But doctor, I AM Doctor Pagliacci and I can’t operate on this clown, because he is my son!

Let’s GOOOO

Nothing says “the holidays have arrived” like walking in on your Sister in Law (who works at MIT) screaming at her mom (who loves Tucker Carlson) screaming “THATS NOT HOW VACCINES WORK” ☃️🎁🎄

Lily CLOCKED Raph... 😂

Miss opportunity that they didn’t call it Godfather II: Father Knows Best

Now that the govts opening back up they can get down to the business of releasing the Epstein files 😊

Shout out to that chives guy on Reddit. We’re all rooting for you buddy.

The long awaited day has arrived!!! My physical copy of @gameinformer.com is heeeereeee!

More like Fuck Schumer amiright

Spotted in the LA Philharmonic program: R. Alex Murray & the @twentysidedtavern.bsky.social crew!

Sondheim is the podcast of musical theatre

JAMIE!!! You owe me some champers and a trip to the optometrist

How could you Jamie???

Good things are possible and we don’t have to settle.

be pug-ressive 🇺🇸 be, be pug-ressive 🇺🇸

If you’ve never seen your own butthole that NEEDS to change

After you’re done voting you can treat yourself to some deliciously hot gossip!!!

Happy voting today!

Good luck to all the NYC Marathoners this year! Running that much sounds like a hellish punishment to me but I am happy that you have something you like.

Congrats to the Dodgers and fireworks manufacturers.

Didn’t realize how much old treats I had lying around until tonight. Hope you kids like individually wrapped guava hard candies and Swiss tootsie roll analogs.

Feels like a jab considering i just got back to my desk after a mid-workday therapy session.

Furthermore, ABUGHAZALEH proceeded beyond the edge of a cliff, whereupon she stood in midair above a sheer dropoff, causing AGENT A, believing he could follow her into the void, to likewise step off the cliff, at which time he briefly also stood without support before plummeting to the bottom.

My slack just opened in light mode in a new browser and I almost Died

My dad sent me this

Between the NBA scandal and the Louvre heist, we’re having a VERY cinematic Fall.

So many water glasses by my bed that they’re starting to unionize

You can inject Nobody Wants This STRAIGHT into my veins

No daylight savings this year. If we all band together and decide no then we can just keep living the way we want. WHO’S WITH ME??!!!

Oh you play CEDH? The most serious games MY playgroup has is when we declare “no takesies backsies”

Sexy Unguent Pronunciation

Me 125 turns ago deciding I’m gonna try for a cultural victory in Civ VII

Let’s normalize giving another jogger a hi-five as you pass. Bc I just tried it and I think I almost gave some poor guy a heart attack.

Ummm watching Ezra Klein show on YouTube instead of just listening to the pod and… Ezra is kinda jacked??? Strong sensitive nerd? Stop it?? (Don’t stop)

Jokes on you wotc, I have many decks with bomb combo staples that never win bc they’re too memey

After Doing My Own Research I’ve Concluded That It’s Not Butter!

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The president building a literal ballroom while average people spend half their paycheck on rent is pretty fucked

Does gen alpha know about the Macarena? I feel like they would love

Goddamn I’m bad at eyeshadow. “I want to look like a sultry femme.” Heard. coming right up, one raccoon who died of sleep deprivation.

No Kings might not “do anything” but it boosts morale and puts a bunch of likeminded people in the same place to meet each other and talk about other more useful things they’re doing. A clear net positive!

I truly love that language is so different now, my grandparents would have no idea what the fuck I’m saying. “I google failed but grok told me it was on Hulu.” And my grandfather just packs more tobacco in his pipe and thinks about how you can’t hit kids anymore.

Sleep when the baby sleeps. Poop when the baby poops. Scream when the baby screams. Throw up on yourself when the baby throws up on itself.

Water?? I hardly know ‘er!

D’Angelo got so many people laid, his legacy must have an actual sizable impact on the population of earth. Rest in peace you sexy king.

Not to sound fucking BaSiC but my love language is being excited to go to Home Goods with you

I live laugh love living in LA bc anyone I talk to tomorrow is gonna get a big, hearty, “the plants seem happy, we really needed this rain.”