I want to see hot adults who are absolutely no younger than 45 and I want to see them get into some Situations™️ and I want a script by someone who studied at the Nora Ephron School of Flirty Banter and I want a poppy soundtrack and everyone in great clothes and I would like it IN A THEATRE!

*steps up to podium, adjusts glasses, shuffles papers* *clears throat* SATIRE REQUIRES A CLARITY OF PURPOSE AND TARGET LEST IT BE MISTAKEN FOR AND CONTRIBUTE TO THAT WHICH IT INTENDS TO CRITICIZE

Utterly reprehensible.

It’s Maggie’s birthday today We all still miss you

I am saddened to learn of the passing of coach Joe Stockinger. He was 96 Absolute legend. His support of his fellow lifters and the strength sports cannot be overstated Here’s a video that sums up his lifting career youtu.be/3b5K37C5-Js?...

Our entire economy is being artificially propped up by astrology for men: AI, crypto, sports betting, and prediction markets. It's an economy shaped entirely by male insecurity and lack of impulse control, and we'll all pay the price.

Sign summer is finally here: I was driving in the country all day and my car’s windscreen is plastered in dead bugs 🤢

werewolf girls with Chihuahua energy. shake and fight god

This is also his excuse for why he doesn't do the dishes, laundry, vacuuming, or cooking.

Daffys very role is an unpopular opinion. Chuck Jones said that “Bugs Bunny is who we want to be but Daffy is who we are”: vain, self-centered, terrified at the world and the judgments of others, this plucky duck represents the very darkness at the heart of man’s soul as he struggles against entropy

If you want to print this off and leave it in bed after the next time you have sex it would probably lead to some interesting conversation with your partner

late 19th century: be a nerd about modernism early 20th century: be a jock about modernism late 20th century: be a nerd about postmodernism early 21st century: be a jock about postmodernism

You and me both, sister

baseball is always some guy who is a physically perfect specimen being guided day and night by world class trainers, nutritionists, and doctors hoping to beat a record set by some guy named Pickles Bitch in 1937 who lived on cigarettes and moonshine and did not exercise other than baseball games

the only "2fa" i wanna deal with is 2 fuckin' 'amburgers

Sun dogs

The Pumpkin Spice Girls #CelebrityVegetables

I'm just getting the sense the winding gyre is getting to where the center cannot hold you feel me

🧵

Neolithic hedgehog sculpture

Inspired by the Enhanced Games I am launching NASCAR for drunk drivers

I saw this shirt in a dream

What do you call the place where the hippopotamus went to study navigation? THE HIPPOCAMPUS

Last night I dreamt I was in a mall & over the speakers was this Ronnie Spector-esque song called “Dirty Jim,” the lyrics, as best I could remember upon waking, went like this: Well his name was Dirty Jim & there was something odd about him, he was always hangin round searching for that dirty sound

Converting to Catholicism so I can tell my bosses using unregulated AI is against my religion and I will sue them like that cake lady who hated gay people if they make me use it

I need to see them live youtube.com/watch?v=tCnv...

I remain convinced that Le Sserafim are a Subgenius op [complimentary] youtube.com/watch?v=V1Lr...

🤌 youtube.com/watch?v=zFR-...

Squee youtube.com/watch?v=CG6Q...

Gee, thanks, Buzzkill Bear!

I suspect the real reason “early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” works is because it’s way easier to make a shitton of bad life choices at 1 am than at 6 am.

Why does it sound so… wet? 😫 Its giving the kind of noises you’d get if Porky Pig was giving crazy head to Donald Duck on a motorboat going over choppy water.

It’s amazing how many athletes and coaches don’t understand the difference between a drug’s active half lives and metabolite clearance times Kind of a crucial distinction

bluesky is a dive bar run by a bunch of liberals and leftists who can't agree on anything but we have bomb drink specials and play old cartoons on the wall

Nobody asked but good news. With LOTS of warming up and bringing in my grip on the bar a little, I was able to work up to strict overhead presses of 50 kg for sets and reps Now we’re getting somewhere. I can work with this Now I’m not quite so morose