I just wanna be in between this peanut butter and chocolate sandwich

Spicing things up in the bedroom with a few stalks of celery.

She let me hit coz I use active voice for clarity and directness.

honk if beauty must be endured

To a fake scientist like me the whole world is ridiculously attractive

Cheating on an exam by memorizing everything the professor taught in advance so I can easily answer all the questions

What if it was never trolling? What if it was always serious? And what if we had treated it that way?

Democrats: How can we go viral? (a pastor goes mega-viral for calling Trump a bigot to his face) Democrats: What if Tim Kaine made a BLT on Instagram Live

The Trump administration’s anti-DEI snitching plan is getting flooded with fake reports after it tried to strong-arm federal workers into ratting out their colleagues.

You was in the club without clarity of purpose

It's out! share it, buy it, read it! taliabhatt.itch.io/t... www.amazon.com/Trans...

I respect any videogame that tells me the world is ending but lets me go fishing

Dry January has taught me I don’t need to drink. I can go to bed at 8 PM instead.

If I were a quarterback, once every game I’d pretend to throw the ball, but hide it behind my back and watch everyone run.

You might not do politics, but politics is gonna do YOU 🫵🏾

“shooting the breeze”? you can’t hurt the air with bullets, idiot

r/baseball: likely banning links to X r/hockey: banned links to X r/NBA: banned links to X, instagram and threads r/NFL: banned links to X, pinned bsky starter packs for all 32 teams i don't think we should blow it out of proportion but hopefully it helps encourage league reporters to come over

been staring at this for a while

Typed this post with morse code hehe

acting like i don't know who my coworker means when they talk about haliey welch because i can tell theyre spelling it hailey

olive garben. when you’re here, you’re familiar

in canada all the trans guys choose the name kilometers

great bit of Area 51 lore is multiple guys claiming to have hung out with an alien named J-Rod

If you’re new here it’s helpful to know that Bluesky has a unique culture centered around lifting up my posts, celebrating all my stuff, and promoting me to your friends and family

Bees will make us honey if we give them a second

i bought a guitar but i still cant play it what gives? refund? thanks.

circling the drain ouroborosly

i used brano for my mind pipes

[Muttering to myself in abject shame] I am so fucking sauceless... A sauceless buffoon... [I forgot to get sauce for the pizza]

if you followed me because i replied "diarrhea" to a friend, i'm captivated by what sort of person you might be. stranger who did not find me at my finest hour, thank you for thinking there's a chance not everything i say is shit

how come everyone always wants to be “jorkin my peanits” and never “jorkin my heart”

ohhhhh so this feeling gets worse and not better i get it

local gen z MOOCHES off of coddling parents (asks for head of cabbage at the store, also free rent and free dinner every night)

QUICK!!! Everyone collectively manifest him just disappearing

ChatGPT is down? Huh. Crazy how that doesn't affect my life in literally any way at all

I was hoping it’d keep being “be gay, do crime” rather than “be gay (do crime)” for a little bit longer. 😔

we need uplifted here & the best way i can do that is posting ball & long toenail to the gc

I think I’m A Sabrina Carpenter fan! What are they called? Carpet Munchers?

i woke up hungry with the world today

meal prep is so cool. you get the fun of cooking once, and then for the rest of the week it's like delicious food for you is just ~magically~ in the fridge

do not marry that man that smokes 3 joints a day and has socks that say “set blazers to fun”. you must find a woman who spends 3,000 dollars a month on fish and assorted aquaria

all surgeries should be live-streamed and you should be able to tip to make the operating room staff do tiktok dances