sorry to cricket post but there is simply nothing like beating the English in less than two days at a game they invented that’s supposed to take five days

she loves it when i'm rendering. her own little panini press

sorry for rewilding your wife. I hope it's some consolation to look at all the flora and fauna that are thriving inside her

He’s mincemeat for menswear guy. Doesn’t he know we have a guy for this? We have a whole guy just for this

Writing a poem so good it triggers the collapse of western capitalism

The bank app is telling me to "tap & pay like a boss😏" and "rally my crew". I am 37 years old and you are the bank. Don't talk to me this way.

god i love cats. what is their problem

BILL MAHER: seems like everywhere you look these days women are saying sir we asked you to leave

“This supplement cleans the toxins from your body” excuse me I put those toxins there on purpose to have a good time

Are there no heroes in this country? Does nobody know how to leak documents? There were a thousand of you FBI dumbasses removing Trump’s name. Do none of you have any love for democracy or the world? Such a disappointment.

with Marjorie Taylor Greene being kind of a whack job and magic the gathering rolling every IP it can into the game, it’s taking longer and longer to decipher which one posts about “MTG” are actually referencing lately

text “STOP” just to feel something

The cool thing about having a political world view that's not a weird personality cult tied to one old man is that there's no one so integral to your policy preferences that whether or not to overlook and conceal their complicity in mass paedophilia is a hard choice. I really recommend it.

[To the tune of Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison] 🎵Baba Yaga 🎵Walking down the street 🎵Baba Yaga 🎵House with chicken feet 🎵Baba Yaga

sceptical that any meaningful consequence will find Trump even if the files contain unassailable proof of every horror we suspect but I do think if the jaws ever looked like they were really going to close on him he would make a dramatic attempt to flee that would be outrageously, historically funny

adopt don’t shop

Yes … meow meow meow … YES! Happy Friday from Dottie. I’ve always believed cats were Sickos … @theonion.com

KEEP HONKING I'M LISTENING TO THE HONEYED LIES OF MY TREACHEROUS VIZIER

Hey so “underage girls” are…children. The word you’re looking for is children. They’re not like, women-in-waiting or women-lite or whatever. They’re children. I think some of you are very uncomfortable with what that means for you but it is still true.

men are in crisis because they can no longer bond over shared interests like sexual harassment, or sexual harassment

Music is basically a detective novel where the musicians are the suspects/criminals, the listener is the detective and of course the music is the crime. The listener tries to determine what happened and what was the motivation, while the musicians try to obscure this, so they can get away with it.

From: Larry Summers Subject: Thought Women, pah! Such low minded cattle, like cows to me. Not yet of the eshalone of a peak male brain. Thinkst you so, Jeffrey? From: Jeffrey Epstein Subject: ❗ Re: Thought impotant pattern . i just remebrered all the letters . a b b c e g f i p l m n s t u xv z .

My takeaway from every new Epstein revelation is that some powerful people victimized many powerless young women, many more knew, some actively enabled it--and we're still being told that MeToo and accountability for sexual violence have gone too far

literally in the middle of this exact folly, just surrounded by my own crap in all its naked crapness

Hmm it seems that all the people who rule over us, in government and the private sector and academia, are evil pedophiles.

they should invent a thought that's not intrusive

it’s a great day to be a real lyrics- head online

jokes on you - i was already gonna push a rock up a hill forever

And thou mayest aske thyself, 'How do Ich werke thys?' And thou mayest aske thyself, 'Wher ys that large destrier?' And thou mayest telle thyself, 'Thys nys not my beautiful castle!' And thou mayest telle thyself, 'Thys nys not my swift goshawk!'

if you are the bandicoot that lives in my backyard and goes ₕₒₙₖ ₕₒₙₖ at night then please be advised you are on CCTV

my favorite part of killing evil skeletons is the xylophone sound they make when they collapse into a pile of bones

One of you probably

Me to my friend’s cat: lol. it’s almost like you like the box better than the toy! haha! that is so funny. what the heck. Cat: If you loved a joke as much as the laugh, the sun as much as its warmth, your lover as much as their love, you too would love the box as much as the toy, two-legs.

The three types of ‘50s pop songs were come on everybody let’s do the snap pea, if you ever kissed me I would turn into some goo, and hey hey beautiful child I would never take you over state lines

re The Mummy news, call me when John Hannah is on board

you better believe i’m not pushing play on a clip of elon musk talking. that’s a gah-ron-tee

if you are the bandicoot that lives in my backyard and goes ₕₒₙₖ ₕₒₙₖ at night then please be advised you are on CCTV

the people in charge of the world hate everyone else but at least the earth is dying and soon all of us will also die

hearing that a second baseball has hit the towers

hey bub, why don’t you make like a tree and grow deep, stable roots that’ll nourish and sustain you for years to come

a skeleton profile pic is for life not just for October

if there is one thing i've learned from the timeline today it's this: baseball

telling everyone in the home depot gravel aisle that these stones have seen more sunsets than all the humans who ever lived combined

Genuinely delighted to download a PhD thesis from a university repository where the author has neglected to remove the words "BITCH THIS IS YOUR THESIS" from the filename.