Influencers are showing people how to wash their underwear in hotel coffee pots and I thought you should know.

I re-used an email and in changing the dates asked them to respond by February 25rd.

It should be spelled CiA because I spy with my little i.

53 years old and still smarting over never having a Barbie Dream House.

In my Bothered Era.

Our view rn from every window

Is there anything worse than a cut on your hand when you’re like I know this isn’t going to heal for a week at least.

Sometimes I get the same feeling on here like when I wander into a room and forget why

oh no i tripped and fell into my recliner instead of doing my chores

A New York minute is just a regular minute that tells you that pizza where you live sucks.

In the time before smart phones we’d spend these hours placing needles on vinyl and chucking rocks at streetlights

I would like to slap the person that started heart hands.

We should have listened when the modems screamed at us.

Chaco’s eyebrows are on point today

In marriage, there is one person that always folds the couch blankets and one person that never folds the couch blankets.

can’t. I’m pumping up the jam

I will not ride at dawn. That’s way too early

The strap on my Fitbit broke. Is that it? Have I achieved fitness?

Going to Jolly Cholly’s if anyone wants to come along.

Going to Jolly Cholly’s if anyone wants to come along.

If was an Olympic figure skater, I would simply not fall.

I will never recover from the ick I got from Morrissey riding that tractor.

But for the killing, I loved everything about my years aboard a 19th-century whaling vessel

My sister googling coworkers homes to see what’s safe to eat at the work potluck.

A makeup routine so simple, it can be done in Dunkin’s drive thru.

Kid Rock just stole my catalytic converter

Man I miss crop circles and skinny jeans.

You’re too edgy for me, my guy. I listen to Al Jarreau and take pictures of glass doorknobs

I don’t know who you think you are. But you ain’t.

one time when i was a kid my family took care of an injured squirrel that had fallen out of a tree. we tried to nurse it back to health for about a month but it showed no signs of improvement until one day my dad realized that it was just a simple pine cone.

Crows can hold a grudge for 17 years and I feel this in my soul

I read Shel Silverstein as a kid, we’re not the same

Another day another text fight.

Omg DRAFTS!

When I go to the dentist I show them a picture of a radio announcer calling a baseball game from the 1930’s and say I want teeth just like that

rage verification

I have a list of people I’m disappointed with in my drafts folder.

Thank you for your ire.

You can’t emoji your way out of this

That heady mix of rage and satisfaction

hi I love your dog ~me awkwardly to anyone walking by with a dog

Before leaving the vet, the receptionist mentioned the bill and I said "Put it on my Tabby" and the cat looked like "See what I gotta deal with?"

Welcome to your 50’s Your body parts now predict the weather

Hours in and I still don’t have the uniforms straight

I went too far down the rabbit hole.

a watched skeet never bangs

Watching the Olympics while executing a perfect 17 second plank.

I am a woman of Strong Aversions.

I hope Bad Bunny can knock the Kendrick Lamar song out of my head thats been on there since the last Super Bowl.

My friend’s ancestor story: 1783 (in the seventh year of the Independence), a wife was granted a divorce on the basis of her husband committing incestuous adultery. It was signed: