Lovely Potatoes
@lovelypotatoes.bsky.social
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📥 109
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trigger warning
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Lovely Potatoes
d.ly
30 days ago
filling your vodka bottles with Crystal Pepsi
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Lovely Potatoes
WineMummy
5 months ago
Home is where the snacks are.
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grilled cheese 🧀
30 days ago
naked and afraid but i'm fully clothed
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Painting my honey lid green, sticking a straw in it, and selling it on eBay. Anyone else? Bearista-gate
about 1 month ago
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PieGuy
2 months ago
Sorry I haven’t been on lately. I was busy trying to open a produce bag for my apples
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Shade 5
about 1 month ago
her: have you been moisturizing? me: oh no...that's just pizza grease.
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Lovely Potatoes
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
about 1 month ago
Class up your kegger by calling it a soirée.
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Marl
about 1 month ago
One scoop of mashed potatoes per person and DON'T WALK ON THE GRASS
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BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺
about 1 month ago
I shower daily, rinse well, take care to make sure my hygiene is good throughout the day etc… So why after my shower just now is my asshole like mad fuckin itchy?
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Chelle
about 1 month ago
Hey, can I talk to your dog for a minute?
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
about 1 month ago
If you're driving on the sidewalk, does it still count as road rage?
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Lovely Potatoes
Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
6 months ago
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's functional alcoholism.
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There are men whose loyalty to their SPOUSE doesn’t hold a candle to my husband’s loyalty to his barber.
about 1 month ago
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I miss the days when we blamed gluten for everything and not lifesaving medicine.
3 months ago
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PieGuy
4 months ago
Convinced my ex to get bangs before we broke up so that I’d find someone new first.
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Shade 5
4 months ago
I can't do another three years of this shit
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Jack
3 months ago
This year has flown by like a passing kidney stone.
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Not JPo
4 months ago
Marriage is nice because you can tell all your hopes and dreams to someone who will stand by you while you continue to achieve none of them
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get in loser, we’re ignoring pumpkin-spice princess season
3 months ago
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Lovely Potatoes
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
3 months ago
Me: Your profile said you had a piercing. Her: That’s a typo. It’s supposed to say “piercing scream.”
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Lovely Potatoes
Juiceticles
3 months ago
Allow me to overthink that for you
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Lovely Potatoes
Jake_Vig
3 months ago
I took a picture, but it wasn't a selfie. Is there a word for that? A "someone elsie"?
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Lovely Potatoes
Jake_Vig
3 months ago
No one wants proof of life, btw
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Tana ❄️
3 months ago
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Denim
3 months ago
Median monthly rent in Florida has risen by 40% since 2019. Median household income has only increased by 2.9% in that same time period.
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Lovely Potatoes
bryan (Christmas Version 🎄)
3 months ago
BREAKING: trump is revealed to be an incredibly detailed, life-size hand puppet (that’s why every photo op someone has their hand behind his back). no word yet on how long he’s been that way
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Fickle Filly
over 2 years ago
Sorry I hugged you when you told me to embrace my mistakes.
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Fickle Filly
3 months ago
Every time I press reset password another brain cell gets its wings.
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bacon popsicle 🫸
3 months ago
*my first day as a hoarse-whisperer* wife: that’ll teach you for shouting at the kids all the time
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Lovely Potatoes
I'mWintersMom
3 months ago
not needing to be fixed would fix me
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WineMummy
3 months ago
Please excuse me while I’m in long weekend mode.
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The Sweaty Gardener
3 months ago
Going to get AI to superimpose my head on Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's body and then I'll finally rule all of Narnia.
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be the reason he’s afraid to check his phone
3 months ago
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Obviously everyone
8 months ago
He’s a ten, but wears compression socks during sex.
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Marc
4 months ago
"I'm done with this shit." --- me, two hours after getting up
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Daisy
3 months ago
My son manages six fantasy football leagues like he went to MIT
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Lovely Potatoes
Shade 5
3 months ago
I see you just posted something inspirational. First time on the internet?
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Lovely Potatoes
Obviously everyone
about 1 year ago
I will always love you. ˢᵒᵐᵉ ʳᵘˡᵉˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ʳᵉˢᵗʳᶦᶜᵗᶦᵒⁿˢ ᵐᵃʸ ᵃᵖᵖˡʸ
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Basic AF
about 1 year ago
A group of children is called a migraine
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Lovely Potatoes
los 🦦
3 months ago
According to social stereotypes, I should be driving around in Gravedigger
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Lovely Potatoes
PieGuy
4 months ago
People: nice jeep, here’s a duck Winter: nice smile, here’s seasonal depression
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Lovely Potatoes
Jimmer Cork-Bottle
9 months ago
If you're not part of the solution you don't mix well with the other substances.
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Lovely Potatoes
Northern Lights TO
11 months ago
Who's the patron saint of functional alcoholism?
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los 🦦
11 months ago
In France it’s called: without serif.
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Lovely Potatoes
Stace Fiction
9 months ago
Why do they call it urology and not streaming services?
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Lovely Potatoes
PieGuy
9 months ago
They tried to put me in a peach can you believe that? They said they’d in peach me. A good friend of mine, James was put into a giant peach and believe me it wouldn’t be able to contain my bigly hands
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Shade 5
9 months ago
The problem with eating cheese is that it’s very sad when it’s over.
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Lovely Potatoes
PieGuy
9 months ago
American cheese is just regular cheese with 70k in hospital bills
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Lovely Potatoes
PieGuy
about 1 year ago
Mrs Doubtfire is my favourite movie about violating a custody agreement
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