Im hearing mikeo has gone as viral as justin bieber’s egg. can anyone corroborate ?

me: trying to tell my friend that I found the location of the priceless jade scorpion i've been searching for all these years moments after i proposed to my girlfriend my friend who always misses the point of every story: omg congratulations on your engagement!!! so happy for you!! 🙄

ghosting my vape in the opera bathroom

it's not a big deal to be named nile jarvis, as I am. just the normal name my parents happened to give me. no big whoop

my name is Nile Jarvis. two fun facts about me, I'm a man of few words and big action

hi everyone my name is nile jarvis

Meet Nile Jarvis, a man of few words and big action. TH...

it's #followsfriday

ONE PERFECT SHOT THE TIME TRAVEL HILLS (2024) Dir. Tatiana Sokolova, Daniel Curtis Lee

just some of my great ideas if anyone at amazon mgm follows me (they all do)

sad that we never got a james bond film at that perfect moment in time when he definitely would have had to ride a skateboard at one point

come come Mr Bond, you get as much fulfilment out of using multiple slurp juices on a single ape as I do

Bond: remind me to thank the geniuses at Q branch for this Q: oh it wasn't any of us, it was - ah, there he is now Elon Musk: hellao jims bind

Q: and here's your new car, a Tesla Model Y Bond: this is much cooler than anything you've ever made Q: yes I know Bond: they're a wonderful company Q: quite

james bond 007 is MIA. you're the only man with the skills, muscles and intellect capable of finding him and bringing him back alive elon musk: am ip for the jib! ipic!

there's a new guy just started working at MI6 also called james bond. original james is seething in the break room because all the women in the office are calling the newbie Hot James

UN"SHAVEN" AND STIRRED: Outraged Fans Left Thunder"BAWLing" After Petition For "First Goateed James Bond" Reaches Parliament

mgm execs real excited about my pitch to take james bond back to basics but getting less and less excited as they realise i'm exclusively concerned with making him a speed addict again

when i was 7 my best friend pitched me two ideas that were essentially detective pikachu and pluto tv 20 years before the world was ready for either

between the fresh grassy green of his hair and the ripe strawberry red of his cheeky brimless hat, i'm getting serious summer vibes off of this grinch fellow

this thing is now available everywhere (but spotify), get it get it get it! Thanks again to all of the contributors and everyone who has supported it so far!

HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!! after many months of downtime and a huge bidding war, Horsle finally has a new home! Much imi"neigh"ted (imitated) but never outdone, this is the ONLY word game on the Internet where the answer is always just the word horse. That's the Horsle guarantee cabletwo.net/horsle

#repostthis #retweet #viraltweet #postoftheweek #repost #trending #filmtwitter #cloutweekend

jojo has top notes of juniper and vetiver with middle notes of patchouli and sandalwood and base notes of musk #jojoscentexposed

anyone have sabrina carpenter's discord @? need to ask her something

frasier never uses a coaster

am i going to have to remember to check a website every day if i move to mastodon

how boomers think you get a job

i'm trying to discover the next great italian skateboarder

did people stop wearing belts. am i crazy. did people stop wearing belts

Friend: Are you pretending to be an international reviewer on Amazon again Me: Excelente producto

gaining access to the Fingernet changed my life #fingernet

vape ashtray ashtray for vapes where does ash from vape go

THE FINGERNET IS NOW #FINGERNET

rabbit rabbit

I straight up stan beautiful sexy women. Retweet if you're also a member of this stan community.

gordon ramsay, revisiting gotham city's oldest italian restaurant 5 years after he gave it a makeover and the joker killed his mum: fuck me. i don't know what's worse, the pasta or your attitude or the fact that 5 years ago the joker killed my mum

i sort of lowkey hope nobody ever shoots a gun at my head or in my body. or a knife

daniel day-lewis? the cobbler?

i'm seeing the number 26 everywhere today: calendars, etc. that's so interesting

Spellcasting for Bunnies 🪄 grassyvalley.thecomi...

i'm into numerology now

guy who's french

my horoscope today says i have a total free pass for whatever. it says "god's not watching"

the genius of elliott smith's songwriting is that every track is composed in such a way that you can do the twist to it

Literally braver than the freakin troops #CouchFabricChallenge

being brave 4 couches #couchfabricchallengr

99% of Bluesky users won't have the courage to share their couch fabric with the world. If you're part of the 1% brave enough to do so, won't you join me in the #CouchFabricChallenge?