It is true that this is a beautiful pluralistic country with everything good you could ever possibly want in the world and also a corrupt stinking hell hole presided over by demons who want us all dead.

Last image from tonight (short film in the morning): this brother out here with his Singer sewing machine, gifting people a custom embroidery on their jerseys and hats with the name and the date, was more artistic than anything at Burning Man and ad gorgeous as a Caravaggio. Magic! Goodnight.

scheming vizier: you know what they say, my lord. The louder the advisor, the higher his ambition. He's after your throne, sire. You must strike, before he strikes you. Screaming vizier: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

we received a large number of strong applications

Just a reminder, if there’s a Game 6 it will be held at Jersey Mike’s Arena in nearby Piscataway. MSG is booked with a Bert Kreischer show

Can you guys all just take a look at this for a second? I promise I'm not going to puff you in your eye

oh yeah baby now we’re shuffling

Here I go again on my phone

The ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card

A gleaming Donald Trump hits "the Blanka pose" during a TV interview. Electricity pops and sizzles visibly around his heaving form as he prepares to complain about the way he is talked about on television.

Oliver Darcy got the audio of the heated 60 Minutes meeting where Scott Pelley dressed Nick Bilton down! "You know what was rude? Black Thursday. That was the absolute definition of rudeness. Telling Tanya Simon she had to be out of here at five o'clock." www.status.news/p/scott-pell...

Now John Buford, in particular, was known for the power of his ass. Ol' Iron Ass, his enemies called him. Even so, it was much respected.

uooo ooohhhhh yeowch ououuououou i got pain at the pump! pain at the pump ow! yhow! yeesh! at the pump there's pain. pain at the damn pump, of all places. uuuooooooooo pain as the pump there's too many prices at the pump uuuuuuhhhhghghouhhhgh painy pumpis

Ok this is a truly great tweet

Sometimes on campus you accidentally walk by a Business class and the professor is writing like "profit = revenue - costs" on the board and everyone is taking notes like its actual school

"He's a menace ... I WANT SPIDER-MAN!" J.K. Simmons is at the Mets game tonight and ran into a familiar face 😂

As Jabba the Hutt's son I'm often gatekept from progressive spaces due to preconceived notions about my family. At the same time, I acknowledge the reasonable concerns my presence would raise, and I'm working every day to unlearn the harmful attitudes instilled in me on my father's pleasure barge.

saying you love Ra when you only have one obelisk is crazy

baltimore white person: i have given normal directions to the italian restaurant what an actual normal person just heard:

On our way to court!!! But not as a defendant!!! Very cool!!!!!

Smack Barm Pea Wet

Found a dinosaur jazz number in an old old sketchbook.

Instead of posting about how Bluesky is dying you should be posting about how Grogu died

There was a time when we used to do Booty Had Me Like posts. A more innocent age, and one that feels very far gone.

Kash Patel heard there were shots at the White House and went right over there only to discover they were talking about gun shots

You come to me, on the day of my son's wedding, which I am not attending

Babe are you okay? You've hardly looked at your Bradford Exchange official Precious Moments (TM) Jaws figurine.

And there was nothing that we could do about it. Babu Frik was a made man, and Grogu wasn't. And we had to sit still and take it. It was among the Mandalorians. It was real greaseball shit. They even shot Grogu in the face so his mother couldn't give him an open coffin at the funeral.

I'm Masuke, and I'm 17. It's that time of year when dogs are lying on the floor!

Private encrypted messages in group chat titled Town Menfolk: BUTCHER: we ve gotta do something about Georgy Porgy BUTCHER: fat fuck MILLER: pudding n pie CANDLESTICK MAKER: pudding pie CANDLESTICK MAKER: fuck beaten

Orson Welles: I worked with Grogu. Not in film you see but on the stage. Brilliant performer but a cruel disgusting wretch of a soul. Interviewer: Pourrions-nous parler de Citizen Kane à la place, s'il vous plaît ? Welles: yes he did sell out his friends to HUAC, I will never forgive him for that

Gritty is no MAN

easily one of my favorite tweets of all time

have an idea for a sitcom where it's two roommates. and get this: they're BOTH scheming viziers

“The Elder Scrolls” is what they say about you when you’re on your phone!

I would watch that version of Dune, if only to hear Daffy Duck say "Kwithatsch Haderatsch"

ELMER FUDD: ahhhhhwwwaa..... da spice mewange.... found oenwe on da desert pwanet of awwakis

"U-S-A! U-S-A!"

Look if you've got a better way to run a country than "putting an illiterate octogenarian bigot on TV every few days to free associate and complain, and then everyone tries to figure out if it means we're about to start a war or not" I'd love to hear it. But the constitution says this is it.

This year’s Met Gala theme is: The Big Bopper Everyone will be dressed in the singular signature style of The Big Bopper (1930-1959)

Today I honor the famous sorcerer Yoda

Nicolas II (Chris Pratt): Uhhh don't look now but they're on their way to the Winter Palace y'all Czarina Alexandra (Akwafina): Yoooo forreal?

June 16. www.blu-ray.com/news/?id=38284

[reading emily brontë and getting madder and madder] no one should terrify their neighborhood

zzzzz