Absent-minded

Your daily fortune: Be a helper and a listener, until it's time to reveal your inner monster.

He should use the same makeup he uses to cover the numbers on his forehead on that bruise.

A monk asked Zhaozhou Congshen, "Has ChatGTP Buddha-nature or not?" Zhaozhou answered, "Are you fucking with me? No, of course not."

I'll never have this much fun 😞

we are all sluggo on this blessed day

just a bird with a banana, as God intended, sir. me, a bird, with a banana as big as my body. you ask me why I sing? and yet you see me here, a bird, with a banana as big as my body

yeah, just out of interest, how many people choose the pen on the right for real work or art? See a lot of them in professional workplaces, do you?

Frog Believes In You*

“Cant sleep… i’ll just have a quick look at my phone”

Another friend put it to me like this: "ICE has made the classic Nazi mistake. They've invaded a winter people in the winter."

do you ever feel like a plastic bag in a plastic bag full of plastic bags do you ever feel like the plastic bag full of plastic bags under the kitchen sink

I can't believe this country got so bad when we collectively have so many healing crystals

guys we need to stop calling them nazis as an insult, I think they like that

A MacArthur foundacioun grant to go to Silicon Valley businesses and explayne the concept of "cautionarye tale" so thei kan understande movyes and bookes

me, talking to the cats: “is there any way for me to convince you not to take that particular course of action”

yes

aren't most swords double edged?

Judd Apatow and Mike Bonfiglio's two-part HBO doc "Mel Brooks: The 99 Year Old Man!" will make you laugh. It's also almost guaranteed to make you cry. Or if it doesn't, I don't trust you as a human being. My review:

a lot of people don't know this but eBay used to be a sort of "online garage sale" before pivoting to focus on emailing you a new user agreement every day

‘Every time I look at one, I smile!’: how axolotls took over the world

I know there's a lot more important things going on, but I just want us all to take a moment and read this headline and let it swim around our brains like a screaming paramecium

TODAY'S COMIC: Look Up

so at this point, we're waiting for europe to unplug the u.s. and plug it back in again? may as well try it.

listen, you can’t hate america more than americans hate america.

Look, it's simple. We just want the worst person in the world to die

got a strange spam call. It sounded like Ai. They started talking about cars. I said, "I am from the 19th century, we only have horses and smallpox." they hung up.

Mark Carney's speech is now only the second most acute analysis of where the world is at right now:

the unknowable future, now featuring bonus unpredictability

If you haven’t seen this, it’s important. youtu.be/SNQtQWjX-sA?...

I think it’s bad that the Speaker of the House has been in a sensory deprivation tank since roughly 2015 and only emerges to get yelled at in the hallway outside of the tank.

COMIC: Buncha Dumbs

POETRY TEACHER: nothing rhymes with orange ME: no it doesn't

Look, we aren't advocating for this for legal reasons, but we know for a fact that in the 60s the researchers secretly smuggled in some cats. This is Ness ⬇️

dude......

the timeline this morning

Its happening!

you're all doing great posts but he won't understand any of them

Maybe not

my (indian-american) friend just had an incredible theological conversation with her rheumatologist

Once again, thank you random Canadians and Brits for coming on the We Actively Oppose Donald Trump app to tell the Americans on here that our country is doing bad things.

Coo coo

Whoever named flashbangs probably had a really long day