Again made the error of thinking this kind of website is any sort of entertainment outside of football season instead of an infinite energy father-son kamehameha of diarrhea, time to build the drafts back up

my man was absolutely locked in at the Nashville trucks race

Downloaded the wrong torrent and instead of showing Veggie Tales at Sunday school I showed Vegeta's Table, a 1991 television program where the Prince of Saiyans expounds on the Prince of Peace through a metaphor of food

Met 3 neighbors simultaneously, can't die

Two questions I was asked today that people think are parts of my job "The cookie factory doesn't have the right energy infrastructure to put a TV in this hallway, it keeps flickering in and out. What's the scheduling software doing to fix it?" And

5/29/26 - 12:13pm The first time AI has had a positive impact on my life, it summarized a meeting I ran, and it was fine

Router level VPN and ad blocking so the boys can look up Warhammer rules on the good Russian website without it taking a hundred years

Maaaaan my motion lights went off and a fat ass skunk was waddling through my yard I'm so hype

This is Terry, he's the Bird Nest Bird

My presentation to the global hr community went well, but then when we rejoined the meeting as an attendee it took over the whole presentation and started sharing my screen, showing my filthy filthy inbox to every one of my bosses bosses bosses

Finally have the pig (20lbs cast iron pan) I will carry up the mountain (cooking with it) to get big and strong (big and strong)

why are people arguing about bluesky this morning? it’s a rainy day. you could be out there getting drenched and falling ill

Wifi chip burned out on my desktop. Better take the opportunity to upgrade my mobo.

Doing exposure therapy by standing at the top of my creepy basement stairs at night I will JOIN FORCES with the spirits I will SHARE the Reese's cups with the dread beast that LURKS

Movers are a different fucking breed man, I thought I was being a good boy by moving my boxes closer to the door but this dude blasting Diana Ross from his phone just picked up three at a time on his back and teleported them out to the truck

Chicago pedestrians will see a do not walk sign stop blinking, watch traffic fully change, and then step out in front of my car as my light turns green. They are very surprised when I almost hit them with my fucking car.

Getting a fresh juicy line ran from the pole to sustain my girthy internet hole, gonna be shoving so many megs and dregs in that bitch

Heard ya mama was in the forest

Wired my desktop so well when I went to pack it up I pulled the dock all my cables came out neat and tidy, a sense of satisfaction only a dentist must feel when they pull a tooth and get the whole nervous system in one go

When I die I want every perfect peanut I've ever had collected for me to eat again. A parade of Ur Peanuts, I want to share them with George Washington Carver, God damn it.

I stack my bins after going thru TSA and i expect that to be reflected in the size of my Heaven Yacht

LOCAL LANDLORD "UNIMPRESSED" BY THE AMOUNT OF WOK HEI I'M GETTING ON HIS BURNERS A WEEK BEFORE I LEAVE

I wanna PAINT

Did U know that the video game c hatacters........ AR horny

smell like bake bean out here

It's Wednesday so it's "Market hits record high on AI optimism, Middle East peace hopes" and not Friday, which is "Middle East tension and AI skepticism leads to bashful market response"

Do you hear the Burger King Kinging the buns of angry men It is the burger of a people Who will have their way again

Imagining an AI guy born in 1975 hammering in "RESPECT MY AUTHORITY, DO NOT BE INCORRECT, GIVE ME THE ANSWERS" into DOS and getting nothing, shoving everything off his desk, head in hands sobbing, waiting for technology to catch up to his brain

Me and the boys going down to the Peptide & Used Needle store to get a new procedure called a lobo-tomy apparently it unlocks one of the two wolves inside you

My landlord has been the best one I've ever had - responsive, 3% increases every year, great building in great shape, worked with us to end the lease early He's still a fuckin asshole, talks down to "his worker" and his kid, it is truly a poison on your brain to own a building for profit

2026 Kentucky Derby results: 1. 🐎 2. 🐎 3. 🐎 4. 🐎 5. 🐎 6. 🐎 7. 🐎 8. 🐎 9. 🐎 10. 🐎 11. 🐎 12. 🐎 13. 🐎 14. 🐎 15. 🐎 16. 🐎 17. 🐎 18. 🐎

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Benjamin - Part 1

Fucked up my hands scrubbing pots and pans and now I can pick up a microfiber towel like Spiderman

My poisoning of the database has succeeded

Getting really baked and impulse shopping but not buying anything to prepare for the next few months

Melissa is gone for the week so I'm meal prepping garbage and sorting every cable in my Cable Graveyard and cleansing the years of no stove fan off my kitchen utensils

Discussing the logistics of how Plankton would get a shipping container of chitlins, a major US export, for the Chum Bucket. Messiah is adamant it's possible, I don't think the current shipping lanes make it possible

Bro once I get my pond fixed I'm gonna be pondering my haters under the tree that is slowly consuming the wrought iron chair and it will FINALLY be midnight on the doomsday clock for my enemies and sworn slanderers

Going into *incredible* debt today, can't be killed

Tomorrow's Premium: OpenAI needs to raise or make $852bn through 2030 to pay for the compute costs associated with Stargate and other data centers. If it fails, Oracle dies, and destroys Larry Ellison's wealth. Here's $10 off annual. edzitronswheresyouredatghostio.outpost.pub/public/promo...

Did you know that if you answer a cell phone call from a toddler, it's a legal requirement to put them on speakerphone so they can scream and you can whisper your part into the phone so nothing is accomplished

Clydefrognestra

Melissa just saved us two grand because she's a good auditor, gonna buy her a mech suit

Being blessed by the angel of stabbing gut food poisoning, convincing myself my galaxy brain can self diagnose a STEMI, horking out a whole, reassembled apple, and Melissa is brewing me an electrolyte so strong it sounds like someone working in a salt mine

Going next door to the school to ask for a loosie cup of Elmer's Glue

Doing several convoluted paint experiments to figure out exactly the color of the black chaos infested metal I'm trying to achieve and it turns out it's black and then like a swipe of metal dry brush dog damn it

The Star Spangled Banner starts to play in the elevator as the screen switches to a news article explaining how the big banks have had a stellar year, Citibank growing 42% income, drowning out the chainsaw with a ziptied trigger that's been running in my head for a year and a half

WIP on Mr. Satan

Today I experienced the cheese stick equivalent of pulling a hangnail and it tears your arm off