i'd shitpost more frequently on bsky except my priority is the ballroom I am building right now

Does anyone else wake up like The Undertaker?

You replied "lmao" and yet your ass is still connected to your body. That’s fraud

If this gets reskeeted 483,000 times I’ll buy a miniature donkey.

Me: *screams into void* Void: *automated message* we're sorry, the void is currently experiencing higher than normal scream volume. Please try again later. Your screams are very important to us.

Sky tonight

That does look like really good pizza I'm not gonna lie

taking a pilgrimage to see the pie that looks like RFK Jr

So sorry I didn't answer the door my ring app is down.

I’d like to see the cheese before I get into the van

The problem is if the ring doorbell clowns showed up on my door I'd probably be like hey y'all need anything? Water? Reese's? Harvest and eat the MAGA?

Y2K was 25 years late

i see you're doing something online that you have effortlessly done 100,000 times. would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? w

once you find out you are officially losing brain cells, it’s, ummm, preliminarily amusing, Charlie Brown

People that take life seriously have no idea that life laughs at them behind their back.

Pedro Pascal was spotted at the LA No Kings protest with the best sign there.

Media outlets who refuse to describe in plain terms what the president did because they find it objectionable are lying to their audiences and running cover for the president. It's as simple as that.

My coffee machine app wouldn't work and my robovac was going haywire this morning. Both use Amazon services which was down. Microdosing the apocalypse.

And so this is Monday And what have you done

my woke take is that entirely too many people feel entitled to the benefits of a social contract while not feeling bound by the responsibilities of said contract

I’m awake, what more do you want

Every now and then you can still spot one of these beautiful creatures roaming free in the wild, and not brutally enslaved by humans, being exploited for its scales.

I just sneezed 30 times... The demon possessing me is really trying to escape but play stupid games, buddy

Her words were so cold I didn’t hear them until the spring thaw.

Started my new job at AWS this morning! Pushed a big red button. Hope that doesn’t do anything.

you see kids an AWS node went down somewhere in Missouri and that's why i can't put your bedroom light on

Sending out an internal notice that AWS is down and then spinning in my chair because I've found a scapegoat for all my problems today

Me walking into work with AWS down

when your class is online asynchronous but canvas is down because of AWS crashing. 🙃 i don't know, y'all, seems to me like letting three companies run everything is a bad idea.

My husband and I are watching a show. Him: is that “Celine Dion?” Me: (I’m confused at this point since it’s a documentary about Africa.) Him: you know “Celine Dion” in Africa. Me: you mean “Sierra Leone?” Him:Yes! So close….Sherlock.

Well thanks to the AWS outage Canvas isn't working so no school & or work I'm going back to bed 😴

OnlyFelines: Thing v *the pussy*

kindness isn't positivity. even in the depths of my depression, kindness comes easily. if you're seeking sustained positivity, i'm probably not for you.

If I have to step on people to get ahead, I’m not going anywhere.

Mom beat up a proud boy and wrecked the frog suit I loaned her.

Seattle No Kings from the monorail

‘battery low’ same, headphones same

In light of recent events, I now understand how so many people were burned in Salem.

It’s like ten thousand apps when all you need is a hobby.

Might fuck around and listen to the intrusive thoughts

They say you need four hugs a day to survive, eight for mental maintenance, and twelve to thrive. At this point I'm never going to catch up.

Roku starts playing a movie and the audio was fucked up then the Roku crashed and I said "Don't go into the light Carol Ann" you know just in case

I knew he was trouble when I didn't care if he touched my hair

If the oracle in my cereal bowl is correct, today is gonna be grrrrrreat!

Tombstone time!!

I am forever calling them touchies now

All these tech nerds ruining everything is proof that those bullies in 80s teen movies had it right

*brings the secret third thing to a knife fight*

The urge to get Valar tattooed on my right thigh and Morghulis on the left is strong.