

There’s an old Kenyan proverb, often used when someone is being loudly ignorant, that goes something like this… “Unlike the stomach, the brain does not alert you when empty.”

Fleas Navidad.

Ebenezer Scrooge? The London financier?

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found out he was a bug and not a feature.

and tiny tim, who was NOT in the epstein files,

You have no idea what I’m incapable of.

Learned today that “Galápagos” comes from a Spanish word for tortoise, meaning that “Galápagos Tortoise” is, in fact, a tortology

if mike judge married judge reinhold his name would be mike reinhold

Beach Boys sang about cars even tho they’d never driven or seen a real car

Yes I know them, we went to Twitter together.

Found this in a recent article., addressing the post-FWS coverage of 'biological sex' in the media. Oh no wait, I didn't - it was written by transfeminist Irene Clyde (under her male signature). 95 years ago.

Introducing the Cool S, For Her™

To the best of my knowledge none of the poetry in my head has ever paid any rent, they just top up the metre sometimes

I don't care what brand it is, I still don't want it

hi my dame is what, my dame is who, my dame is chika chika dench judy

I’m like the grinch but for regular days

I'm rebranding my executive dysfunction, from now on I will be "serving can't"

This will improve your day immeasurably.

They're small. Muddy knees. Higher voices than adults. Easy.

Pronouncing the “bygones” in “let bygones be bygones” like cajones

Does anyone want a survivorship bias shortbread

Obsessed with this photo of my cat