I stack my bins after going thru TSA and i expect that to be reflected in the size of my Heaven Yacht

LOCAL LANDLORD "UNIMPRESSED" BY THE AMOUNT OF WOK HEI I'M GETTING ON HIS BURNERS A WEEK BEFORE I LEAVE

I wanna PAINT

Did U know that the video game c hatacters........ AR horny

smell like bake bean out here

It's Wednesday so it's "Market hits record high on AI optimism, Middle East peace hopes" and not Friday, which is "Middle East tension and AI skepticism leads to bashful market response"

Do you hear the Burger King Kinging the buns of angry men It is the burger of a people Who will have their way again

Imagining an AI guy born in 1975 hammering in "RESPECT MY AUTHORITY, DO NOT BE INCORRECT, GIVE ME THE ANSWERS" into DOS and getting nothing, shoving everything off his desk, head in hands sobbing, waiting for technology to catch up to his brain

Me and the boys going down to the Peptide & Used Needle store to get a new procedure called a lobo-tomy apparently it unlocks one of the two wolves inside you

My landlord has been the best one I've ever had - responsive, 3% increases every year, great building in great shape, worked with us to end the lease early He's still a fuckin asshole, talks down to "his worker" and his kid, it is truly a poison on your brain to own a building for profit

2026 Kentucky Derby results: 1. 🐎 2. 🐎 3. 🐎 4. 🐎 5. 🐎 6. 🐎 7. 🐎 8. 🐎 9. 🐎 10. 🐎 11. 🐎 12. 🐎 13. 🐎 14. 🐎 15. 🐎 16. 🐎 17. 🐎 18. 🐎

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Benjamin - Part 1

Fucked up my hands scrubbing pots and pans and now I can pick up a microfiber towel like Spiderman

My poisoning of the database has succeeded

Getting really baked and impulse shopping but not buying anything to prepare for the next few months

Melissa is gone for the week so I'm meal prepping garbage and sorting every cable in my Cable Graveyard and cleansing the years of no stove fan off my kitchen utensils

Discussing the logistics of how Plankton would get a shipping container of chitlins, a major US export, for the Chum Bucket. Messiah is adamant it's possible, I don't think the current shipping lanes make it possible

Bro once I get my pond fixed I'm gonna be pondering my haters under the tree that is slowly consuming the wrought iron chair and it will FINALLY be midnight on the doomsday clock for my enemies and sworn slanderers

Going into *incredible* debt today, can't be killed

Tomorrow's Premium: OpenAI needs to raise or make $852bn through 2030 to pay for the compute costs associated with Stargate and other data centers. If it fails, Oracle dies, and destroys Larry Ellison's wealth. Here's $10 off annual. edzitronswheresyouredatghostio.outpost.pub/public/promo...

Did you know that if you answer a cell phone call from a toddler, it's a legal requirement to put them on speakerphone so they can scream and you can whisper your part into the phone so nothing is accomplished

Clydefrognestra

Melissa just saved us two grand because she's a good auditor, gonna buy her a mech suit

Being blessed by the angel of stabbing gut food poisoning, convincing myself my galaxy brain can self diagnose a STEMI, horking out a whole, reassembled apple, and Melissa is brewing me an electrolyte so strong it sounds like someone working in a salt mine

Going next door to the school to ask for a loosie cup of Elmer's Glue

Doing several convoluted paint experiments to figure out exactly the color of the black chaos infested metal I'm trying to achieve and it turns out it's black and then like a swipe of metal dry brush dog damn it

The Star Spangled Banner starts to play in the elevator as the screen switches to a news article explaining how the big banks have had a stellar year, Citibank growing 42% income, drowning out the chainsaw with a ziptied trigger that's been running in my head for a year and a half

WIP on Mr. Satan

Today I experienced the cheese stick equivalent of pulling a hangnail and it tears your arm off

My hero rat is putting in that motha fuckin WORK

Extremely cool that my mortgage paperwork can only be accessed on a mobile browser. Love making the biggest Desktop Purchase possible on my tiny screen.

Melissa is catching fruit flies in the field of the prologue of Crimson Desert and I'm begging her to aim higher

doing a “husband’s run” (early morning grocery run for a missing breakfast item, because i get to wander the store and get whatever else i want) but committing the “husband’s folly” (forgetting the one item i was asked to get, eggs)

Dipping RFK in a vat of pasteurizing milk like the Joker to fix him

Fucked around and gave myself a 5 day weekend gonna see if I can peek through the veil

Turns out Melissa has just been straight thugging it out on her current Palworld playthrough. No guns. She SWIMS to the boss battles. She beats them to death with a laser sword and her bare hands while she makes her team watch.

Approximately 200 hours into Total War and I'm figuring out what some of these buttons do

This is Pulitzer shit right here.

Invented a new kind of Reese's last night

This is dark

operator: 911, please state the nature of your emergency me: there’s a site i go to a lot that isn’t the best way to follow breaking news operator: is it a news site me: not really operator: why don’t you go to a news site me: i don’t know operator: jesus. ok. how many ambulances do you want me: 75

H8 when I open my calm app at full volume and everyone at work knows I'm bout to chill the fuck out

Readin bout epoxy floors

today I needed to buy one item from ebay and print one picture from paint and both of those tasks were immeasurably harder than anything i have done in the past six months

Pharmacy messed up and now I have enough Wellbutrin to make 2016 me happy

Getting my ass beat in a BGA shirt so my sons will know that getting your ass beat in BGA gear is a right of passage for shitty BGA kids, and sometimes it comes later in life like chicken pox

And now my greatest challenge of all, staying sane and employable for 30 more years

I ordered a house on the internet gonna see if they like my internet house order

Today I had to pose a question to 6 different scheduling software people working on my scheduling software project "What day does midnight fall on, today or tomorrow" They then talked about it for 20 minutes