Acceptable Thing To Do With CPR Dummy: learn how to save a life Unacceptable Thing To Do With CPR Dummy: learn how to create a life

Woooo! The GOVERNMENT is SHUT DOWN. There is NO LAW. We can do ANYTHING we want! AHAHAHA, ANARCHYYYYY! <Throws a Moltov cocktail into a Baby Gap>

Something that stood out to me: the constant DOGE cuts to the federal workforce kind of inoculated Democrats to Trump’s threats of laying off the federal workforce. “I mean, they got rid of department education,” Ruben Gallego said “whether we pass this or not, he's gonna fire whoever he wants.”

I’m here to help, take as much rope as you need.

Tonight I made a spicy combo pizza.

I love it when I wake up to discover that Drunk Me has obsessive compulsively cleaned the kitchen the night before. If you see this later, drunk me, thank you so much for all your hard work. You're the BEST!

When my values (want some) and mission (get some) are completely aligned (donuts)

Five days ago, an ICE agent shoved a woman asking questions about the detention of her husband. Today they attacked two journalists. We cannot accept or normalize what has now become routine violence at 26 Federal Plaza. It has no place in our city.

Sen. PADILLA: Trump isn’t sending troops to cities like Los Angeles to reduce crime. He’s sending troops to cities because they had the audacity to vote against him for President.

the real tell that this is fake is that schumer isn't wearing his glasses all the way down his nose

I don't like this narrative, let's ramble.

Don't tell me things. I don't actually want to know anything unless it is super gross.

coming out of my cage and i've NOT been doing just fine. because, as i just mentioned, i was in a fucking cage.

I need 2 giant fans made out of peacock plumes, as soon as possible, without anyone asking any stupid questions. I'll pay well. Time is of the essence, but again, do NOT ask me what they're for, or the deal is off. DM me ASAP if interested.

Tonight I made a pizza from scratch.

having sex with the wife is kinda like a Tarantino movie, lots of cursing, sometimes violent, good music, occasional n-word for some reason

Dodged another Rapture this week, feeling good.

History certainly repeats itself, usually whispering some variant of “put them all to the sword.”

I don't have a SHRED of sympathy for James Comey, who rigged the 2016 election FOR Trump, by fraudulently investigating & slandering Hillary Clinton during her Campaign, up to Election Day. Like a rabid dog, Trump bites EVERY hand that feeds him. Comey made his own cell, now he can sleep in it.

Talk Of Fascism Dangerous, Warns Ministry Of Compliance

This is what Ice is doing in front of the cameras, imagine what they’re doing when no one is filming

We don't have 500 followers on here, yet. But we're breaking our silence to alert all the cool kids that we'll be screening this as a special late night show on Thursday, Oct. 2. Tickets on sale soon at cstpdx.com.

Condiments are my favorite food group.

"Last time I went after them, they gave me $16 Million Dollars. This one sounds even more lucrative.” Bowing down to a bully never works. And we can’t become numb to this corruption in plain sight.

The Rapture happened this morning. I was the only human taken. I’m posting from Heaven. It’s actually really empty up here. Just me and a bunch of dogs.

If they're going to try and retcon Charlie Kirk, then we should try to retcon him too.

quick question does being raptured count as PTO or sick leave

Capricorn: We are all stardust but you also have an abnormally high lint content.

two misters

Career milestone: Our performance tonight at the Shaky Knees Festival in Atlanta will be my 2,000th live show!

If the press doesn’t agree to being a lie pipeline they’re going to shut off the lie spigot. Weird threat.

I don’t know, I guess I thought I’d be the arch nemesis to a group of teenagers given fantastic powers by a magical being at this point in my life.

Remember a few months ago when I said that a bunch of Police'll be killed because of fear raised by Police ICE not following the Law, & troops marching down American City Streets? Everyone on BOTH sides is TERRIFIED their OWN Government is COMING for them. Maybe they're right. This isn't Freedom.

Unless you're "Pro-Fascist", the current American President wants to designate you a Terrorist. Weird how fast we got to this point.

TERRORISM EXPERT HERE: He cannot designate an idea as a terrorist group. There is no org called ANTIFA. There is no leadership or funding path or no membership. Also there is no terrorism law in America. Ask Luigi. He wants to call anyone a terrorist. That’s Fascism. #ReleaseTheEpsteinFiles

the kimmel thing is bad but as long as they arent rounding people up indiscriminately based on race, building concentration camps and talking about eradicating those they deem sexual deviants, i think we’ll be ok

Try going outside and yelling "COME GET SOME"

When the government can silence one artist, it threatens freedom for all. Credit: The Roddenberry Foundation.

People in Florida are painting rainbows 🌈 in pot holes to get them fixed quicker 🤣

Charlie Kirk trafficked in conspiracy theories. In death, he became the main character in the ultimate one, spun by the White House. It’s a tactic I imagine Kirk would have approved of. www.msnbc.com/msnbc/news/c...

Always debate your opponents peacefully and civilly

Bury me in the sand so I know the sediment is real.

If you see this, quote the energy you bring to Bluesky.

Fox News host, Brian Kilmeade, calls for the extermination of homeless people. But it’s the liberals that are stoking political violence?! They’re trying to silence the truth-tellers. Don’t let them. Loudly and relentlessly call out their hypocrisy. Be mad. Be outraged. Demand accountability.

mood

Maybe we're all charging our phones against their will. Maybe they want to die.

I have an emotional support peanut butter & jelly sandwich with me tonight. There are many like it. But it is my own.

Oh no I shit my shroud.

Post it baby! (gonna start saying this a lot, like the sound of this)

Please be patient while I fly off this handle.