I’m not lost. I’m just exploring every possible wrong direction with style.

No no..I’ll be okay I have my disappointment cheese

Meh....I've seen better raptures

there are places we all return to where fond memories that are deeply embedded always breathe love and a rising lightness of our hearts brings us peace Seeds planted and tenderly cared for.. And the tender season of autumn teaching us the grace in letting go Most of these places are called friends..

Pepto gives you bubonic plague.

Rapture? More like NAPTURE amirite hahah-(gets hit by rock)

“I find comfort in your presence”, is probably the best compliment we can receive as human beings.

It’s already Tuesday here. Nothing happened. You may carry on with your regularly scheduled nonsense.

Rapture dat ass

You're wearing THAT to the rapture

Nature getting ready to show us how beautiful it can be to let dead things go

Me flirting: you should see my snack cupboard baby

Shitpost like no one’s watching.

Cardio is hardio

I bet Little Debbie was The Pillsbury Dough Boy's "Nutty Buddy" at one time or another.

How come we didn’t get taught how to fold a fitted sheet in school

The list of items I cannot buy at the food store because I have no self control is growing

Earth, Wind & Fire: Do you remember, the 21st night of September? Me: I can't remember 5 min ago.

This email could have been a shared look in a meeting.

✅️ Fire ✅️ Speaker ✅️ Whiskey

“trust the process” ok but this process sucks

Go ahead, share that ridiculous post. No one reads these things on the weekend.

Did you even go to rhe club if you didn't go to Waffle House at 2 am?

If a genie asks you to choose between true love and free daily pizza, what kind of cheese are you getting on it?

My eye doctor said I was as blind as a bat so my transformation to vampire is imminent

Yes, Virginia, there are reply guys here, too.

According to this years Farmer's almanac, your Mom's still gonna be a ho

My body needs more sleep so I give it more coffee

What have I missed...doesn't care.

Do you want your skeets to be good or do you want your skeets to have a lot of likes? You can’t have both

My hip hop name would be Lay-Z

the Allman Brothers Band should have made a song about almonds

I It It I It IS It IS g It IS ge It IS gen It IS geno It IS genoc It IS genoci It IS genocid It IS genocide.

You have a guard dog, we have a guard spider

Many of you had no idea. And honestly, it shows.

Your crush is out there, pushing on a pull door. Sooo cute ☺️

Door dashing a cup of tap water, for the woman on the go.

Remember this: If you're having a shitty day And nothing at all is going your way... You can always go face down into a rotisserie chicken.

Soup, salad, and endless orgasms

I don’t know, I think Wednesdays might be the worst day of the week. Well, along with Mondays. And Tuesdays. Thursdays are there, too. Fridays are right behind along with Sundays. Saturdays are cool, though.

Pumpkin spice restraining order

My abs are stronger than my willpower to have them show.

I'm typey not talky

You’re never too old to set goals. For example, today I’m not going to pee in my pants

In my defence, your honour, they served me cauliflower rice.

45 years in and I'm still not used to getting up in the morning

If I ever go missing, check under my mother's expectations.

Cottage cheese doesn't belong in the beer fridge.