it's just dawned on me that trump thinks fifa and antifa are the two sides of the coin

Mexico this Mexico that

Tap into the most powerful revenue stream you have. www.theonion.info

Taylor Swift & Travis Kelsey had to get married at Madison Square Garden because they are more in love with each other than normal husbands & wives.

JFC no wonder Disney cancelled it

mate's 5yo daughter 3 weeks ago, coyly: daddy, i learned a rude word today mate (oh no): what was it? d: [whispers] piss m: ok, well yes that is a rude word, it's ok to say it sometimes with your friends but please don't say it in front of granny or at school d: [emboldened] i also know cunt & fuck

i don't have enemies i have reluctant friends, late-adopting enthusiasts

marching into the copshop with a handwritten list of friends i suspect of affiliation with the loony left

Since apparently this isn't making it beyond UK news yet, Rockstar petitioned a British court to section an 18 year old autistic kid under the mental health act for hacking their server and leaking a short GTA 6 clip a couple of years ago. No trial, no term of sentence, just locked up in hospital.

you've all lost your minds over some light-hearted greggs marketing

wait he was ALIVE??

earlier I posted some lyrics from "Bicycle Race"

so many people say i can't understate when they mean overstate and vice versa, many broadcast journalists included

linkedin world cup altitude discourse is all here's what running in a circle around the sofa with a carrier bag over my head taught me about customer segmentation profiling

England. Sunday 5th July, 11am: "Just popping out for a swift half. Want anything from the shop?" England. Monday 6th July, 5am:

Unfortunately I, A Slightly Podgy Middle-Aged Man, Just Tried to Run Up a Hill And It Looks Like England Will Really Struggle

As much as the chancellor speculation has been really stupid I don’t think I can take another three years of the Prime Minister being like “I’m just a little guy and it’s my birthday” every time the nature of his government is interrogated.

on the flip side, when mexico play at wembley their players take one breath then float off into the air then their lungs explode

Sorry your kids all go to shitholes my son's school is flying the whole class out to Mexico guess we're just better parents 🤷‍♂️

A reminder that Robert Jenrick once lost an election to be President of his student union when he was the only candidate standing. He lost to "re-open nominations" or R.O.N for short. And then he lost the second ballot too. #jenrick www.thetimes.com/uk/media/art...

my whut

i will *insist* you are the rightful owner of lake windermere to *anyone* £499/year

i will leap over *anything* £400

haunted by leaving a customer service chat with these as my final words

this is what the cashless economy will take from us

i will eat all that old wood at the bottom of your garden £45/hr no mdf

will puke on your love rival's front door, just need £80, an oversized lasagne & an address

horrible recipes for unwelcome guests

alexa tell my guests to leave

[on my deathbed]: tell me straight doc, did i do too many reposts

put your friends on edge by only replying "i see" after they tell you anything

hi sorry to dm it's the queen mother here i need £600 to come back from the dead and tell you why if you think *we* killed diana you're still not seeing the bigger picture

Cab service where the drivers are screened for the impulse to tell you what they think about things

never let them tell you you're not weird or stupid enough

when someone asks your star sign tell them you don't know

shag mariachi avoid

this ref is the gene hunt of football, time-travelling from the 70s

French Error was the name of my jazz-prog band actually

absolutely wild what this ref and VAR have let paraguay get away with

bluesky is such a nice name i'm glad they didn't call it shitblister

me (in a ufo, one hour after being abducted): so anyway his name is rodney but this one guy always calls him dave

what's up wembley my name is jesus christ, this first song's called me so thorny

martin mcguinness' middle name is pass me

at least when ghislaine gets pardoned it'll restore her family's good name

your parents explaining that mum's pregnant and they think the baby should have your name (because it's such a cool name) and you have to choose another one.

when American Psycho first came out and i misheard the author's name and spent 6 months thinking it was written by Betty Stenelis

no-one would take me seriously under my own name, steven boeuf

dude that wasn't even your real name

i can't name names because phil collins' lawyers are watching, but