A single reply to the thousand posts I make into the void. Come one. Of course I would like to explode me head if you all ignore me forever. I've nobody in real life, joining in here still having nobody is a kick in the balls.

I would please like credit for the fact that I showed up to a Stand-up class in 2012 with three short poems about Yul Brinner, Steve McQueen and Robert Vaughn as part of my act and justified it with "I can't remember the rest of the cast of the magnificent seven."

And sure, the one where 15 year old me was already wanting to kill herself on.soundcloud.com/bwO1nXknYjR3...

capybara and chickens are friends

The only one that's gotten any listens on Soundcloud but that can only be for the title, it's not good on.soundcloud.com/anT3Pm4AxICn...

The one where if you skip to about 3.30 in, there's just a great break-beat and ochestra stings and turns out that's a fun mix on.soundcloud.com/2mlSF7NZqLVp...

The one where I just checked out a book of classical sheet music out from the library, sequenced it in midi and spammed it together on.soundcloud.com/y6LClf8304yo...

The summer's gone the sun is going down the night is getting closer and my heart is growing cold.

The one where I nicked the choir offof a Take That song on.soundcloud.com/FJyJh3AiXWnv...

The one where I cut an Eisenhower speech with a bit of Cartman somehow on.soundcloud.com/MABHhr7a1GC4...

The one where I nicked a bass line offof Air on.soundcloud.com/MABHhr7a1GC4...

I have this conversation with Ginny about potato chips regularly. Also "you literally cannot taste sweetness and you're lactose intolerant, why do you want to drink the sugared milk left over from my cereal"

Eee, him off Mercury Rev sings high, dunnhe?

I always dreamed I'd love you I never dreamed I'd lose you In my dreams I'm always wrong.

Hate the idea but nobody I know in person uses this place, pals I made when twitter was doing it thing aren't interested any more. I follow all y'all and you all seem like strangers. It's not a good place, I got to 45 with no real world social life. I will die from this.

Replaying Arkham Knight (again, 400hrs playtime logged on my Steam account) and the fucking Manbat jump scare got me AGAIN

If you were BOTH supposed to climax during sex, they'd have named it an 'andgasm'.

Who's bought them?

show us your eggs, i yell into your secret crevice

Bit worrying that they keep calling this NASA launch a "crude mission" :s

The couple that came immediately to mind that live on in my head as single phrase references ("Day 3: I have eaten my wife" and "Noun me, Graham")

Burning Car had really sold out since it moved from Frank's Car Lot

Weird that Eugene Mirman was booked for Burning Car in the first place.

Kinda shitted up about you all seeming excited about the US sending folks around the moon. Don't have glad about what that country is doing. No please. What?

What the fucking fuck are you doing, you dumb cunts!?

A day out. We saw the beasts massing on the red horizon. Chippy for tea, diet can wait, lol!

Watched the UK version of Last One Laughing (not sure when it went out originally) and it kinda reads like a load of comedians got together for a day just to tell Bob Mortimer how great he is. And I was very much on board for that, as a show concept.

I’ll be honest, ‘Easter Egg’ wasn’t my first thought of what this looks like…

Wedding night #gigolas

Star Trek figured this out thirty years ago. It's not hard. Even an old, drunk Klingon got it.

I miss @thatpeteraustin.bsky.social 's ANAL

Once again, the hateful cunts want to be really loud about being hateful cunts then play the victim when we call them hateful cunts. Grow the fuck up, you little whinging fuckers.

I like my men like I like my coffee. Soaked, fermented, skinned, dried, shipped internationally in barrels, roasted, ground, freeze dried, stored in jars, boiled and advertised by Anthony Head.

To make a "blooming onion" you have to cut into it and separate the parts in a very specific way, coat it in flour and deep fry it. Turns out the process isn't quite the same for a "blue men group".

It's International Transgender Day of Visibility today. I see you. And in the words of one of my original heroes for anyone who may have a problem with today, or trans people... "Leave any bigotry in your quarters; there's no room for it on the bridge" - Captain James T. Kirk

Happy Trans Day of Visibility! This is the day that trans people disable their cloaking devices for 24 full hours! Good to see you, gang

i love my trans friends and colleagues and if you don't: fix your hearts or die 💙💗🤍

Pearls before swine Except after 9.

It's Trans Day of Visibility. The bastards will see this robot coming, but it won't help them.

The bats have left the belfry The victims have been bled Bela Lugosi's taking Italian And Robert De Niro's dead.

One time I was in an accident and saw my life flash before my eyes. It was a montage of the best sandwiches I ever ate set to a Smash Mouth song

It's important to remember, reading this, that RFK Jr wouldn't have a fucking clue whether a map of the middle East was accurate or not

Why can't I have the kind of anxiety that makes me clean my house instead of the kind that makes me scared of going out with my friends

'Member about 12-15 years back when Tim Minchin was all over UK comedy. Then he disappeared into trying acting, some failed big writing projects. Hate that, I didn't want his career to progress, I just wanted Tim singing fun songs on my telly always.

As I remember it, my reaction to the first series was "this feels like a sneaky way to let the entire UK comedy industry give Bob Mortimer love" and they invited him back in for series 2, and I'm still onboard for this show existing just to position Bob as king jester.

There is no ethical consumption of HBO’s Harry Potter series

Pope Leo on Palm Sunday: “This is our God: Jesus, King of Peace, who rejects war, whom no one can use to justify war. He does not listen to the prayers of those who wage war, but rejects them, saying: ‘Even though you make many prayers, I will not listen: your hands are full of blood’ (Is 1:15).”

"Hello, my name is Chris and hymen Al colonic." "It's I'm an alcoholic." "Oof, is there a beginners version?"