Oh Alfie 🐾❤️

🔥

1st day of fall and I'm still writing spring on my checks.

What’s that geeky male comedian with glasses name?

Black women are everything 😍.

I *might* recommend your dental services to my worst enemy.

Sorry i called you a fuckhead. I think you're a fuckhead but i should have kept it to myself.

Been saying for years the Dem party is just the other side of a coin. A coin the rich hold. There can be no true freedom here until we remove each and every bought politician from all three branches

It was never about freedom of speech it was about freedom of their speech. Their hate is winning. Use your privilege, don’t stop speaking for those who cannot.

Suck on these pronouns.

The tongue and groove is the most suggestive of the various wood joints, followed closely by the haunched tenon and the lapping dovetail

Direct your thoughts here. Just the facts. Proofread. Be direct and professional. [email protected]

Does it get any cuter?🥰

Bluesky don’t be a piece of shit app where you ban people speaking up. Don’t be like fucking X.

Yeah, I bought myself a Tempur-pedic bed because that’s where I spend most of my time. And holy shit, I never wanna leave my room now.

May kirk's children grow through this with an understanding that hate has no home here, and become better humans than he could ever be bothered to ascend to.. It's doubtful, because hate begets hate, but every coin has three sides..

The death of Charlie Kirk was catastrophic for white male fragility.

Elon Musk has been spotted with several toddlers strapped to himself

Thoughts and Prayers 🤐

True story.

Them some fat ass ankles. Ding dong, the witch is dead.

BUT I'M ONLY A 52 YEAR OLD MAN! HOW CAN I BE EXPECTED TO KNOW HOW TO DO LAUNDRY!? 😭

Health update. I don’t care if you cannot update, all I ask is to share it far and wide. Thank you. ❤️ JB gofund.me/b331e2faa

I mean, I’m sorry to hear that the US is having a tuberculosis outbreak, but it could wipe out most of the old white men in politics so there’s that.

It’s so smoky here, I went outside today and got emphysema.

Peter Pan is my favorite story about how running away from all your problems will allow you to remain youthful and to possibly fly someday

The best part of my nighttime routine is the extended 13 minute guttural scream into my pillow

I should've known it wouldn't work out when she said Ten wasn't Pearl Jam's best album

Please stop reposting that otter eating a vagina

Fat dad fall

He’s a 10, but the decimal is in the wrong place

This AD not sponsored by Alo Yoga. Does that make me an anti influencer? #aloyoga

The only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is the socks.

I know I’m not unloveable, but I’m unloveable.

TTPD is life ❤️

The whole gop should move to Russia.

I’m the only bitch in this IV clinic that brings snacks 🥟🥨

Watching Fallout and was happier than a pig in shit when Michael Rapaport dies so quickly...

We're like if the citizenry of 1930s Germany got to view influencer tiktoks and Instagram reels.

I should never flirt. Can someone remind me that before I have too many drinks next time?

My favourite of all my nic names 🥰

Sorry Gen Z, I’m not taking life advice from people with tube socks.

I love Seattle 💕

Imagine how much time we would waste if we actually washed our hands for 30 seconds every time we washed our hands? Try washing your hands and counting to 30… it’s a long ass time.

I love me a free banana 🍌

*to the tune of Big Poppa* I love it when she calls me bitch baby 🎶

all my skeet ideas today sound like early days of twitter slop before we discovered shitposting

Pussy is currency, right?

Has anyone tried that hismile tooth whitening shit? Does it really work?

OK Apple all I gotta know is, is the update tonight gonna make my phone obsolete?