I'm loving my new Midnight Suns character. A little Blink meets Vermillion, with a dash of Shatterstar.

I was honored to be a part of We ❤️ Public Television and to introduce a preview of Sir David Attenborough's new series for Nature, Attenborough’s Wild London. Watch the whole special here! I'm in great company! Oh, and DONATE TO YOUR LOCAL PBS MEMBER STATION TODAY! www.pbssocal.org/shows/we-hea...

The turkey is served. Mangia! Mangia! Dig in!

Man Getting High And Eating Taco Bell Thousands Of Miles Away From Family Having Best Thanksgiving Of Life https://theonion.com/man-getting-high-and-eating-taco-bell-thousands-of-mile-1845721340/

Carpenters are only in it for them shelves.

i get by with a little help from my fat ass blunts

First Secretary of Defense you could defeat by painting a tunnel on the side of a boulder.

lol sign worked

It's time to end the arguments, they've gone on much too long. Here is the definitive ranking of Star Wars: 1. Star Wars (film, 1977) 2. Star Wars (comic book series, 1977-present) 3. Star Wars (video game, 1983) 4. Star Wars (novelisation, 1976) 5. Star Wars (proposed missile defence system, 1983)

I wish Fonzie could just hit the U.S. and it would start working properly again.

More Political Prosecutions dismissed, due to Unlawful Orders made by the President? Gosh... Didn't Karoline Leavitt *just* say the President doesn't give Unlawful Orders? How awkward.

I’ve faced bullying and loss, but stories of resilience remind me pain doesn’t define me.

I think everyone is entitled to a sad saxophone solo during a breakup

It’s too much trouble to explain myself. Just assume the worst

We interrupt this nature photography feed to feature Molly the Cat, who just discovered that colanders are very much like the Yngve Ekström circular chairs of the 1960s. #cat #catlife

hey guys i made a seasonal meme

This young man has it exactly right.

Huckle and Razz, the Berry brothers. #cats #orangecats

A gunman tried to silence my wife in an extreme act of political violence. Now, Trump has called for my execution because he didn’t like what I had to say. Gabby and I know, when others try to silence you, you must keep speaking out — and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.

well we paid for them tires

UKRAINE NEEDS OUR HELP, WORLD 🌍

Me seeing the most violently disturbing political development ever: That is so 2 hours ago

Is Piggy referring to his attempted coup on January 6th?

It’s fun to think about the surgeon who will botch your surgery 20 years from now and what he’s doing at this moment. He just ran all his homework through ChatGPT. He just read that article about vaccines and autism at the CDC website. He just watched an Instagram video about the moon landing hoax.

It is either perfect timing or terrible timing. Either way, our new Noisy Piggy slot machine has just arrived on the casino floor.

squirrel: *points gun* me: what do you want me to do? squirrel: *gestures at sign* me: alright, i get it *opens book drop* squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion* me: NOT A SQUIRREL! squirrel: *disappears into book drop* me: *whispers* forgive me, keith

Last night I made 2 pizzas. A veggie on a keto crust, & a pepperoni, olive & mushroom with normal fatso dough. Both were some of my best work. I honestly feel like I'm ready to start putting together a business plan for my own restaurant.

No lawmaker in Congress should be able to buy, own, and sell individual stocks. Period. Let's make Congressional stock trading illegal.

mr president sir theres a story coming about how you intervened to help a sex criminal. no sir, not that sex criminal you helped….no not that one either…sir, please stop guessing sex criminals that you helped. ill give you a hint sir, hes a trafficker. no sir, not that trafficker a different one

Not all heroes wear capes. 😌

First off, my suspension has ended. Got a little harsh with a post a few days ago but I didn’t have my feet on the ground and I’m sorry if I offended anyone. Will try to be more chipper. Knock on wood!

Meanwhile, on X, someone had a massive meltdown on a friend of mine and then threatened me with a "Norwich Order." So now I want an order of Norwiches.

Me? Oh, nothing... Just making myself a little sandwich.

Vampires two centuries or older should know at least five languages. Ignorant boors if they do not

What a photograph. “Nearly two dozen arrested as faith leaders protested outside a federal immigration facility near Chicago…” Arrested large amounts of peaceful clergy face first on pavement is a pretty good sign you’re not the good guys in the story. www.reuters.com/legal/govern...

Trump saying that he's going to find out & prosecute whoever's in the Epstein Files, is like Elon Musk telling people that he's going to track down & stop whoever's been doing all those Nazi Salutes. It just. Does not. Make sense.

Be patient I am but a work in progrss

I don't know why people keep using inferior baby formula. Pro Tip: If it doesn't have real baby in the ingredients list, it's garbage. Accept no substitutes.

holodeck games without in app purchases

My office partner told another colleague I’m “always reading” and it feels very nice to be seen

No, it’s cool, I’ll just never get sick again. Neither will any of my friends, or any of their friends, or anyone else. It’s fine! Good job, all.

Eight million of us took to the streets. The Election was a clean sweep and you caved?!?

if you’re gonna drive me crazy we might as well take the scenic route

Dammit. Amazon got rid of my favorite female Alexa voice skin, which was that of a demure Indian woman... Or... As I liked to call her... "British Accent Number 2".

The big problem with Democratic Senators allowing the Trump Administration to successfully use Mass Starvation as a lever to push through unpopular & immoral Legislation is: Now that it worked, it WILL happen again. From now on, every time we resist, they WILL starve us to get what they want.

M O O P S Y !