Ireland holds its breath, waiting for our Taoiseach to say "Ah, sure, things happen."

Excuse me I ordered a life bed.

Anyone who doesn't dress up as an admiral and try to infiltrate an event in Wales should be ashamed of themselves to be quite honest.

Look at this place. Doesn't even have a roof. Terrible. 2/10.

I hope this email finds you, and this email only has to be lucky once.

He's taking the peace.

Bulls are in danger of going instinct because people no longer buy china plates in bricks and mortar shops.

Next Friday 16th Jan ⭐️ @whelanslive.bsky.social

Interesting to see that so many of you are willing to quote the notorious elephant murderer George Orwell. I guess some animals really are more equal than others. Disgusting.

White House staff will be keeping Trump distracted making decisions about "running Venezuela" while they destroy America.

He'll bomb the side of a hill then declare victory without putting a boot on the ground.

Just to remind you all that the thing about Blue Monday being made up to sell holidays was made up by Ikea so people would say "Holidays are lies, I'm buying some shelves."

Fabergé was just a shell company.

FACT: On this day in 1982 overpriced and slightly dry sandwiches were invented by the Earl of Marks and Spencer.

We should spend 2026 convincing an Irish politician that the secret to electoral success is copying Trump's make up. I don't really care which politician but I reckon the best place to start looking is the Seanad.

In today's show we'll be taking a long hard look at shy people.

Huge if true.

Shocking to see millenials using social media to openly plan their hacking sprees.

Watching an old film about traditional Finnish knife making. Apparently "knives have a long history in Finland." Fascinating.

I had an annual tradition once.

The reason for falling literacy levels is known to all the so-called experts but none of them have the courage to admit it. The alphabet is quite simply too long.

Gonna open a restaurant called Actually That's Far Too Much Salt.

I feel a great disturbance in the force, like a million Glenroe theme tunes playing at once.

FACT: Kim Philby's full name was Kimberley Mikado Philby and to this day soft crumbly biscuits with pink sticky stuff and jam are never granted the highest security clearance.

Greenland is NOT in Africa.

We practice what we preach or we don’t.

This will hurt United Russia in the midterms.

I am also currently running Venezuela.

2Driving2Miss2Daisy

Experts say you should probably be indoors right now.

I reckon that old story about China causing earthquakes by jumping up and down may not be entirely true.

Nothing like an invasion to make everyone realise they'd been right about everything all along.

It's ok to support Trump if you also shake your head to indicate disapproval.

Here is Jools producing a fresh batch of Hollandaise.

It's hard to explain to young people how efficient the internet used to be. It just took seconds to find out which Game of Thrones character you were.

Eggs Boogie Woogie are served with ham and a Jools Hollandaise sauce.

If you watch the Rumble in the Jungle backwards it's an unboxing video.

The correct term is "evidence."

I hate waking up with a hangover and getting an email saying I bet $200,000 on an invasion of Venezuela.

Dry January is offensive to fish.

Here’s to pulling out by the roots all that doesn’t nourish. May we garden our lives to bloom.

This this this is why I paint toy soldiers.

FACT: Early cameras required up to 15 minutes exposure under legislation to prevent early upskirt pics.

You'll be the next Bernard Manning.

Yesterday I heard a man, who I know for a fact is not a vegetarian, say that he doesn't eat sausages. Any kind, ever. That is deeply weird.

It's amazing to think that over a thousand years ago the Chinese could make a road out of silk.

Remember when Budweisser did the wassuuppp ad and it was so annoying you can't get Budweisser on tap in Ireland anymore?

Es ist wieder soweit! It's time to take down and responsibly dispose of your xmas tree. Please consider the Christmas tree cannon

New line of iced kittens available in Tesco apparently 😉