Jemma
@cygnus5.bsky.social
π€ 399
π₯ 120
π 1309
not a hayseed
pinned post!
Unsolicited advice. With a side of judgment.
4 months ago
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
about 17 hours ago
Whenever I feel homesick I go into a dive bar.
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Salty MacTavish
about 9 hours ago
Not so long ago, all of us old guys would have been eaten by lions or died of tooth decay by now
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Needless To Say
about 11 hours ago
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They paved paradise and put up a pickleball court
about 9 hours ago
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Mary
about 13 hours ago
It seems like part of being a print model is pulling on your jacket collar like itβs bothering you while you look up to see if the old garage gutter is dripping muck again.
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sweetie Ο
about 15 hours ago
said i was making jambalaya for dinner and immediately my dad and kids starting singing the jambalaya song and i wish i could bottle this spontaneous moment of joy and keep it with me forever
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Jeff
about 18 hours ago
Amanita mascaria. NWT, Canada.
#mushroom
#fungi
#fungifriends
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Our mall is dying but on the bright side they turned the Abercrombie & Fitch into a doll house museum.
about 18 hours ago
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What this 50th anniversary slideshow tells me is that you didnβt pick your baby up enough.
about 20 hours ago
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BooBooKitty
3 days ago
I prefer the βideaβ of people.
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Salty MacTavish
3 days ago
I kind of love the way the camera lingers for what seems an eternity on any letter or map in a Three Stooges episode. Itβs like, take your time β we worked hard to make this bit funny and we want you to forget about your consumption or polio for a moment
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Mary
5 days ago
Iβll draw a partial sun in the upper corner of the paper, but Iβm gonna give it a full smiley face and some rays. Weβre all doing the best we can.
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Earl of Minto GCB PC
3 days ago
I thought one had to live in Duxbury to have a *mustachio*. Live and learn.
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Charlie Alzamora
4 days ago
Right after Bam-Bam's adoption had finally gone through, Betty Rubble discovered Barney had fathered a child out of Bedrock.
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Sean Thomason
over 1 year ago
Trying to imagine what it'd take for me to yell at a server. Like if I ordered an omelette and they brought me a bowl of rats? But I'd probably still just be like "I'm sorry, you seem to have brought me someone else's bowl of rats."
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Never trust a dentist that advertises on Facebook Marketplace.
5 days ago
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DaddyJew
5 days ago
I get all of the exercise I need by pushing other peopleβs buttons
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Salty MacTavish
10 days ago
In my day, a charcuterie board was a sleeve of saltines on a cable spool table
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Salty MacTavish
10 days ago
After a long day, I get in the shower and squat like some kind of protohuman searching the shallows for crayfish and make grunting sounds while the hair conditioner works its magic
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Wristy
10 days ago
I'm sorry but "umami" just sounds made up
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11 days ago
Memories so old they're in black and white
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mindflakes
10 days ago
Just set my email autoreply to the word DON'T in 72pt bold caps
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TwoSense
11 days ago
the most tenacious of all bells are the jingle bells
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Mary
11 days ago
The store is out of peppermint extract, so I looked up to see if I could use something else and it turns out you can easily make it. You just need some fresh mint leaves, some vodka, and a number of months.
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Juiceticles
14 days ago
Wish I could see my kids' faces when they realize the only thing in my will is the Scrabble diamond anniversary edition
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Uncle Duke
11 days ago
Iβd always known that my wife had difficulty admitting mistakes, but one day in 2016, I pointed out that sheβd entered our address incorrectly into the GPS. She denied it, and we arrived at the home of a lovely elderly couple named Burt and Anna, whom weβve lived with ever since.
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Charlie Alzamora
10 days ago
10,000 Maniacs in 1997 is worth about 20,200 Maniacs today.
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captcha
11 days ago
Spatula is a beautiful name for a baby girl
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Itβs hard not to feel like ISIS when youβre driving around in a rented box truck.
15 days ago
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Mike Primavera
15 days ago
I thought trimming my beard like Wolverine would make me look cool but | just look like his fat Italian cousin Wolveroni.
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Massachusetts is all, βDid you buy something from New Hampshire? You better tell us. If you donβt tell us, weβre gonna find out. We have ways. And youβre gonna owe us a 6.25% cut.β like some kind of mob boss.
15 days ago
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If you use a Sharpie to draw a big βSβ on the shampoo bottle, you are my people.
16 days ago
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Network Sportsball Analyst
16 days ago
The account that brought you such bangers as βomg lolβ and βomg lolzβ
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I have 109 tabs open and theyβre all asking for a six digit code
16 days ago
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weeder
16 days ago
Two dings don't make a dong
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One time, 7 years ago someone spammed me so hard about nothing that I put her on Do Not Disturb. She is still in time out. I see her texts when I see them.
17 days ago
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Salty MacTavish
17 days ago
I stand by my favorable review of the music in that Burger King commercial
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Whoever made plant based cheese, who hurt you?
17 days ago
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Brick's House π
21 days ago
My boss: please stop using air quotes every time you say work
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Path π
19 days ago
Him: You got your ππππππ in my πππππππ! Her: π π°πΆ got your πππππππ in my ππππππ! Announcer: πππ πππππ ππππππ ππππ πππππ πππππ ππππππ--
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weeder
17 days ago
Texting my therapist right before the appt "coming in hot"
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Printers these daysβ¦ mine just told me to βremove and shake cyan cartridgeβ
17 days ago
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I think Iβm a nice person until I hear the things I say when Iβm watching HGTV.
18 days ago
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Needless To Say
19 days ago
Joseph Cornell
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Sunshine Jarboly
20 days ago
me, being mauled by a dog: please make him stop. the owner of the dog who is mauling me: itβs a she.
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Jake_Vig
20 days ago
My ticket plus parking cost $500. I do not want to see a fan pulled up on stage to perform.
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Norm
20 days ago
i wanna be put in airplane mode
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Miss Havishambles
20 days ago
This e-card could have been something meaningful.
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Mary
20 days ago
Iβm sorry, itβs just that the last time I saw you, you were a veterinarian.
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Timmons Roberts
20 days ago
I have been teaching at Brown University for 16 years, and have considered campus and Providence as one of the safest places I've ever lived in the U.S. Still, it's happened here. My heart goes out to those students and families as they deal with this. We owe them better.
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