i’m not begging anyone for shit. unless it’s a hot goth girl then please please pretty please

Asked to leave Yoga for saying "that's a stretch" six times

raise your hand if your life was changed forever by Mmm Cheese

Get in, loser. I love you

i put the chronic in chronic fatigue

🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗 but in a trying to crack my back way

“Can you take me higher?” - Creed asking to be pushed harder on the swings

this canker sore has been bothering me all day, I sure hope this delicious spicy red sauce and a glass of my favorite red wine lifts my spirits!

i used to be a mall rat, now i avoid the mall like the plague

Only Fans but it's Only Cans and it's just me taking pictures of random trashcans. Headline "look at my junk filled trunks." My name will be Nasty Girl.

Yippee! <derogatory >

O, pity, God, this miserable age! What stratagems! How fell! How butcherly!

my cat kept me up all night by attacking my feet as punishment for going on vacation for 2 weeks. it will most likely happen again tonight.

buying my soul back from the devil in four easy installments through klarna

date: what are you thinking about me: fall should be spelled fa// date: me: date: fell should be spelled fe_ _ *we kiss*

overstimulated to extinction

no babe, I still think your dick is huge after you had to back up and correct your turning in the in-n-out drive thru at every corner in your massive F150

ok im ready to leave again

they let me back onto us soil

I’m sure it should go without saying… but never fly into JFK thinking you can hold it. They’ll keep you on the tarmac for an extra hour

flushing toilet paper for the first time after being in Greece for 2 weeks

adding to my photos map

Showing up to the airport with my shoes and toiletries strapped to my chest with duct tape like a mf genius

Consider that we don't even have a shared cultural understanding of what can be flushed.

it’s the beach episode

bought my husband a gold chain in Greece and his chest hair grew more

cretan cretin

ruin me at the ruins

Jimmy Kimmel wasn't suspended because of what he said. He was suspended because the FCC threatened his employer. That's state-sanctioned censorship and it is a GIANT RED FLAG 🚩🚩🚩 that authoritarianism isn’t *coming* it’s ALREADY HERE. Today it's Jimmy. Tomorrow it's the rest of us.

ABC - Always Be Caving

most of my photos in Greece have been on a digital camera, Polaroid, or my husband’s phone. here’s the rare one of me on my phone

🏛️🎞️

Mytikas Peak at night

reminding myself to NOT flush the toilet paper in Greece is more stressful than I thought it would be

POLITICIANS AFTER VILE POLITICAL ACTIVIST IS SHOT: we 👏 must 👏 reject 👏 political 👏 violence 👏 of 👏 any 👏 kind 👏 POLITICIANS AFTER A BUNCH OF BABIES ARE SHOT: ah, whaddya gonna do? 🤷

now I don’t condone gun violence… but when you preach it? 🤷🏻‍♀️

thoughts and prayers 😬 tots and pears

how do I say “pspsps” in Greek?

it’s finally my turn to be the friend who’s obnoxious about their euro trip

brats can also be tops goddammit i keep telling you this

German condiment udders

I'm gonna need someone to come over and lay silently on top of me like a weighted blanket for a few weeks.

Babe I’m exhausted. Can we just yada yada the sex tonight?

stupid whore was my mother, please call me dumb slut

gave back the keys to the apartment I spent some of the worst years of my life in

The One Where the World Eagerly Awaits Your Death

salt fat acid heat... ok does anyone know what the fifth captain planet planeteer ring was?