Massive news

And there it is. Jim Carrey wins the Golden Globe for Funniest Part of Liar, Liar

Stressed because I’m writing the golden globes monologue and barely have anything down yet. So far I just have “what a year for movies and television. That crazy fucker Timothee Chalamet is here.” That barely covers 10 seconds

Buffalo players, who are all from Buffalo, have never experienced warm before and are clearly thrown off

Packer fans are so cute because any time they lose to the Bears they’re like “oh yeah well we wrote a diss polka about you”

I have reached the plane of Bears fandom that can only be described as “lol”

I actually think this win erases at least 7 whole years of Green Bay dominance over us. Maybe 8. But like, what an embarrassing GB losss. Doesn’t happen much!!

I am now mad my team might pull those. Folks. STAY MAD ALL THE TIME IN 2026

I genuinely hate this Bears team more than I hate the bad ones

If the Bears ever go 17-0 it will result in the most comical first playoff game exit in history. A franchise allergic to dignity

Tired: getting the brakes beat off you by Green Bay for 30 years Wired: still doing that but being cocky on 4th downs

Nightmare scenario at the bar. My shoe came untied. Tried to sneak a tie in but one of the main bar guys saw it and called it out. Whole bar is laughing their asses off and calling me Loose Shoes now. Might have to leave and miss the game

The Bears look to capture their first Super Bowl since 2006 (I turned that game off after the opening Hester TD)

Our man just arrived

My brothers. Marijuana Deathsquads

Can’t wait to see this guy at the Metro 2nite!

Extremely underrated On Cinema Tim look

Starting to think Dallas might’ve gotten hosed in that Luka deal

My heart is with the families of the dozens of agents likely shot and killed during this simple winter-condition road maneuver

For any casual sports fans out there: Ole is short for Old

I came here to see Kasparas Jakucionis play basketball. I’m not leaving until I do

Everywhere I go he’s there. Watching me.

Hopefully I still have enough savings left to afford Trump's $500 blue state voting charge by then!

Far down the list but worth also pointing out how insufferable film twitter became. Posting some unidentifiable still image and saying "no other film did it quite like this." WHAT IS THE FILM? SAY WHAT THE FILM IS THIS IS A PICTURE OF WATER.

I'm married to a Packer fan. She probably loves that Pearl Harbor happened. She probably loves Emperor Hirohito. Makes me sick

Tough break for a young Wizards team that was just starting to gain a little momentum.

During every modern cultural powder keg moment, a divine “wienie take” rises to the top to be dunked on and feasted upon without mercy. It’s as beautiful as it is necessary

If I reference the "other site" on here I'm talking about wikifeet

I know it sounds wrong but I’m 100% sure the Lakers have only played the Pelicans, Grizzlies, and Suns this season. No other opponents.

Without a doubt it’s the finale of Talking Bad. I know most people would pick Talking Dead, but to me Hardwick was at the top of his game here

I hate how I can be really good at typing on a keyboard but I can’t play piano. It isn’t fair that I can type up countless emails about making love but can’t write any songs about it.

Bill Curley. It’s a miracle that a modern basketball player could look like this. It kills me this number will get retired for Steph and not Big Burly Curley

The "please like us again" desperation in these is even funnier knowing that technically the current "Avengers" are still the c-level characters they thought they could coast on for 5 years. I'm sure the Sony X-Men will help America finally fall in love with...Joaquin Torres!

Pop Crave doing great work today

This is somehow going to end up with SGA on the Lakers, isn’t it

I needed something a little less depressing than the Bulls game so I’m watching The Leftovers

My close personal friend Latrell Sprewell

Just passed a guy coming back from the vending machine with chips and a shit-eating grin of pure confidence. Cocky as hell that he got a little treat

Lentil #kindsofsoup @midnight

I will be pursuing legal action against the Chicago Bears

The Bears have been very disappointing today and I will be addressing them personally at halftime

Well now I feel silly

NBA draft takes from today: - Not sure Nate Ament is an NBA player. Stat lines are fine, but he looked just as uncomfortable against 1-13 SC State as he did against Arkansas today. Not good. - Darius Acuff: Fatigue was a concern, but he's a baller. Solid backup PG at worst in the NBA (cont'd)

There’s only one real solution to all this: Chuck Schumer must assume control of Venezuela and show the Trump administration what true dignified leadership looks like

For the first time in years I'm waking up to troubling headlines and unable to ask Grok what it means

I gave Tony Dokoupil a shot to become my trusted news anchor. He failed, and I asked him to leave my hot tub immediately

I'm (finally) deleting my X account. I will genuinely miss the NBA nerd who posts new player jersey numbers as soon as they're available, but I realize that might not be worth supporting a resource-depleting robot that generates CP. I can find new jersey numbers elsewhere I hope

I also did this

Ok, good luck Tony Dickpill!

In The Life of Chuck, Tom Hiddleston turns to the camera and says “you know me, I like to keep it Low Key” and winks. This is because all MCU actors are legally obligated to improvise a Marvel reference into all future outside projects