Eldest boy has taken to sending me messages and emails sporadically that look normal but when opened are just Halal Truck Mr. Beast

2026 has a very 2006 "everybody fucking hates republicans but national media/pundits will be reeaaaaaaaaaaallllllly slow to properly understand that because of their priors about the two parties" feel to it

"My favourite Pokemons? I don't like none to be honest. I just like watching 'em fight each other. You know, they say the Pokemons like it, like fighting each other and getting shoved into those pokeballs, but I don't think they do. And that's fine by me." -Wayne Gretzky, Pokemon Intermission Report

THÅT MF IS NØT RÆL

mayor wesley dingus

"Professor White Boy " has perished. They found him self harmed at the bottom of an elevator shaft. Thanks for the fucking smiles, Professor

here you go

Mikaela Shiffrin wins the slalom gold medal by 1.50 seconds If you add up the winning margins of the winners at the 1998, 2002, 2006, 2010, 2014, 2018, and 2022 women's slalom, you get 1.51 seconds

Me whenever a new Olympics sport appears on TV, even if the screen says it's "LIVE"

Me when we are dominating at curling

ON DAY 9 OF THE OLYMPICS, CANADA FINALLY WINS ITS FIRST GOLD

"They're now into decrepit Habsburg territory." The @shutdownfullcast.bsky.social expertly nailing the Dallas Cowboys.

That’s what’s up.

Epstein Class is a capacious term. Botox? Epstein Class. Crypto? Epstein Class. Obsession with Gender? Epstein Class.

Dogshit.

CORRECTION: The book is titled "I Need a New Butt!," not "I Have a New Butt!" We apologize for the error.

I’m CRYINGGGGG!! Kevin Durant really got a lotion deal with CeraVe 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 #NBA #Cerave #Ad

I’m ok. I’m a survivor so this small agitator isn’t going to intimidate me from doing my work. I don’t let bullies win. Grateful to my incredible constituents who rallied behind me. Minnesota strong.

…..should I take a pic w him in Indy

“HEY YOU LIKE MILK?” “uh, yeah?” “GREAT. HAVE YOU SEEN JUSTIN CHUCK THE BALL. BEAUTIFUL.” “so cool, I have some play desig…” “LETS GET SOME MILKS”

We made it

she is built different (incorrect)

it's actually very urgent! thanks!

jack daniels can be classified as either bourbon or whiskey, since bourbon and whiskey are simply different names for identical products

There’s no way to really properly put it in context besides repetition: This is the greatest turnaround I’ve ever seen or that you’ve ever seen

palms are sweaty knees weak ah fuck its cignetti

if you are having an acutely difficult time with what is happening in the news, there are some fairly decent coping strategies on this list if 5% of the list works for you, you'll have a decent library of tools to pull from be well, be strong we will win

We cannot be more clear. Leave us the fuck alone.

I refuse to stay silent while Secretary Noem breaks the rule of law and terrorizes our communities. I am introducing Articles of Impeachment against her for violating the public trust, obstructing Congress, and self-dealing. Read my full statement: robinkelly.house.gov/media-center...

Happy anniversary to the last time a Republican actually took a stand

This is the kind of thing that the Founders explicitly designed our constitution to prevent; a president who has seized wealth for his own benefit without any intervention from Congress, which in our system is supposed to be the holder of the power of the purse.

remember to leave bullet casings out for ashli babbitt tonight ❤️❤️✝️

me: life has been so hard lately my therapist, Glegbar The Blood Thief: how much blood do you think is inside your body

It’s not about drugs. If it was, Trump wouldn’t have pardoned one of the largest narco traffickers in the world last month. It’s about oil and regime change. And they need a trial now to pretend that it isn’t. Especially to distract from his sinking under Epstein and skyrocketing healthcare costs.

"A woman dressed as a pink Power Ranger hacked a dating site for far-right extremists. She deleted the entire site, but first she made users fall in love with AI bots she ran, thus obtaining information about them. Over 8,000 far-right profiles have now been mapped."

have generally been sympathetic to people still on twitter but here’s the real thing if you didnt have a twitter account already, you would NEVER sign up for it in its current state. that’s why i got off. and that was before it was generating child porn

Preparing to say my Hail Tubbys

butt eyes neutral ize buck eyes

why does he look like HEB Benoit Blanc here

"George? George! It's Marvin! Your cousin, Marvin R.R. Martin! You know that new dragon for The Winds of Winter you're looking for? Well look at this!"

I’ve seen this so many times in the NYC literary world as well, where someone will write essays or talk about their leftist beliefs but then you realize it’s just an aesthetic after seeing who they hang out with, date, and so on. They think of politics and morality as inconsequential feelings.

Oh man how could I forget this one

This looks like Sinbad died and got reincarnated as a chair.

One of the best to ever do it

i feel you, rob schneider. lebron james can take off a night of basketball and he’ll still get playing time in the next game, but if i question jeanie buss, that’s it, i’m off the lakers roster

Here is Roger Ebert's review of Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo from 22 years ago. It was one of those movies which somehow insulted Rog in the way that would get him foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog. www.rogerebert.com/reviews/deuc...

A ProPublica investigation has revealed that the LiMu Emu and Doug have a shocking history of excessive force complaints

This might sound harsh, and judgmental, but if video is your preferred way of getting information about a topic, you’re a fucking moron