LOCAL LANDLORD "UNIMPRESSED" BY THE AMOUNT OF WOK HEI I'M GETTING ON HIS BURNERS A WEEK BEFORE I LEAVE

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Benjamin - Part 1

boy moms? you mean dads?

This is my job

*We Don’t Talk About Bruno Voice* 🎵We Need to Talk About Kevin🎵

Let Carly Rae Jepsen write a World Cup song

Hey @josephmschultz.bsky.social they’re making a movie for your deck

Ya to have fun

Magic friends, I need a copy of every Battle card for a very stupid deck. Please let me know if you have any to part with

Pegasus is an all time bad TO

Someone smartwr than me should do an essay about magic art looking right and ideals of progress #mtg

A FEW SMALL BEERS

The Literary World's Prestigious Taco Bell Quarterly has surpassed 24,000 followers in the sky. I can't even use the Paris Review over here as my villain because I'm crushing them. We are about to surpass Lit Hub. Taco Bell is your Literary Hub now.

Buckwild that my car will put itself in park in the middle of an intersection if I want to drive with trunk open, or will slam on the brakes if a car dares move within a country mile of me while I’m in reverse, but can’t figure out updating its own clock for daylight saving time

Been watching Yu-Gi-Oh and that guy sure does just like kill people

New baseline for MTG content creator

One time I said “you can make anything in a crock pot” and was challenged to make pizza. I did, it was Detroit style and it was awesome. Today I pick up the peel once more to reclaim my fucked up pizza crown

Making obscene gestures at the Waymo scouting vehicles to ensure they recognize me as their natural predator

They should make gift cards for therapy

Happy 30th birthday to Pokémon. Without it, the greatest Werner Herzog quote of all time would not exist.

Oh cool, Torchickorita

Poem in the Shape of the Poet Beating Henry Kissinger to Death with Their Bare Hands by Felix

Knuckle tattoos: NPCBKBTH NEVER PUNISHED CAN'T BE KILLED BOTTOM TEXT HERE

Retiring my current drag name “Bella LuGoatse” in favor of my new creation “Stevia Nicks”

People who tap resource cards 45 degrees I will fight you

Happy national malort day I’m sorry to all my friends I’ll be seeing later

Just had malort on tap I will never die

Happiest of Birthdays to the Kangaroo Jack of my life, the Tomcat himself, guy with the Reddest Rocket I've ever seen, a Superman and someone I will always trust to Stand By Me, Mr. Jerry O'Connell

I have begun playing Caves of Qud, is this gonna drive me back to banging my head until the walks in Dwarf Fortress

Y’all the traitors is ass game design what are we doing

Summer Olympics: I’m gonna run really fast. Winter Olympics: I’m gonna strap myself to a razor blade and see if I can launch myself so high off this ice cliff that I can punch god in the dick.

Can’t believe Universal wouldn’t buy my high school football ghost story feature script “Time of Possession”

No son, they are not "magically delicious." The workers made them delicious. This is a slogan meant to mystify the social conditions of labor

I’m slamming a gin and tonic and there’s a 6 year old at the bar

Considering that I might be the person who has seen Megalopolis the most times in the world

Citizen Science Report: Before I left for work I put my Brita under my dripping faucet and I'll be damned if it wasn't full when I got home +2 Exp +1 Object Permanence +1 Water

Trying to radicalize my mother in Solvang

Bro please let us enjoy lorwyn

EARLY AND AGGRESSIVE FRONTRUNNER FOR CHICAGOAN OF THE YEAR blockclubchicago.org/2026/01/13/b...

Big Momma’s Housu

Martin Lawrence of Arabia

Fuck how have I never done Merry Gristmas and put a Santa hat on the bug lady

Ahem. Marty Supreme

BURGER LAW - dashare.zone ADMIN

Lmao senators voicemail boxes shouldn’t be able to be full. Get a better system, I got shit to say to Adam Schiff

Just watched In A Lonely Place and it rocks but it’s so funny that in it a screenwriter is able to handily beat up a UCLA football star.

It’s been nice coming back to Of Montreal for the first time since early high school and having a developed enough brain and cultural exposure to go “you’re damn straight I like Bowie”

2026; Classic

Every scene in Megalopoli could be from a Nolan Batman movie