Wilhelm screaming as I find out that actual journalists reporting on Grok quote Grok as a primary source as if it is a sentient person

When my kids ask me if everything can be recycled I use the Greek pantheon example, entirely repurposed by the Romans… then I find cans in the regular trash, but that one is on me.

Has science gone too far?

God: *creates Eve from the rib God took from Adam* Angel: He probably won't really need her now you've removed one of his rib, if you see what I mean God: WHAT?! Angel: what?

you could probably capture our president by writing "nobel peace prize" on a pie plate and putting it under one of those boxes held up with a stick tied to a string

"Could you make a British version of the Office?!"

My first job was in a video rental shop so quite a few… and I recorded a lot from telly too. Guys, internet didn't exist! (Amongst many, The Cannonball Run, quite a few times)

Funny how everything gets more expensive except for human life.

Me: My middle name is Danger, and I know Karate. My brother, Karate: I hate our parents SO much…

UK Parental Education: Urban: Stranger Danger! Look both ways before you cross the street Rural: Don't eat anything from ground level, a fox pissed on it

This is not who we are. I became an ICE agent because I truly believed in the value of getting a $50,000 signing bonus to violently assault and terrorize anyone I wanted while never getting in trouble for anything. Being held accountable conflicts strongly with my deeply-held personal beliefs

Them: What did you get for your Christmas dinner? Me: Nut roast Them: Really? Me [uncomfortably shifting on the chair]: *winces*

I agree. Leaf her alone.

I have been in a managers meeting all day. The big boss encouraged us to use ‘bluesky thinking’ so I made several knob jokes and ignored anything political.

I could totally fix your girlfriend* *I have a puncture repair kit

I have just TEN 2026 Calendars packed and ready to go. This is the last of the original 250 Use the code CAL10 to get 10% OFF at checkout www.infinitebacon.com/shop/p/nerdl...

Re Twitter. I'd not choose to drink in a pub full of fascists and nonces 'to make a stand', I'd drink somewhere else and wait for it to go bust.

Per the nature of the hill I live on (and not the one I'll die on… although, who knows?), I'm still snowed/iced in when normal life around has resumed. It happens time and time again. But somehow, it's still tricky to explain why I can't come to work 🤷‍♂️

If you’re still not clear what Trump is doing to Venezuela, and threatening to do to Greenland and others, here’s a simplified example to demonstrate how absurd and appalling these actions are.

Misfits of Science will return in Avengers: Doomsday

The best part of any X-Men film is always this scene Magneto: [sternly but affectionately] Charles. Professor X: [affectionately but sternly] Eric.

Write the book you would like to see someone pull from a higgledy piggledy pile in a secondhand shop 63 years after your death and say, "This looks fucking weird. I think I will buy it for Joan."

We always knew that the 21st century would see the rise of the dimwitted and the talentless, we just didn't know how fast they would take over.

OH LOOK WHAT'S AT THE BOTTOM THERE Chance to grab a signed hardback of the 1st Cursed book for a MERE FIVER

Love vintage ads!

[at coffee shop] - Milk? "No" - Sugar? "No" - Syrup? "No" - Sprinkle of cocoa? "No" - Cake? "No" - Stayin' in? "No" - £5.20 please. "No"

birds do it bees do it even educated fleas do it let's do it let's fly into a window

When Russia AND China take the moral high ground maybe it's a sign you may have astray too far.

ME: if the singular of geese is goose then the singular of cheese is choose MCDONALDS CASHIER: okay here’s your chooseburger

About 2 miles away from home, on foot, at 5am, looking for my teenage son who decided he didn't want to stay at his mate after all and tried to walk home in three inches of snow 2026!! *shakes fist*

Oh, so 2026 is going to be a shit show on an all more personal level? Day five?! Why thank you all so very much. 😑

I should have hit snooze on 2026

- "I love Beyoncé... - Whatever floats your boat mate. - No, you're thinking of 'buoyancy'. - ..."

My whole life, advocating war has been fed to me as “the adult position,” akin to drinking your coffee black or reading the business section of the newspaper. Let’s be very clear — war is the childish nonsense of impulsive destructive idiots playing baby-brained video games with real human lives.

I have been looking on hard and apparently 2026 hasn't been affixed with a bright side

Julie Andrews’ Daily Schedule. 1. Quick Homer Simpson impression 2. Learn about bushcraft 3. Watch silly British comedy 4. Remove weeds in garden 5. Begin making coffee flavoured bread D’oh, Ray Mears, Farce, Hoe, Latte dough.

Yes, hello? I don’t think 2026 is working properly. I’d like to cancel my free 5 day trial please.

Ever since I saw this video by Stephen Buchanan on Twitter, in our house we have referred to fajita seasoning mix as “spicy dust”.

*slide whistle* *comedy BOOIIINNGG sound*

It’s as if the FIFA Peace Prize means nothing.

I didn't have "War on day 3" on my new year bingo card…

I know it could be early but this is my 2026's dad joke.

'How much does the aurora borealis weigh?" It's pretty light.

I just imagined Trump trying to understand this speech and it made me laugh

Happy Birthday to the year! I think that’s how it works.

Dear all: A very, very happy New Year! I think it’s quite sad that people don't spend time on personal messages, they just copy and paste some random message and send it on. Not me. Thanks for everything, and have a great 2018 - you’re the best gymnastics group anyone could ask for. Sandra xxx

I hope 2026 brings… more fun, kindness, friendship and cats,

Finally, it all comes to an end.

I'm sorry your baby is crying right now. Have you tried taking it farther away from me?

Damnit! I should really start working on my 2025 resolutions.