PieGuy
@ilovepie84.bsky.social
📤 13487
📥 635
📝 1330
I’m very inspirational
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7bv2ca3yawj662o7qxd5xyt7/feed/aaanl43imdq2m
pinned post!
Mrs Doubtfire is my favourite movie about violating a custody agreement
about 1 year ago
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I’m making a movie about an elderly gentleman getting dentures and I’m going to call it “No crunchy for old men”
about 1 month ago
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Sorry I haven’t been on lately. I was busy trying to open a produce bag for my apples
about 2 months ago
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People: nice jeep, here’s a duck Winter: nice smile, here’s seasonal depression
3 months ago
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Convinced my ex to get bangs before we broke up so that I’d find someone new first.
4 months ago
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PieGuy
Jason, ex Inferis
4 months ago
I’m not into casual sex. Kindly submit a curriculum vitae.
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Jason, ex Inferis
4 months ago
Oh, you’re an old soul? Name 3 of your children who died of consumption
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andy vs
4 months ago
My reaction to citronella suggests that I may in fact be part mosquito
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BEAVE
4 months ago
I only watch South Park for the american politics updates. it’s like the news but honest.
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BEAVE
4 months ago
Sorry i’m late, my morning fart ritual ran long.
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PieGuy
Jason, ex Inferis
4 months ago
what i mean when i say ima "skedaddle"
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Little Greenis
4 months ago
When you see nine birds together that’s a flock 9.
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PieGuy
mean things I say to myself
4 months ago
Step 1: Watch all seasons of The Great British Sewing Bee Step 2: Attempt to alter every garment in my wardrobe to make it custom fitted and special Step 3: ? Step 4: Wear barrel
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Jason, ex Inferis
4 months ago
Saying, “ohboyohboyohboyohboyohboy” the whole time during sex.
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PieGuy
andy vs
4 months ago
Beating someone to death with an olive branch as a bit
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PieGuy
Ennui Doofen
over 1 year ago
Correction: there are no butterflies in my stomach- I hardly ever even nibble on butterflies
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If you look at the shape of a vagina it makes sense that babies are born in the shape of a pancake” -Flat Birthers
4 months ago
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PieGuy
Dak
4 months ago
Show dominance by clapping as the plane takes off.
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PieGuy
Jason, ex Inferis
4 months ago
I love that courtroom sketches are still a thing. Leaves open the possibility that a smurf or two was there
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Jason, ex Inferis
4 months ago
At a funeral saying deadass instead of amen
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TheSocioPhi
4 months ago
I ordered a cheese plate for dessert last night, which speaks directly to my outstanding and honourable quality of character, IMO.
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PieGuy
TheSocioPhi
4 months ago
You can never stand backward on stairs.
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PieGuy
Jenny and the Bets 💕
4 months ago
It was probably a dog who invented the fact that they can’t eat raisins.
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PieGuy
BEAVE
about 1 year ago
My boyfriend got kicked off the cyber truck waiting list for having sex.
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Granite Man
4 months ago
Me: *makes a mental note* Also me: *immediately forgets mental note*
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PieGuy
BEAVE
4 months ago
Absolutely no one: Cats: might I suggest the butthole-in-your-face pairing with breakfast this morning?
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Sure filling my neighbours gas tank with water is bad But dumping 75 bags of pancake mix into my neighbours pool is batter
4 months ago
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PieGuy
Anhedonia Karenina
4 months ago
I’m just like any other sleep deprived girl, I blink one eye at a time
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A Shot of Steve™ ⚡️
4 months ago
New breakfast food …. Apocalyp-Tarts
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Ozzy Unborn am I right?
4 months ago
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My kid found a sick eagle and asked me to help it Son: have you done this before or are you just going to....WING IT?!? Me: no…..dummy, I can't lawfully touch him it's...ILL- EAGLE
4 months ago
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TheSocioPhi
11 months ago
People often overlook the fact that gingerbread men live inside gingerbread houses that are effectively made of their own skin. Those sadistic mother fuckers sit at their dinner tables on gingerbread chairs, knowing their gingerbread friends likely died to build and furnish the place. It’s sick.
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PieGuy
BEAVE
4 months ago
I’m living chip bag to chip bag.
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PieGuy
BEAVE
4 months ago
Applying for remote jobs just to escape the office snacks that keep bullying me into eating them.
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PieGuy
andy vs
4 months ago
You become an adult the first time you go to the beach and are driven to madness by the sand
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PieGuy
Jin
4 months ago
Feeling good, might feign ignorance for a joke and wait for the replies to change that
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PieGuy
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
4 months ago
Flat earthers will have brain surgery to turn their hemispheres into hemisphlats.
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PieGuy
jordan [ham]
4 months ago
“it was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” I say as I throw away all the vegetables I had delivered last week to make room for the vegetables I just had delivered
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PieGuy
Theciscokidder
4 months ago
*wife getting ready for work* Me: Is it going to fuck you up if I take a 40 min shit?
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PieGuy
mean things I say to myself
4 months ago
Wild that detectives and trained dogs can find human remains in the wilderness based on scant clues but my husband and kids can't find the ketchup in the fridge in the same spot it always is
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Ennui Doofen
about 2 years ago
I don't wanna take care of myself when I'm sick. I'm the one that got me into this mess, why would you expect me to get me out of it
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PieGuy
Ennui Doofen
4 months ago
Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul... News: Brain eating amoeba confirmed in South Carolina
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PieGuy
SpatialKimtamine
4 months ago
I’m grunting with every breath if you even care
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andy vs
4 months ago
A party game where you have to guess the medicine by the side effects
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Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to peel a boiled egg
4 months ago
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TheSocioPhi
4 months ago
I wonder if men who smoke are aware it makes their dick and balls slowly shrink up and get all tiny.
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I still can’t believe someone stole my neighbours wind chimes tomorrow morning
4 months ago
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PieGuy
turbo jerry
4 months ago
grown ass man who brings his emotional support water bottle everywhere but never actually drinks it
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PieGuy
Ennui Doofen
4 months ago
My mug says "every day I'm hustlin," and I think perhaps I'll open the blinds today
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PieGuy
Cap’n Watsisname
4 months ago
100 cans of baked beans on the wall. 100 cans of baked beans.
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PieGuy
Nappy Dolemite
4 months ago
Here's what I've come to realize:
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