Bottom right reminding us to enjoy 500ml of 7.5% abv caffeinated fizzy pop responsibly

Based on my instagram ads, more people need to know that taking a lot of magnesium will make you shit yourself.

every single person writing credulously about "elon will put people on the moon" should have to pin this post to their monitor

I love sending exactly three WhatsApp messages to my longtime political mentor Peter Mandelson

sensational

He desperately wanted to go to MLS and it makes me happy that he couldn't.

got some drafts locked and loaded thanks bluesky

Incredibly sad and depressing

Questions, friends?

jack asked if i would sketch up a poster to tell people in nearby neighborhoods about the partnership between flock and ring, and this is what i came up with. it can be printed on an 8.5x11 sheet of paper.

I was gonna watch the Lucy Letby documentary, but there's a cry laugh emoji stuck on my screen for some reason, and it would feel inappropriate

But if we mention this they will still bring up beans on toast.

Post a banger not in English. The video goes hard too. www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUdt...

A subarachnoid haemorrhage is bleeding with a spider on your head.

Biden Grateful He’s Not Alive To See What Trump Doing To Country https://theonion.com/biden-grateful-hes-not-alive-to-see-what-trump-doing-to-country/

If you rub a genie out of a lamp, it's really important that you wish for infinite riches so quickly that your brain hasn't had time to process the global good those wishes could do.

I'm convinced AI is our generation's radium - a discovery with genuinely useful applications in specific, controlled circumstances that we stupidly put in everything from kid's toys to toothpaste until we realised the harm far too late where future generations will ask if we were out of our minds.

The only good thing to happen in the past year is Mick McCarthy becoming a tiktok sensation.

Two book events next week. Come along, why don't you? Feb 17th, House of Books & Friends, Manchester: houseofbooksandfriends.com/event/author... Feb 19th, Urmston Books & Board Games, Urmston: www.urmstonbooks.co.uk/broken-biscu... #booksky

In Boston ICE randomly pulled over this huge white Irish guy with a Mass drivers license, 20 years in the states, legal status, pending green card and have held him for 5 months, his citizen wife paid a $4k bond that was ignored(!) ICE forged his signature on deportation agreement, no appeal

I can't believe you're all joking about when two or three hundred of the most powerful men in the world lost their best friend to suicide 😔

There isn't a time in my life when I knew who Peter Mandelson was and didn't know he was dodgy as fuck. I knew that when I was 14 years old.

I keep getting instagram ads for elasticated waist cords, and I'm not mad they got that targeting wrong, I'm mad that they got it right.

we're all celebrating now but remember we've just released a new substacker and podcaster into the wild

As every year, the winner of the Super Bowl will be determined by which team’s fan base prays most fervently

To watch sport I either have to know everything about it or nothing about it, but find it objectively impressive. The Winter Olympics is serving one of those purposes for me.

There are so many hospitals with norovirus outbreaks at the moment. Please remember to WASH your hands with soap and water. It's a savage illness and hand sanitiser doesn't kill noro.

So far vindicated in my belief that I'll stop treading down the back of my trainers if they fasten with velcro.

Being cooked for when you're feeble is such a tender act

Its wild to see members of the PLP say 'we simply wouldn't have won without McSweeney.' Lads, you were shooting fish in a very small mug. A magic 8 ball could orchestrate a win over 2024's tories. The reason you are facing an existential crisis right now tho is McSweeney.

You never seeing Erling Haaland in a Fair Isle sweater and I think that's a shame.

You can't expect us to believe these men are of the same species.

Funny

I've had a lovely deep, long sleep and Liverpool will not kill my vibe.

Psychiatry appt actually yielded an appropriate amount of rescue medication. Blessed are they. So I've taken one and plan to sleep soundly then haul myself onto the sofa tomorrow to restore my health bar. Any reccs for youtube curios are very welcome. Especially comedy, tech, or medical science.

Is there a good "greatest posts of all time" thread on here yet? I could do with drifting off to sleep ugly laughing.

Thanks for insurance advice, everyone! I really appreciate it. My poor little drenched flat.

I haven't unclenched my jaw since last August.

I've long been a support of Brentford change strips, but I don't care for this one.

Bus driver must be able to veer away from those big curb puddles rather than soaking through a pedestrian, right? That's got to be, at least a little bit, malicious?

Chris came up with the "Flamin Hot" Monster Munch flavour. Many say this could only be created by a man with the deft intellect of a scientist, but the heart of a poet.

This photo is funnier than it has any business being people.com/hairdresser-...

Just another head's up that my twitter account was hacked, so if you're suddenly following someone named "rosemary" with an improbable number of followers for a tesla bot - that's not me.

What in the inconceivable resurgence is this?

Once someone points out that Everton are Pakistan there's no unseeing it.

fuck off, everton.

I love Ian substack. If you'd enjoy an excellent writer exploring non-league football grounds and their environs, plus assorted musings on football, life, and everything, I can recommend it very highly.

Spurs v Man Utd better be funny, I swear to God ...

one of the greatest human triumphs of my lifetime is the relentless, unceasing, heroic effort by DECADES' worth of doctors and scientists to find a cure for a disease much of the world didn't take seriously for years because it predominantly affected a community they thought kinda deserved it