Jemma
@cygnus5.bsky.social
📤 370
📥 116
📝 1232
not a hayseed
pinned post!
Unsolicited advice. With a side of judgment.
2 months ago
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I know you want to be friends, but walking circles around my house is not the way to win me over
about 4 hours ago
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Salty MacTavish
about 11 hours ago
I wave whenever I hear a failing exhaust because I figure it’s someone I know
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Salty MacTavish
about 11 hours ago
It’s pretty scooters out there. Salty’s gonna start talking about himself in the 3rd person. Salty’s funny that way
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weeder
1 day ago
Comin for you, Michael at Nordstrom
add a skeleton here at some point
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Mary
2 days ago
Oh no, it’s swiss cheese in a tiny bowl snack time.
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Mary
2 days ago
When something I have breaks, a part of me goes to immediate acceptance that it is going to be like that forever. Whelp, it was nice having a trunk I guess.
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Kip Conlon
2 days ago
Came home with lipstick on my collar. Totally innocent explanation, but try telling that to my empty apartment.
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Salty MacTavish
1 day ago
Whoa there cul-de-sac cowboy in your big ol' shiny truck. Are you ridin' to Dunks to round up some donuts with sprinkles?
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Salty MacTavish
1 day ago
Opening a screen door should sound like an old man bringing a can of dilly beans up from the cellar
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Salty MacTavish
1 day ago
We get pretty excited about epsom salt around here
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Tamreen
2 days ago
sideburns being named after general burnsides sounds like one of those apocryphal folk legends except it's true. They're literally named after this guy
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Salty MacTavish
3 days ago
Me and a Carolina wren watching the sun slip down through the oaks and pitch pines, thinking about longer days
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Retacof
3 days ago
We had a pretty evening. So unusual.
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weeder
3 days ago
It would almost be worth naming your baby Roy to talk about your little bundle of Roy.
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Mary
3 days ago
I’ve seen fingerless gloves, but I would like gloves that are just fingers. I’m not saying they wouldn’t be hard to keep track of but think of the possibilities.
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Kip Conlon
3 days ago
Apparently my “Jeopardy!” anecdote was a little too real for the network censors.
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andy vs
2 days ago
I am physically unable to go through a yellow light without saying "ha ha haa" in a menacing voice
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Trish K
2 days ago
Good morning, Skeethearts! ☕️☀️ 🩷 PSA for the day:
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⚔️🎀 𝔉𝔦𝔞𝔡𝔥 🎀⚔️
3 days ago
ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be annoying online
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weeder
2 days ago
Remember hearing a lot as a kid "felt like I got hit by a Mack truck." That's some weird brand recognition.
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Middle age is mostly squinting at things and looking for things.
2 days ago
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When I see a little mallard fly in for a landing, life is good
2 days ago
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Holly☕️🍺🥃🍺🍹🍺🍷🍺🕛🏳️🌈🏴⚓️⚖️💙🇺🇦
2 days ago
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If only my husband and the downstairs neighbor could sync their chronic coughs.
2 days ago
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Salty MacTavish
3 days ago
I will break into your house to turn down the thermostat so help me
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David M. Perry
5 days ago
I like that on social media we all pause and look at the sky and share what we see and it's good. It's good.
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Sam
5 days ago
10 out of 10 pieces of furniture prefer your little toe.
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Outside my daughter’s house, Massachusetts
#auroraborealis
5 days ago
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Hobbies include shopping on eBay and lowballing Facebook Marketplace sellers.
5 days ago
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Dak
6 days ago
My smartwatch says I slept for 3 hours and screamed for 5. It gave me a badge.
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Gretchen von Tongeln
6 days ago
The spider in my shower should've known better.
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Is there anything more reassuring than a creepy guy insisting he is not creepy?
5 days ago
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I will roast you for 1000k
6 days ago
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David Lea Kenney Wildlife Photography
6 days ago
Ah why not? Here's another Barn Owl picture I have taken. This beauty was flying right towards me.
#birds
#birdphotography
#photography
#wildlifephotography
#wildlife
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Jack Boot
6 days ago
" "Jury-rigged" refers to a clever temporary solution, whereas "jerry-rigged" refers to something that was poorly constructed in the first place." I never knew these were different terms with different meanings. You can Google the etymology. Interesting.
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George Michael though
8 days ago
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I’m at the “I love you guys” part of the wedding
8 days ago
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Autistic Adam
9 days ago
Being autistic and curious about how I can enter a conversation at the right time. I have the answer to this. I don't.
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weeder
9 days ago
When I get that feeling, I want affordable healing.
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fesshole 🧻
9 days ago
My mum just said to me "You should be hung like a horse". When I challenged her over saying such a thing, it transpires she thought it was a punishment horses got. Turns out she's been incorrectly using the phrase since the 90s in various settings
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Not JPo
8 days ago
The only thing that stands between you and your dreams are all the things you suck at
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Molly Templeton
9 days ago
a petty thing I feel very strongly about is that it should be illegal for a company to email you just because you visited its website. stop that. stop that at once. no I did not buy your item and now I WILL NEVER BUY YOUR ITEM.
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Daisy
9 days ago
He’s a 10 but he’s not into me
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[Sic] Burns
9 days ago
Sure now I can watch football on an 80-inch 4k TV above the fireplace but nothing will ever top watching SCTV on my 12-inch b/w on the floor next to my bed at 1 am.
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ℬσnViναnт ғғѕ
9 days ago
This ginkgo tree is in my neighbors’ yard & I wish it was in mine but I’m glad I at least get to admire it 🥰 such a lovely thing.
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Mike Ginn
9 days ago
I tried to whistle over a stray cat in my neighborhood and a woman walked by, who I worried thought I whistled at her. So I said “im whistling at the cat” but when I looked back down at it I realized it was just an old fast food bag
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A windmill fell into a cranberry bog and I need to know if the cranberries are alright
9 days ago
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Salty MacTavish
10 days ago
Of course I don’t post selfies. Like normal people my age I grew up hating the way I looked
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Salty MacTavish
10 days ago
Someone on the old site once posted ‘have you ever owned a vinyl record?’ and instead of replying I withdrew to my horseless carriage and drove to the dry goods store to purchase a box of powdered milk
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Turkey Time Betsy 🦃
9 days ago
In B52’s “Tin Roof, Rusted” voice: The Vibes, Rancid
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