How beautiful it is to observe familiar landscapes. I love them, I cherish them.🫠🌳🌿

How beautiful the sea is when it is calm, it gives peace and tranquility. Costa Brava. Girona. Catalonia.💙

just sitting round here counting crows with mr jones feeling like it’s probably gonna be a long december

The beauty of a cormorant and its reflections. How beautiful.🫠🍂🍁

Me: I just want to sleep! Brain: AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT EVERY LIFE CHOICE YOU'VE EVER MADE! Bladder: Oh & don't forget about me.

For someone to care, please press one.

“I just want there to be a car that drives itself so I can get places without thinking about it” hello, please meet: train. also see: bus

putting tums on my pizza to save time

Got my winter Croc's bitches.

Desire is a river in…. Wait.

Everything I'm doing fits in less and less. Take living in a hole hoarding all positive space for example

turkey pardoned by trump rearrested for drunk driving and gun possession

My plus one for this year’s Thanksgiving dinner is vodka.

If you haven’t already, take your turkey out of the freezer and serve immediately for a nice, cold turkey pop.

Our surroundings have always listened in on us, their capitalism is the environment of a perfect moment. "Your surroundings have their hands up, you are too paranoid for the presence of psychic shopping"

It wasn’t a social media post, it was a glimmer of hope.

Anyone want to try my Thanksgiving leftovers smoothie tomorrow?

I may not be fluent, but I can be silent in many languages.

Is it weird that none of my neighbors are strange squirrel on my shoulder: I don’t think so

Youre telling me a devil fucked this egg?

My jokes are past their tell-by date.

Vaping has killed the cousin walk industry

Thanks, giving up.

a woman posted a pic in a group chat of a baby turkey she bought thinking it was a chicken. She captioned the pic "IS THIS A TURKEY?!?" Anyway, I haven't been here because I've been yelling IS THIS A TURKEY at everything. You should try it

My alt account would just be all the lyrics that’s been living in my head since the 80’s.

“The pleasure is all mine.” Okay, selfish fuck.

trying to figure out how i can cook thanksgiving dinner from my bathtub

in canada we call today yankee thanky

Carpenters are only in it for them shelves.

queen of the castle

cats only want what's best for you (subservience)

DON'T TRY TO FORCE THE POSTS OR YOU'LL INFECT THE WHOLE AREA.

Orders a Xanax martini for breakfast.

the names bond. gold bond.

Send me a verification code, won’t you? I promise I won’t share it with anyone—it will be our little secret.

Pestering someone to literal death is called annoyhilation.

No, that doesn't make any sense if I think about it for too long. That's why I only thought about it briefly.

it’s so windy out this morning it blew the sunrise back fourteen minutes

you’re not balding your hair has merely grown a part. folks,,

If I'm being honest I stopped circling back like 5 years ago

only saying "what?" from now on and that's rhetorical

Arlo is here to get cozy and win hearts

Grief eventually leads to joy, which you'll know when you've cried so hard your nose makes a noise just like a clown's nose being honked

my head is like a pinball game but there's a monkey with cymbals having a dance party while jumping on the bed and he fell off and broke his head, over and over. what I'm trying to say is I sure play a mean pinball

anyone else need a necklace with a button to push for being in an "i've fallen and can't get up" mental space?

Popes: John (23) Paul (6) John Paul (2) George (0) Ringo (0) George Ringo (0)

you don’t have to fuck people over to survive

Nothing like looking at different screens after a hard day of looking at screens

So this happened in Oslo yesterday. Four articulated buses got stuck in a roundabout.