As a lawyer I'm seeing a lot more redundancies in 2025. I can't stress this enough, if you are being made redundant - GET A FUCKING LAWYER. I keep hearing of people getting unfair consultations and being ripped off in their redundancy packages. We would have spotted them for you.

There isn't a programme on either streaming or terrestrial TV that has ever got a crowd demonstration to look authentic.

We were sold AI on the basis it was going to cure cancer, solve climate change and advance our lives. Instead all it does is produce social media slop and put ordinary people out of work. I think we're entitled to feel a lot more pissed off than we currently seem to.

Threesomes with two men and one woman are generally better than two women and one man. Having another man to coordinate with leads to a better overall experience. Two women just leaves me incredibly stressed.

I've cancelled Spotify and gone back to downloading pirated music. I figure, as artists no longer earn money from sales and a pittance from streaming, pirated music no longer harms them.

An opinion LIVE from Clapham Junction Station: The new(ish) toilets here are amongst the best on the entire network.

Fuck off Spotify, "watching" podcasts is telly not radio, stay in your lane.

Most people are probably bi, or put another way they have the capacity to be attracted to more people than they believe. Also maybe it's just a couple of people - that's still bisexuality. Bi doesn't mean 50/50.

Once you factor in the cost of a couple of pints, sitting in a flat rooved pub waiting for the cheap meat man to come around is actually more expensive than just buying it from the supermarket.

The only proper way to coordinate your personal book shelf is by genre then alphabetical either by the author or title. Anyone who does it by the colour of the book is a twat who's not actually interested in the words.

You have to give credit to OnlyFans for targeting young nubile people, at an age where they desperately need money, yet don't quite have the life experience to realise that their actions may have consequences when they're older.

It's ridiculous that most hotel buffets don't have a selection of blue cheeses. Blue cheese is breakfast cheese because it wakes up your mouth. Mature cheddar is a lunch cheese, while mozzarella and other flavourless cheeses are for dinner as they calm you down.

Mirrors should have an "out of focus" mode for when you don't want to look at yourself clearly. Ideal for morning grooming with a bad hangover, or just for when you're sick of the sight of yourself.

Too many men shave their heads at the first sign of their hair thinning. Not many people can pull off a shaved look. A lot of guys would look better with the hair they have, even if it's not full & lustrous. Also, let's stop shaming guys for a experiencing normal part of aging.

The highest paid person in a company should not be allowed to be paid more than 20x the salary of the lowest paid staff or 10x the average of all staff.

The standard UK keyboard layout should be reviewed and probably updated every decade. Get rid of keys we don't need and add new, useful keys.

Why are file/path names case sensitive on Unix-type file systems. Now I LIKE Linux, but what sort of retarded crap is that. It causes huge trouble for bollock-all gain. Name a single convincing use case.

For once I'd love to be able to order a Domino's without needing a maths degree to work out which of the 5 million deals to use. Just lower the prices you cunts, nobody has ever paid full price anyway.

I don't get all the fuss about Nick Cave. He's a bang average lyricist, writes forgettable melodies and has the politics and religion of a Home Counties pensioner.

Trying out an Anon Opin show - were you come down and share your opinions LIVE. You can be anon (i.e. fill in a form) and I'll (your admin Rob) will read them out or you can be not anon and say them with your face. Do come down. www.designmynight.com/london/bars/...

The best self-service checkouts are in Morrisons because you can put your bags on there before you start. The worst are Sainsburys where the poor bugger on minimum wage has to run around constantly authorising every other item because the weight sensor is so fucking sensitive.

Justus von Liebig probably didn't intend to ruin society when he invented the silver-backed mirror but that's what he did. When mirrors were expensive, most people never saw themselves. Now people to care more about surface appearance rather than behaviour.

The word 'spendthrift' is functionally useless. Most people believe it to mean the opposite of its true definition, so we either need to officially change its meaning or just stop using it.

My little joy in this world is what the social media team(s) for all the Parliament-related social media accounts post. They probably have a readership of 5 but it's so cute how organised and enthusiastic they are about the history of it and the timetable each day. Shoutout them

Whoever created the wig Alan wears in the latest Alan Partridge has done excellent work. It's looks so wiggy it's amazing.

I know that they are a kind of social obligation but I've never understood the purpose of pictures of people I know on my wall. I know who my husband is. Why would I need a picture of him on the wall? What utility does it bring, beyond adding something to dust?

It's 2025. The special airport metal detectors should be able to tell an underwired bra from a gun. I should not need to be felt up by a security guard because their technology fails EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Cheddar is a D-tier cheese and it disappoints me grately that it has become the face of the food.

Marketing people don't get enough hate. They're no better than tabloid journalists and estate agents.

The latest releases from Florence and the Machine and Mumford and Sons should spell the end of their commercial success. And rightly so

The worst thing about changing bank notes from paper to plastic is that is has put an end to the convenient shorthand stereotype of the wealthy villain using them to light cigars. Can't do that if the bloody things melt.

Many dystopian films are about the human fear of machines taking over. Right now, pretty much everyone thinks AI is scary and will make the world worse, yet we're apparently incapable of stopping it. The machines have already taken over.

Maybe we shouldn't have embraced compulsory elementary education, child labor laws and the idea that children should have carefree childhoods -- it just makes transition into "adulting" more difficult.

Start a conversation about the correct way to make a cup of tea. Listen to the confessions of criminality. Accept the UK does not deserve it's reputation for tea.

It doesn't matter how much you pay to go ad free, it's just a matter of time before they'll ask you for more money or demand you subscribe to a higher tier or else ads again. The only ways to deal with these cunts is either deleting your account or using an adblocker.

It boggles my mind that some people object to their taxes being used to help feed hungry children, but they are absolutely fine with paying more tax because billionaires don't want to pay their share.

The perfect time to commit a murder is Halloween. No one would bat an eyelid if you were walking around, covered in blood, holding a knife, carrying a corpse wrapped in bin bags bound with gaffer tape.

If your band has a contract with a label you aren't indie. You're only indie if you record and publish your music yourselves.

There is no less flattering sight than accidentally catching yourself on the CCTV screen of a London bus.

I can't watch porn ever people are shagging on a pool table. All I can think about is how they might ruin the baize.

A lot of sci-fi stuff tends to show women in skin-tight one-piece suits. You can tell these costumes were designed by men. How the fuck are women in the future supposed to go for a piss? Do we have nanobots in our bladder that drink up all the piss for us?

So many actors dye their hair, convincingly, these days. We've lost the aesthetic of actors like Steve Martin and Leslie Nielsen. It's a look that communicates experience on a youthful face. It's a loss to the diversity of characters on screen.

Wet farts feel better than dry farts. They exit the anus smoothly and quietly, whereas dry farts can be loud and sometimes hurt.

Insurance fraud should cut both ways. Sneakily trying to double my premium on auto renew and hoping I won't notice is as bad as a fraudulent claim.

Since tomatoes are a fruit, ketchup is technically jam.

The central line tube trains are like the the ones in The Warriors

Tarantino lost it with Kill Bill - it's too long and also so lost in pastiche of martial arts revenge films it forgets to stick in an engaging plot.

Oasis are the Nigel Farages of the pop world: harking back to slightly iffy things from generations past and the media love them as they'll always pop up with an off colour quote.

In hindsight we should have known Russel Brand was a wrongun when he based his whole act off talking like the guy from A Clockwork Orange

Within the next decade a billionaire will die in a space accident, and it will be the greatest day on the internet in history. I have memes prepared.