hey man, we can all tell you left the function early to go jack off. just thought you should know because we can see it all over your face and shirt and hands

should i tell her im in love with her or go grab a pb&j from the kitchen ?

had an idea

the part of open casket where the riff kicks back in and chuck yells “OPENNN… CAASKEEETTT… OPENNNN… CAAASKEEEEAHHHAUAUUUUGGGHHH” means everything to me

I didn’t like moonrise kingdom very much. and that’s ok to me

Siri play “pink cigarette” by mr bungle and have someone come check up on me in a couple hours

had an idea

Yeah I like "Dubai" chocolate - Dubai it at the store to eat it!

hey girl. would you do you want to come over and listen to Oath Bound by Summoning

The death squad situation in American cities is unacceptable, which is why I propose we provide student loan forgiveness to any goon who spends at least three years terrorizing their community

Violence is always unacceptable, and threats of violence have no place in public discourse. Our thoughts are with Charlie Kirk and his family.

let's all eat ice cream and watch smosh gaming!!!

yo mama!!!

Millennials are killing Applebee's

On day 8 of our Administration, @governor.ny.gov and I announced the beginning of universal childcare in NYC. No longer will New Yorkers be forced to choose between starting a family and continuing to live in the city they love. This only happened because of you.

my millennial ass be in the pussy like “ermahgerd… thernk yer…”

anyone else listening to immolation and preparing today's slides 1 hour before class or nah

soulja boy was really onto something when he called braid gay as hell

i'm going to invent a life worth living later. and youre all invited to the ceremony

lmao

they're going to invent somethning new soon

Conservatives: Maduro was a brutal dictator and a tyrant! He had to go! Liberals: You can’t just do that! Trump just wants oil! Terrarian Drake: you used to call me on your shell phone!

the soil pouring over my head!! i can feel it!!!

dropping "my wife" in casual conversation so people stop asking me what i do for a living

*to my friends We and Peace* who did what now

i need you more than i love you bro

bro you are being so babygirl right now. and it's turning me on

erections of the mind and boners of the soul

One of my buddies just accreted something amazing

hawk tuahb girl

remember the ALAMW - All Latinas Are My Wife

me to my high schoolers: do yall fw mr bungle or not really

Would you rather a Fugly Foid or a Cheugy Chud

from:me carbuncles

from:me pustules

ha ha ha. you're so cute *gives you scritches on your head, laughs warmly as you kick your leg*

remember the ALAMW - All Latinas Are My Wife

instagram is short for instant gram. fuck this. i'm in grad school i should be better than this

i'm 33 years old and my students are younger than my world of warcraft character

i'm 4 millimeters tall and i'm establishing base camp in quadrant 47 of your front yard

should i go to san francisco tomorrow and do fucking nothing or nah

The Girl With The Hawk Tuah Tattoo

tubgirl on that thang !

what happened to hawk tuah? did she choke on that thing and die?

thanks for providing the reading materials online and not making me buy your textbook. i know not getting your cut of royalties took a lot of restraint

in n out employee: Will you be eating in the car? me: fuck no bitch, gimme a bag! also me: *pulls into an empty parking lot and eats out of the bag* anyone else relate to this ?

im jo berculosis

TAKE THE SHOT