DOCTOR: "So what seems to be the problem?" PATIENT: "Mmhbbhhggr hhruuh engghhuu." DOCTOR: "I'm sorry I can't understand, but don't worry. Great singer Bob Dylan is in town. Go see his show and no matter what ails you, you'll feel better!" PATIENT (sadly): "Ehg ddnghh m'm Bddnnn."

“Spelunker.” Such a funny word. Anyway, have they found your husband yet?

Just watched the wonderful 'how is prangent formed?' video for the eighteen thousandth time, and I'm crying laughing. Again. I think it might be the best thing on the Internet.

TOUR GUIDE: while you probably won't spot Nessie, we do guarantee that everybody who peers into the loch will see a monster looking back at them ME: of course. Wet Bigfoot.

HM Saffer II • Moon Waters • night Venticelli •

Classicist here to inform you all that this is ancient Greek for summoning a cat

[Watching Sesame Street with my son] ME: In Spain, Elmo is called The Mo WIFE: *from another room* YOU'RE A TERRIBLE FATHER

Gilet, the vest a man can get.

"average person eats a plate of plastic a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 plastic per year. Plastics Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 plastic bags each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

fr tho

Buying Steam games and playing Steam games really are 2 different hobbies

Ok this is a truly great tweet

a horse walks into a bar and says to the barman, "on a right angled triangle with sides x, y and z, if x and z are perpendicular which side is opposite the right angle?", and the barman says "y, the long face"

YOU’RE LISTENING TO SISYPHUS FM, THE HOME OF NON-STOP ROCK

my neighbor says that he is not a genie yet every time i rub his house he comes outside

There are days when I miss being an editor. I loved writing headlines. Whoever did this, I hope they took the rest of the day off.

A highly enjoyable bit of cultural convergent evolution is that His Dark Materials has the same narrative structure as a 90s JRPG: First level: you, your childhood friend who will ultimately die have childish hijinks! Final level: you, your love interest and a motley crew fight God

Rewatching 30 Rock and I think this is still possibly one of the best constructed jokes in anything, ever.

If you read them from the beginning they're the words of a dog who desperately wants you to come over because they've seen a frisbee

Started playing this catfishing.net this week. Guess ten wiki articles from their categories. Very tricky. But quite satisfying.

before and after smoking a big explosive cartoon cigar

Every guy in a videogame:

📢 Introducing my new daily word game, Keywords! "If Only Connect was presented by Mavis Beacon*" Like Wordle? Like Connections? Like stuff? Then there's a vague chance you'll enjoy this. Find the five connected words of increasing length by typing into the boxes. *one for the young'uns there

Star wars is an otherwise mediocre series, elevated far beyond its merits by an incredible music score. Also, Rogue One is the best Star War.

Bert and Ernie should have their own show. I don't want to have to watch Sesame Street to see what they're up to. I'm not 5

famously the only joke allowed on Wikipedia is, in their List of Whales, any entry that is missing a photo says [cetacean needed] apparently some unfunny losers have made it their job to find public domain images of whales to eradicate this joke only one instance of [cetacean needed] remains

I think about this all the time.

I like to look at things with a magnifying glass to see what they’re really made of. For example, and not a lot of people know this, ants are actually made from fire.

Apologizing to Sid Meier for my previous claims that Axeman units defeating jets in combat was "unrealistic"

I remain, Sir, Ever yours,

Which London Underground journey is faster? Test your tube knowledge! I scored 15 on Play Your Tubes Right. edjefferson.com/playyourtube...

Fat Lip is 25 years old this week! *crumbles to dust* youtu.be/CMX2lPum_pg?...

Start your Friday with this happy little thread

every time I see Al Carns mentioned I feel like when Dawn turned up in BTVS and everyone acted like Buffy had always had a sister

NEW: The Green Party is STILL bad at being green (FREE TO READ) takes.jamesomalley.co.uk/p/the-green-...

If you put Shakespeare in a room with a typewriter for an infinite amount of time, he’d eventually come up with the complete works of the Monkees

*Sean Connery voice

West Side Story really went downhill after the Jets jumped the Sharks.

One by @robinflavell.bsky.social and myself.

VERY COOL PERSON: It's four-twenty, you know what that means? ME: Hell yeah! [starts shoving blackbirds into a pie]

Two Princes by Spin Doctors

How to build a nested list 1) Start like this A) Then do this Bird: I live here now 2) Make sure to get the bird out Bird: NO

never say "Okay", say "OK" instead, gives you more time to deadlift

*Papa Roach voice* TOOK MY WIFE AND TWO NIECES TO DISNEYLAND RESORT

30 years ago today, Principal Skinner purchased fast food to disguise as his own cooking at an unforgettable luncheon with Superintendent Chalmers. #TheSimpsons episode “22 Short Films About Springfield” first aired April 14, 1996.

Happy Praying Mantis Appreciation Day, to all who celebrate… CHILD PRAYING MANTIS: Dad, who are we all praying to exactly? DAD PRAYING MANTIS: Depends which religion you belong to CHILD: So not all people follow the same religion? DAD: No, son… we’re in sects

Who doesn't remember Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito in the 1988 movie Twins?!