Happy Michael B Jordan week to all who observe and whatnot!

The Trump administration's goal is obvious: Turn independent news outlets into state propaganda machines.

Shout out to the top 5 pans in the world, frying, Peter, marzi, Ja and wings.

Holy shit. Those wockaflockas canceled ALL of 'em?

Earlier I implied that I escorted yo' momma through the Strait of Hormuz. I apologize for the misinformation. Yo' momma's too fat for such a narrow passageway and whatnot.

The price of gas is so high the Bloods and the Crips are rollin' together.

I have been outbid for The Home Shopping Network and will have to sell my patented Gravy Guns elsewhere. I appreciate privacy during this difficult time and whatnot.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Fruit vendors ain't done shit to you.

Stop shruggin'! Stop sleepin'. Stop scrollin' through unlikely animal friendship videos and stand your ass ALL THE WAY UP!

Of course Boebert snapped a photo. That's the closest she's ever been to someone actually qualified to be the fuckin' President and whatnot.

200+ years of comedy last night. I had to do what I had to do. If you’re gonna hang with the big dawgs you gotta get off the porch baby.

Three guesses which Justices voted for this. You have any idea how many mail in ballots even ONE employee might handle? These wockaflockas...

My cartel boss name would be "El Crunchwrap". Please share yours below and whatnot.

Sick and tired of folks making fun of my people's names. Anyway, gotta go find a birthday gift for my niece, Ozempicia.

Need a break from the doom scroll? Y'all are still just a couple of clicks away from the joy, laughter, and unconditional love of "Clean Slate" and whatnot.

I don’t know who needs to hear Jesse Jackson leading the kids on Sesame Street in this beautiful call-and-response reminding them that every child is somebody, but here it is

Shout out to throngs. Don't just run around with a group and whatnot. Make sure that shit is a throng.

RALEIGH. Last chance tonight (Sunday) at 6pm. VIP booths available too and whatnot. Lets laugh if off and so forth! improv.com/raleigh/comi...

RALEIGH!!!! Let's laugh it off this weekend. I love y'all and there's absolutely nothin' you can do about it and whatnot.

and, okay, last thing in this thread. it was pure magic working with the legend @mrgeorgewallace.bsky.social (he’ll be back in episodes 4 through 8!) www.judgetravis.com

RALEIGH!!!! Let's laugh it off this weekend. I love y'all and there's absolutely nothin' you can do about it and whatnot.

Yo' momma's so stupid she went from "Release the Epstein files!" to "You tell 'em, Pam!" in 24 hours and whatnot.

Yo' momma's so stupid she pre-recorded her snowflake halftime show, with days to fix it, and that shit was still out of sync.

Crazy that the Walking Circus Peanut let this wockaflocka sing to him in a foreign language in the middle of the Oval Office. It's almost like Bad Bunny is treated differently for some reason. Can't imagine what that reason might be and whatnot.

RALEIGH!!!! Will y'all be my Valentine this weekend and whatnot? Four showtimes to accommodate your busy ass schedule and so forth. improv.com/raleigh/

When you read Kid Rock's lyrics your ass is gonna WISH that shit was in a foreign language.

Thought I saw Kid Rock, but it was just a pimple on Bad Bunny's nuts and whatnot.

I will be watching the normal halftime show 'cause I'm not a goofy ass snowflake and whatnot.

Please sign my petition to start an Autumn Olympics where all events empty into a pile of delightful leaves and whatnot.

We'll remember who led this shit. We'll remember who cheered for this shit. We'll remember who expressed concern but went along with this shit. And we'll remember who twiddled their thumbs during this shit.

The Pentagon is going after the Boy Scouts. Our tax dollars are going toward that shit. Let that sink in and whatnot.

The more this wockaflocka realizes he'll be remembered as garbage, the more he runs around frantically tryin' to put his name on shit.

I'm sure the Trump fam' will send all y'all suckas a thank you note.

Life comes atcha pretty fast and whatnot.

You never hear about PRE nasal drip. Shout out to all the folks with nasals already drippin' from before and whatnot.

I can't believe we're gonna get to buy our Halloween costumes at the damn Kennedy Center.

RALEIGH, NC!!! Will you be my Valentine on February 13th, 14th and 15th and whatnot? Four showtimes to choose from. Let's pack that sucker with love and laughter.

This ain't Yemen, Free Don Lemon.

Y'all do realize ICE "backing down" means they're just gonna stick to terrorizin' minorities, right?

RALEIGH, NC!!! Will you be my Valentine on February 13th, 14th and 15th and whatnot? Four showtimes to choose from. Let's pack that sucker with love and laughter.

The fox ain't just in the hen house. The fox gold-plated the hen house and put Putin on the wall and whatnot.

Just know, if you don't realize he's out of his wockaflockin' mind by now, your ass has joined him in Cray Cray Town and whatnot.

Don't worry, y'all. If Tulsi is up to no good in Atlanta, Tulsi will get to the bottom of it and take Tulsi down. Look out, Tulsi. You are coming for you!

Don't worry, y'all. If Kash Patel and the FBI are up to no good in Atlanta, Kash Patel and the FBI will get to the bottom of it and take Kash Patel and the FBI down. Look out, Kash Patel and the FBI. You are coming for you!

Thank God we have his leadership in times of turmoil and whatnot. #25thAmendment #Whatnot

Yo' momma's so stupid she's lettin' folks tell her what her own eyes are seein'.

"The American dream belongs to all of us." - Kamala Harris "Sometimes you need a dictator." - Walking Circus Peanut

My ass is old enough to remember when a President sending masked armies into American cities while saying "sometimes you need a dictator" would've been the end of it and whatnot.