Oh jesus. Teresa Palmer just asked a vampire what she would taste like. You'll have to excuse me...

Once again, Trump shows that the only way to spell fucking CUNT is T-R-U-M-P

"There are only two emotions that keep the world turning. One is desire, and the other is fear." ~ Matthew ~

FYI: Teresa Palmer and Guy Pearce are set to lead the supernatural thriller POOR BOY, based on Matt Cameron's play of the same name.

Netflix most clever marketing strategy is announcing that something is leaving. I mean, I didn't even remember that "Blindspot" existed. Now, I'm one full season in and racing to beat the deadline.

Me flirting

Woke up at 11:30, looked at the weather forecast and planned the afternoon accordingly. Ninety minutes later? Forecast changed - dramatically.

You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you."

"When Harry Met Sally" is starting on HBO right now, if you're not doing anything this evening

#MyCommonSenseSays stay sleepy

I prefer to seize the night, carpe PM as I say

There's never been a better time to detach from reality and go completely insane.

why are you all looking at me

SCOTUS blocked SNAP

With a nose like that is it any wonder it's known as the pelican flower?

Wanna feel old? Gilmore Girls' friend Lane Kim qualifies for AARP.

@schumer.senate.gov You need to resign, Chuck. NOW

Shareholders have agreed to give Elmo $1 TRILLION, but wonder why the share price hasn't gone up. Could it be that they've agreed to give Elmo all of the value? Hmmm

I hope you’re all prepared to hear that all I want for Xmas song today

What are the Vegas odds on Mister Mountbatten punching his own ticket?

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who get splinters in their skin, and those who get slivers.

Imagine hating me and I’m over here covered in glue and rhinestones

i wouldn’t say my third eye is blind but my prescription is pretty strong

Another judge tells Trump what he has to do, Trump tells another judge to go fuck himself, and nobody does a thing.

Meanwhile, today the morons approved a $1 TRILLION dollar pay package for Elmo...

Clever marketing people decided on the name "giardinera" because they can charge three times as much as they could when it was just labeled "pickled vegetables."

Little known fact: No-Nut November actually originated with a couple of guys in New Jersey who tried to extend the season for their outdoor pool.

I'm bringing sexy back but only enough to imply a false scarcity that will artificially inflate its price.

I brought sexy back and I want a full refund.

I think you could probably go weirder with it tbh..

It's nice to think about how much more comfortable and natural photo models must feel these days, now that they no longer have to try to hide their cooter.

Ahh, but does your little town still have a place called "The Miracle Mile?"

Them: Can you help me? Me: I don’t work here. Them: Oh, sorry. *leaves* My boss: You need to stop doing that.

I forgot the phrase, “I respectfully disagree,” so I said, “You’re wrong, dumbass.”

As a former life model, I can say it certainly would have been refreshing to show up for a job and find all of the artists were nude as well, in order for everyone to feel equal for once.

Someone please explain why there's a Black Friday sale on Beige Thursday?

When is a nut not a nut? When it's a skeet

No-Nut November doesn't count if it's involuntary

Feeling just a little bit older today, as i realized as much as I like her i just can't be arsed to go into the city to see Florence and the Machine at a big arena concert.

Just when you thought you were rid of me a rogue strand of my hair somehow made its way into your butt crack

Today is "Laika The Space Dog" day, in honor of the poor Moscow street mutt who was dragooned and launched into space on November 3, 1957.

Did we do it? Did we save daylight?

Canadians are probably apologizing to the visitors for keeping them up so late

@twosense.bsky.social Welp, you won.🙂

A movie you've seen more than 7 times with a gif

Any guy who names his kid "Mookie" is telling the world right out of the box that he's going to chase that kid all the way into MLB

I'm so old i can remember when people were agitating for a LAW that insisted any images that were "manipulated" by Photoshop should be labeled, so people wouldn't have to wonder if they were being lied to. Photoshop. How quaint!

Whaddya mean, you don't have your tree up yet!?🌲