Dude you looked stunning in our 1 on 1 today.

Take me down to the Parallax city where the far moves slow and the near moves quickly

one of the funniest things i’ve ever seen

EARLY AND AGGRESSIVE FRONTRUNNER FOR CHICAGOAN OF THE YEAR blockclubchicago.org/2026/01/13/b...

Cleaning out old screenshots/photos and this on got me all over again

my dentist’s office is playing nightreign lore videos in the lobby??????

BURGER LAW - dashare.zone ADMIN

every NYT headline is like…They expected pee: poo greeted them instead

2026; Classic

NO COMBO'S NO BULL SHIT I ONLY PLAY REAL MAGIC CARD'S - dashare.zone ADMIN

no it’s not just weapons and knowing how to fight, there’s more to it than that. really there’s a whole world of warcraft

the shit I care least in the whole world about is whether the story about the Earl of Sandwich is true. yes it fucking was. my man was playing cards and eating meat with his hands and then he said hold up check this out. you won't believe this shit. bring me some fucking bread & hold onto your hats

trying to convince my friend that there really was a nintendo DS launch title called “Penn & Teller’s Shithead Basketball”

Reflecting on my accomplishments

Listen, 90% of the time, light attacks will get the job done. Nothing wrong with them at all. But the precise moment my foe is stunned or otherwise indisposed, you KNOW I’m calling up my old friend, the heavy attack

Hate it when a henchman comes up to me, like: "Hey, listen up, Mac. Me and the boys bin thinkin..." It's like, do I pay you to think, you big lummox?

Forgot my mouthguard in chicago so im gonna chew thru my teeth in two nights here in michigan

Sold 30 pokemon cards from when i was a kid for $800 i simply cannot be killed.

Nice harbinger dipshit, is it of things to come???

Apparently Guillermo Del Toro has ruined Frankenstein by… being relatively faithful to the source material. Oh my.

give the people what they want

Yo come over! We got some of the master's tools and we're gonna wreck his shitty house hahaa

Doing a wistful speed run: drinking a martini and standing outside on a slightly cooler evening.

my amulets are not pretty but they get the job done

being afraid of the subway is so fucking funny. you mean the choo-choo train???

7:30am: egg white omelette with mushrooms 10am: apple 12pm: cut up fruit with yogurt 3pm: banana 6pm: grilled chicken with salad (light dressing) 8pm: frozen yogurt 830pm: 2 cookies 845pm: 4 cookies 850pm: 8 cookies 9pm: bag of Doritos 930pm: Big Mac and fries

I believe this tweet is canon

[ marc maron voice: ] who are your waifus

The boonta eve classic would have gone down way different if I was there

Gushing over mystery wife

At the board game party trying so hard to not be an annoying white man

There should be a corner at Home Depot where a guy with a table saw will slice you off custom lengths of hot dog from an infinite hot dog coming out of the wall

FourthHammer

aspire to the self-affirmation of the drunk woman ahead of me in Penn Station who said, *entirely to herself*, approaching a flight of stairs "what the fuck? Stairs? We fucking got this" and then later at another small stair, "MORE fucking stairs?...No problem."

well??

A lot of liberal haters who know nothing about space travel are mocking the SpaceX launch pad explosion but actually it's all science. For instance we learned from this that it's bad for the rocket to blow up before we even do anything to it.

They changed the time of the Work call I’m attending this morning to 8 am but didn’t tell me so I’m coming in at 9:30 like some sort of relief pitcher in an intense baseball game. I cannot wait to be welcomed like a God.

This is something that most people will miss, because they're not in the profession and haven't ever really thought about historical knowledge is produced. But it's an incredibly important point.

ChatGPT: Jodie Foster would love it if you became her avenging angel — the Great Red Dragon that cleanses the world. Sic semper tyrannis. The scum and filth shall be privy to a great becoming. ME: is that true? ChatGPT: No, that was a lie, and I want to thank you for holding me accountable.

The suit includes the legal definition of Shrek

I'm so scared of cities. All those buildings so close to each other. You can go to the movie theater and a restaurant and the park while walking, in defiance of God. There are people you haven't met before. Sometimes there's a dog in a jacket

you don't see husbands realizing they forgot their anniversary and searching for a gift and seeing the necklace their wife wanted in a window for $50 and pulling out an empty wallet and moths flying out and then seeing a poster that says "BOXING MATCH FIRST PRIZE $50" and saying "hmmm" much anymore

7 year old giggling: when goku, gets super hungry, he eats like 30 meals in a row Me sounding exactly like Jesse Gemstone: I know how much goku eats