I think the main thing that I don't enjoy about watching Stranger Things is that all the kids in it seem to understand what's happening, and I haven't got a bloody clue.

Just had a glance at the Reading Festival line-up. For the briefest of moments, I thought they had Chas & Dave headlining.

They're absolutely fucked now.

Happy Elf Is Terrible Day to all who celebrate. garybainbridge.com/2014/12/01/w...

I recently got to perform at @HWCCLiverpool in Liverpool and it was great. Here's the video!!!! youtu.be/0A_vixQGtnc?...

I recently stumbled upon this Christmas song. I'd never heard it before and it is... well... it is... so ridiculous I love it. And also hate it. I think it might be the only festive song I ever want to hear from now on. And never again. This is 'Dominick The Christmas Donkey': youtu.be/iRMjEYlK4PU

Just found out that the guy who played Uncle Frank in Home Alone - the guy in the picture - was four years older than me when he starred in it. Blimey.

They’re clearly both smiling. No kink-shaming please.

I recently ordered my daughter a cute capybara-themed pin badge on Amazon (left). However, what's just arrived is *quite* different, tonally (right).

I don't wish to brag* but last night the wonderful Grayson Perry liked one of my songs on Instagram. I think that's got to be a career highlight as a writer of silly songs. Grayson bleedin' Perry! *I obviously DO wish to brag, otherwise why would I be writing this?

He’s taking a battering.

[Every episode of Stranger Things] "There are strange things happening & we don't know why..." "What if, maybe, and it's just a theory - there's a mad place where monsters live, and some of them can fly and they're transmitting their thoughts through our friend, and the only way to stop them is..."

If AI is so intelligent, why doesn't it understand that I don't WANT it forcibly crammed into every conceivable thing?

What a fun gig tonight. Last time we played, there was a visually impaired guy with a white stick. This time he'd not only come along again (to a different venue this time), but there was also *another* visually impaired guy with a white stick, too. I think we've found our core demographic.

I love Black Friday. His vocals on 'Where Is My Mind?' are amazing.

Just watched the first episode of the new series of Stranger Things. Not got the faintest idea what's going on or who most of the people are. It's quite comforting to be plunged straight back into the same feeling that I had for every single episode of the previous four series.

People fell ill at a music festival full of tribute acts? HEY, SIRI! WRITE A PUNCHLINE FOR THIS.

Just been at a Thanksgiving meal, at which there was an English man unironically wearing a red 'MAGA' baseball hat. How's your evening going?

What we in Britain call the 'AA' is known as 'AAA' in America - which makes it confusing as hell to buy batteries there.

'Live and Let Thai'. Shut up.

Beak Here Now?

Can't help thinking that a bloke called 'Wee Willy Winky' got away lightly by being memorialised in a song about sleeping.

Uncanny.

Guys, I think we should all give Nigel Farage a bit of a break. What's he SUPPOSED to do? Admit he's racist and undermine any credibility he might have as a decent human being? Or DENY that he's racist and lose support of his entire fan base? The poor guy can't win.

Just (foolishly) took a glance at one of those "Which comedian do you think isn't funny?" clickbait traps. One person has replied "Are there ANY that are funny?". Imagine having *that* as your default stance. "Comedy? Nah. I just don't find it funny". Absolutely mad.

Sad to hear that the man who invented macaroni cheese has pasta whey.

Went to a choir recital thing last night, and one of the songs they did was called 'All of Me' (possibly 'All of You'?) by John Legend. All I can think about this morning is what an absolute nothing-casserole of a song it is. It's like a love song written by a committee of AI bots. God, it's awful.

Presumably for this you go to a cosmetic sturgeon?

I kinda miss the days when people used to answer their phone by reciting the full phone number. Might start a revival.

"Avoid looking like old codgers, with old cod jizz"

Priceless beauty.

It gives me no pleasure to do this, but I'm being told that our work-in-progress show at Leicester Comedy Festival is selling so well that we need to do another one, on the same day (08/02). You can come to either of them, if you happen to be around. I'll be there*. *Due to contractual obligations.

Got burgled last night. They took all my 80s VHS movies & my entire collection of fondant fancies. On the plus side I am now Footloose & fancy free

I'm not bad at spelling, but I have found that the last half of 'announcement' can get really hard.

The route for the local half-marathon is fucking insane.

Paul's book is really great. Get your mitts on it if you can. Full disclosure: I listened to the audiobook, but I think that still qualifies. Just about.

What a strange way to give birth.

Just seen that there's an Irish ukulele band calling themselves 'Ukeristic Congress'. Fair play. I've seen a LOT of ukulele-pun band-names (at least three for every uke festival we play) and that is surely one of the best.

Some say that Swedish people all have similar names, but there's actually only one per persson.

Well, it's not the first bill to leave a bad taste in Trump's mouth.

I'm starting to think humanity should probably just call it a day.

I just saw this on Instagram. I took a screenshot so that I could add a witty caption, but I honestly don't think it needs one. Just look at it. Drink it in.

Three More Short Songs.

I think I'd like my last words to be "Oh god. Not *again*...".

Fresh from my pre-breakfast brain.

Been working on some new stuff. Here's a sneak preview. Don't tell anyone.

People who write rude comments on videos absolutely fascinate. Some guy - it's always a guy - is putting weirdly overly-sexualised homophobic comments on our videos because he doesn't like them. And presumably he thinks *we* will be the ones that come out of it looking stupid. It's baffling.

Yesterday, an old guy stopped me to ask if I went to [my school]. I confirmed that I did, and the wizened old geezer said "Yeah, I remember you. We were in the same year". Bugger.

Having a nightmare trying to rid myself of my fear of hypnotists.

The older I get, the more I seem to be losing a grip on how people communicate. Memes that I once 'got' now all seems to say things like: 'When ya boi is like no way she a bare 10 then ya mum beats you at fifa and ya like 💀💀😭🍆"