There's a scene in MALIBU'S MOST WANTED where the poser is taken to South Central by people hired to scare him straight, but they are interrupted by a sweet neighbor girl coming over to say her dog had puppies and they should come see them, the joke being "South Central is just a normal community."

"You know, they say all SecDef are created equal, but you look at me and you look at Secretary Austin or Esper and see that's not true, cuz I'm a genetic freak. See if you get in a land war in Asia, you got a 50/50 chance of winnin', but with my warfighters, you got a 33½ chance at bess!"

look the President is testing the waters on full autocratic rule, the country's shutting down on Thursday and the entire economy depends on no one realising AI has no use case, but if I can offer some advice:

If I'm O'Donnell my immediate followup would be "can you name one time in the last five years when the Republicans have done the right thing?"

Eric Adams has resigned to pursue his true passion: bribery.

I don't have Disney+ but has any MCU movie since 2021 commented on the fact that there's just, like, a giant guy half sticking out of the Indian Ocean for the last four years?

Haldeman's Madman Theory superseded by our current reality's Idiotman Theory

bring something else back. something wrong.

coming up on halftime and the Bears are driving; it's 3rd & 3(m𝓍+B) #cfb

the political policy cure for “male loneliness” is - more time to hang with the fellas (4 day work week) - more money to spend with the fellas (higher wages) - more things to do with the fellas (taxing the rich and building 3rd spaces)

these are not the flight logs I asked for

akshually, it's Fuckenstein's *Monster*

Whatever the reason Hegseth is calling all these generals to Virginia for, you gotta assume that it probably could have been an email.

it is both true that the typical swing voter would lick the elephant’s foot at chernobyl if a girl with big tits told them to on instagram and that you should demand better of that person in their voting habits

Really interesting tidbits in this latest NYT focus group

I am amenable to extending grace and forgiveness to MAGAts. BUT As someone who has both been an abuser and abused, you don't get welcomed back into polite society just by saying 'sorry.' There's contrition, there's redemptive acts, and then you *may* be allowed back. You aren't entitled to it.

what the LAME STREAM MEDIA will leave out about this photo is that immediately before it was taken he had accepted a cigar from Bugs Bunny and started smoking it

the duality of man

If they're going to try and retcon Charlie Kirk, then we should try to retcon him too.

When I saw GWAR in 1998, they opened their show by beheading JonBenet Ramsey. She was a *victim*, Elon is a *perpetrator*. If anything, this shows GWAR is growing and learning. I extend grace to them in these tumultuous times.

story time: back when Walt Disney was alive, he did an experiment, hiring dozens of undercover PIs to come to WDL and removing all the trash cans. He had them count how many steps people took before throwing trash on the ground then brought back trash cans at exactly 1 less step away.

go fash, lose cash

Limp Bizkit, ever the innovators, have released a new song that sucks, but it sucks in a totally new way!

"...not with the army you want, but with the army you've got," etc.

The writers this season aren’t even trying anymore

Timeline Cleanse: "All You Fascists Bound to Lose"

Just opened a Chrome window on mom's computer and almost fell backwards overwhelmed by how many ads there were with no AdBlock/UBlock installed. i will let the demons drag me down to hell if at the gates of heaven st peter tells me i have to watch a 30 second ad before entering.

"Hmm, sorry about my insanely racist fanfic AI image" "Glad you're learning, apology accep-" "Malcolm X was a Muslim and would never have gone to Heaven."

"In my role as a world renowned expert in the area of taking hot loads to the throat, I must say ... "

BLADE: THE SERIES was phenomenal, mostly off of a brilliant audible away from focusing on Blade at all and onto Krista and turning the whole thing into a stealth Vampire: The Masquerade court-intrigue series. Immensely cool, nailed the vibe and kicked ass. Gone after 12 eps :(

The mood is this: things are very bad, they are bad because of specific bad people. Those people - despite being demonstrably bad - have been rewarded with everything they've ever wanted, by being bad. They've done an infinite amount of Fucking Around. And now, one has Found Out.

The worst thing I can say about THE CASE OF THE WHITECHAPEL VAMPIRE is that it feels like the FMV of a Harvester-level mid-90s video game. #Filmsky #Sherlocksky letterboxd.com/shrecknet/fi...

Delivered a pizza to Britney Griner at the hotel she was staying at, then 45 minutes later, delivered *another* pizza (and wings) to Britney again. Did not mention that I recognized her in any way either time. (she was a good tipper)

On a scale of 1 to "Standing across from Jackie Chan in a ladder factory while he's holding a baby and already said he doesn't want any trouble" how bad is your idea?

Here's a fun* thought experiment: if RFK Jr. was in fact trying to spread disease to as many people as possible, what would he be doing differently? * ⁿᵒᵗ ᶠᵘⁿ

If "Movie Reviewer who doesn't hate women" was a job, I think I'd be pretty good at it. #GIJoe

“following rumors of his death donald trump held a press conference announcing extrajudicial killings of civilians and plans for a military invasion of an american city” is a perfectly factual headline that could be used to describe what we saw yesterday

they finally did it. they printed a "spiders georg" card #MTG #SpiderMan

We built a calculator that doesn't work, but don't worry, it's also a plagiarism machine that will tell you to kill yourself. It runs on the world's oceans and costs 10 trillion dollars.

This is glorious

recent anthropological research suggests that the rizzler is a nearly universal mythological figure, dating back to antiquity

A man dies twice: once when his body is put in the ground, and a second time when his name leaves the lips of someone for the last time. Live your life in a way that makes the second death never come. Like my grandfather, Dave the Sheepfucker.

And here I was, enjoying my day thinking "the sounds of children screaming have been removed" was the worst this country had to offer.

I just want to enjoy my job as much as Nathaniel Essex clearly enjoys his

If I wanted to sound credible it would be "Murder was the Case" by Snoop (specifically the VMAs performance with the wheelchair) but if I'm being honest it's "T.U.R.T.L.E. Power" by Partners in Kryme