A 'waxing moon' is just me shaving my ass

Yes, I reposted you. But I am not in repost with you.

EVERYONE: just ban Jesse Singal, free Link, and free Gwen Pepperoni BLUESKY: we heard your pleas, so WHAT IF YOU COULD IMPORT JESSE SINGAL’S INFORMATION INTO YOUR CONTACT LIST

Who are these women who are still asking for dick pics in 2025?

Today in “Bets’ adventures of being a stepmom”, I realized that I haven’t taken Eazy-E off of my 90s playlists when dropping the kids off at school 🫣

I just heard the term lavender marriage for the first time and holy shit straight dudes are in trouble.

Who we used to have to buy weed from before legalization

I just got blocked for being unserious if you're looking for someone new to follow.

When are we all going to say enough is enough?

Calories are one of my favorite snacks

your lips have parasympathetic fibers spread throughout them, so touching them activates the parasympathetic nervous system. in that, kissing can help calm your nerves by releasing oxytocin and endorphins. what im saying is people need to kiss more. for their health.

They won’t let you pay your library late fines with weed even if you promise it’s “primo shit.”

PM Carney is a calm pragmatist looking out for the future of Canada as a sovereign nation. Poilievre is a ranting right wing lunatic who clearly hates Canada & Canadian citizens. We need a steady hand on the tiller right now, not a Trumper, NOT a rage farmer like Poilievre. My 2 cents

movies used to start with the FBI threatening to send you to jail, but not anymore due to woke

I’m a soft core bully.

❤️‍🩹💔

oh no im at the age where im gonna use my extra hour of sleep to sleep

What was I for Halloween?? Disappointment.

So is he the Andrew formerly known as Prince?

Old white men decided the world was progressive enough for them to get rich but now they don’t want anyone else to have a piece of their pie.

Halloween costume? No, it's been a rough week. Fuck off.

Me on my way to return clothes: “Hold on, I gotta come up with a backstory.”

"you're so negative" oh yeah? well, you're so positive SEE HOW DOES THAT FEEL YOU'RE SO HOPEFUL AND SHIT YEAH DOESN'T FEEL GOOD DOES IT

Oh we cute cute 🥰

If not a Nazi, why Nazi shaped?

Go Jays goooooooo!!!!

World Series 🦶 ⚾️

Some guy just told me that he’s not getting his government stuff due to MY GOVERNMENT SHUT DOWN? 🫣😂 It’s almost embarrassing at this point.

Life would be so much easier if you could read with your eyes closed.

Sorry I’m busy trying to be Taylor Swift’s number one fan.

Some of you never curse around here and I don’t know what’s wrong with you. What’s it going to take before you fucking break

I hurt people who try to get close to me…but I assure it’s not on purpose. It’s all I’ve ever known.

Why is it always an absolute goddess with an unfortunate looking man? And before you say he’s probably a sweet guy, he never is, he’s always an asshole

I'm always craving a hotdog, but usually only existentially.

Dr gives me a RX for extended release OxyContin. My pharmacist-“uhhhh I don’t think they prescribed this dose anymore” Me *sobbing*-“well they do fucking now don’t they?”

Thank you @westcoasttoast.bsky.social for being such a kick ass friend. I love you❤️❤️

could a depressed person do this? [eats a third bagel]

E-girl girlfriend podcaster boyfriend

Pain does crazy things to crazy people 🥹

Jays got Yesavage and just fuckin savage

Just a reminder, I’ve been Blue Jays forever 💕❤️

lol fuck the Yankees 😂❤️ #bluejays forever ❤️💕

Good morning to everyone in flyover country 🌞

but those are my emotional support benzodiazepines

oedipus: do u have to keep saying that samuel l jackson: saying what

I don’t care if you think I’m funny or not, I think I’m funny.

I just started blocking accounts who annoy me… sorry. I mean, I know I’m annoying too but not as annoying as some of you are.

ummm, actually, I'm honoring hundreds of years of human tradition by falling for a perpetual motion machine. maybe learn some history before calling someone "gullible" smh