Yourpalmal
@therealpalmal.bsky.social
📤 771
📥 232
📝 46
My posts:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:dhun7hkrpg6nuzmtud6p2yue/feed/aaaiwys374kia
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[At a job fair] Me: Where's the Ferris Wheel?
over 1 year ago
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"I have Villanova in my bracket" - He said at the restaurant bar not knowing a single thing about college basketball.
about 1 month ago
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Tonal languages are great because as long as you can at least match the melody you can sing along.
about 2 months ago
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Yourpalmal
Uncle Duke
5 months ago
shark: *smirking* no hablo inglés
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Yourpalmal
inkedupandsonic
9 months ago
Server: a little Quiche before your main sir? Me: ok, but no tongue
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Yourpalmal
Salty MacTavish
9 months ago
I don’t usually hold grudges but I’m still pissed off at that cat who walked on one of my roof tiles while it was drying in the Roman sun 2000 years ago
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Yourpalmal
Nate's Myth
9 months ago
mechanic who fixed my horn boy scouts 🤝 beep repaired
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Yourpalmal
🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
9 months ago
I have a complete set of alf trading cards so I guess you could say I like to keep it real
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
9 months ago
I love star trek that's the one with captain dirk and mr. speck right
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Yourpalmal
Brick's House 🍁
9 months ago
[alien with coke bottle glasses] TAKE ME TO YOUR OPTOMETRIST
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Marl
9 months ago
I like my women how I like my coffee; sweet, hot, and that one time in college.
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Yourpalmal
Marl
9 months ago
They say to dress for the job you want, but I'm not allowed to wear pajamas to work
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Yourpalmal
Uncle Duke
9 months ago
“We will sell no wine before its time.”
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Uncle Duke
9 months ago
“Nobody’s going anywhere until you two work this out.”
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Yourpalmal
Adam
9 months ago
what i mean when i say i’m busy
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Yourpalmal
bacon popsicle 🚽
9 months ago
me: *reading my horoscope* my horoscope: before we get into this, you may want to pour yourself a stiff drink
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Yourpalmal
lalalyds
9 months ago
I dunno maybe you could come over and fill my mouth with your hot Italian sausage if you wanna
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Yourpalmal
Misery Highlight
10 months ago
It’s good but I don’t like it. -person reposting without liking
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Yourpalmal
Jason, ex Inferis
9 months ago
They don’t tell you, but you can smoke at confession
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Yourpalmal
ɱɨʂτყ
9 months ago
I run off of the fumes of the reply guys that tell me I’m pretty.
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Yourpalmal
Ennui Doofen
9 months ago
always terrifying when no one is there to bless you and you're just racking up unblessed sneezes
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Yourpalmal
Ennui Doofen
9 months ago
referring to my diagnoses like crimes to my doctors to keep things interesting, like "I've been accused of having," and adding "allegedly" to whatever they say
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Yourpalmal
Bigthinkingcap
9 months ago
Tuesday: I dunno guys maybe Monday gets a bad rap Monday: Wednesday: sighs Thursday: well I d…. Friday: Hahaha hahaha hahaha Monday: fuck you Friday Tuesday: and there we go
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Yourpalmal
AnnaAnkaAnia
9 months ago
Nothing unites so strongly as mutual sarcasm.
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Yourpalmal
Kellalena
9 months ago
If you don’t have anything nice to say, enunciate everything loud and clear.
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Yourpalmal
I'mWintersMom
9 months ago
I thought it was Friday for about 2 minutes this morning coincidentally I was happy for about 2 min this morning
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Yourpalmal
ᗩmanda
9 months ago
Let’s all pretend to be functional together.
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Yourpalmal
Shade 5
9 months ago
With all the advancements in technology, you'd think someone would've come up with a better printer.
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Yourpalmal
mike☺︎ (silly joe armstrong)
9 months ago
I've said it before and I'll say it again: fuckin' thursdays…
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Yourpalmal
Theciscokidder
9 months ago
I don't use ai but I have no doubt it uses me 😠
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Yourpalmal
ash
9 months ago
My dog wouldn't like you.
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Yourpalmal
Stewie Tea
9 months ago
My doctor was pushed for time this afternoon, so did my prostate and testicle examination at the same time. Boy, let me tell you there's plenty of women I've known who could learn a thing or two from this guy.
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Yourpalmal
Uncle Jeff 🌈
9 months ago
The school year approaches. Time once again for the boys to rhyme autumn with bottom
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Me: I see a lot of myself reflected in you. My 12 y/o: Oh no. I'm ugly?
9 months ago
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Yourpalmal
Salty MacTavish
9 months ago
Here in the northeast we don’t check our boots for snakes very often but we do check our Chuck Taylors for vestigial Puritanism and Catholic guilt
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My new hobby is to go on singles fb group pages and motivate guys that post their pictures.
9 months ago
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Yourpalmal
Sometimes I shy away from normal men behaviors. Other times I comment daily on an IG page where people post cool sticks they found.
10 months ago
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Yourpalmal
Kellalena
10 months ago
*rides off into the sunset* *returns to check and see if the oven is turned off*
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Yourpalmal
Salty MacTavish
10 months ago
Well it’s the end of another weird fucking day here in the USA and as I step into a tepid shower with Foghat and a Bud Light I recall those halcyon days when the most dangerous part of a phone was the risk of being strangled by its long cord as your sister tried to win concert tickets on the radio
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Yourpalmal
🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
10 months ago
language is so ambiguous like who can say what twatwaffle or cockwomble really mean when they’re directed at me so mysterious
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Yourpalmal
Amy
10 months ago
“hey little girl is your daddy home?” bruce springsteen asks me i don’t answer because that’s a fucken weird thing to say to a 41yo woman eating corn on the cob over the sink
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Yourpalmal
PieGuy
10 months ago
My coworker called his Coke Zero a fridge cigarette and that’s what they shall be called from now on
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Yourpalmal
Jason, ex Inferis
10 months ago
Haven’t seen one Von Dutch hat since covid. Makes you think.
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Yourpalmal
bacon popsicle 🚽
10 months ago
me: why don’t I have any matching socks? wife: the washing machine keeps eating them me: you must be using the vicious cycle wife: I despise you
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Yourpalmal
mike☺︎ (silly joe armstrong)
10 months ago
I watch the extended editions of the Lord of the Rings trilogy at least once a week It's Hobbitual
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Yourpalmal
Midge
10 months ago
This makes me irrationally angry
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Yourpalmal
Uncle Duke
10 months ago
depending on who you get, chewy’s online support team can either be really rude or really helpful
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Yourpalmal
I'mWintersMom
10 months ago
I can only afford poor decision
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Yourpalmal
Marl
10 months ago
Look, I'm no expert of idioms, but the term "beating around the bush" sounds quite inappropriate... & possibly Friday night for most of you
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