[seductively] hey sebulba

the judge said i did such a good job representing myself in court that they're going to send me to gifted prison

the pharmacy i go to has the absolute worst lighting - i need to figure out a normal-seeming way to show the cashiers there a well-lit photo of me

A powerful witch with a hand gun. Such things are beyond the ken of most

acab includes dustbusters

going to walgreens in my mind

the witching hour-thirty

you should come over tomorrow - we can open a bottle of pinot grigio and i’ll cook those weird eggs i found

RIDLEY SCOTT: I am making a movie about an ultra badass hero who fights an alien. The character is named Ridley EXECUTIVE: Isn't that your name? RIDLEY SCOTT: I said Ripley

i’ve never had more ketchup than i do at this moment

i’m wearing a wedding dress today just in case

Revelations fever is coming to Oakland!! www.tickettailor.com/events/shape...

You can trust any account with a Don Knotts pfp

roundhouse kicking your dumb hat clean off

ants are going on clearance - big discounts

i’m younger than i am

originally the Star Wars opening crawl was going to continue on and describe the entire movie

ants for sale

the velvet underground & grogu

this morning someone yelled “learn how to drive you dumb bitch” at me - it was so affirming ❤️❤️❤️❤️

i’m listening to fugazi and eating a bowl of cereal - i can’t believe i’ve never done this before!

wrapping a frozen burrito in a damp paper towel feels very intimate

Dasani on tap

rock & roll is here to stay

i’m learning so much knowledge today

the #1 name for infants born in 2026 is Junior Soprano

Setting the bidet to “kill”

"Egg Man" is an Easter song

these are straight up movies. they just happen to be in poem form because I couldn’t pull the funding together to make them conventionally markleidner.substack.com/p/four-poems-that-are-a24-films

Gosford Park (2001) Gosford World (2015) Gosford World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)

a trapezoid-shaped toilet, a crapezoid

after about a block and a half you realize laughing all the way to the bank is gonna suck

hittin the buffet in full ceremonial garb

it’s so embarrassing to be driving next to the same model/color of car

i’m buying a haircut today

imagining a guy trying to make dinner with a leaf blower

I know it's not butter. I just can't 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙫𝙚 it.

I have developed the world's first hover car, after months of tireless effort

this new tape i bought is PERFECT for ducts

supper tiiiime and the eating is eeeaasyyy

don’t pick your nose when you’re riding an ebike please

he wants it, he wants the Precious 😤

This came to me in a dream

why do nerds suddenly appear every time I post here

Love the glimpse into the beautiful mind that notated this used copy of Moby Dick I got

i have a special drawer for my hair dryer

if i ever have to land a plane, i’m gonna try to ‘set her down easy’ - that’s a promise

euphemism for masturbation: ‘at a VERY poorly attended orgy’

Whoa-oh We're halfway there WHOA-OH