The White House ain't sending its best Czars to the border and whatnot.

Please RSVP to the launch of my lifestyle brand, Wyde Lode. We will be givin' away Wyde Lode gravy boats and Wyde Lode gel insoles. God bless.

Put @jimmykimmel.com back on the air, wackaflockas. Y'all are a disgrace to every single freedom fry you ate in 2003.

"Hello, 9-1-1? I'd like to report a listening to women problem."

If this shit is okay with you then you've been walked to a sad as fuck place. Come back.

This is the playbook, folks. If you're not paying attention now and doing something about it, then you're going to have to sit down the rest of your life because democracy is being taken away. Do not be quiet in this moment.

Quick, burn all your Antifa membership cards. I'm havin' Pete climb the tree and take the clubhouse down. And don't do the secret handshake in public and whatnot!

Put @jimmykimmel.com back on the air, wackaflockas. Y'all are a disgrace to every single freedom fry you ate in 2003.

It's sad 'cause my niece named her daughter Antifa in 2002, and now folks think it's a political thing and whatnot.

Take 30 minutes of self care tomorrow. Eat something good as hell and find out what the survey said on #CelebrityFamilyFeud (Thursday 9/18, 8/7c on ABC), when Sheryl Underwood, Kym Whitley, DC Youngfly, Jeanne Sparrow and I take on Lil Rel in a battle for charity and whatnot. #CelebrityFamilyFeud

It's bullshit that Elton John only sang about a tiny dancer. Just once he coulda dropped a jam about a fat-as-hell dancer.

Back the fuck offa Tommy Hizzle!

I rode the back of the bus when it was dictated by law. This ain't my first rodeo with hate. I'm not gonna sit on my ass while it all happens again and whatnot.

Hope your freedom to say "re*ard" was worth it, dumbasses.

Welcome to Missouri, where Black players are idolized, but Black districts are vaporized. @jasmineforus.bsky.social @staceyabrams.com @aoc.bsky.social @fairfightaction.bsky.social @faircount.bsky.social @roywoodjr.bsky.social

I'll straight up shop at a convention center and convene at a shopping center. I really don't give a shit anymore.

My Facebook feed is like, "Sure, the American experiment is over, but have a little fun with it."

Why are these standing ovations only at European film festivals and whatnot? Just once I wanna see the crowd at an AMC in Cleveland give a 9 minute standing ovation after Smurfs 5 or some shit.

In summary, "Tootie" shoulda farted more, so the name made sense. Anyway, thank y'all for coming to my TED Talk.

Can you imagine Lincoln wearing a hat like this? What are we even doin' y'all?

I instilled a fierce anti-bullying streak in my children. It has profoundly baffled them to watch the President force every sector of America to be more cruel to the marginalized. If you wanted this, fuck yourself.

Y'all hungry for gumbo made with hope, love and laughter? Please check out @lavernecox.bsky.social and yours truly in "Clean Slate" on @primevideo.bsky.social. Just named Prime's top show of the year so far by @usmagazine.com.web.brid.gy and whatnot. www.usmagazine.com/entertainmen...

Please sign my petition to call it dayfall and nightbreak. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER AND WHATNOT!

Whoever stole the polka dot Labubu I hang from my rear view mirror, y'all got until midnight to return that shit without consequence. After that it's your ass.

It's crazy how many "gang members" have been providing our food and building our homes and whatnot.

Shout out to knees, the elbows of the leg world.

The United States Air Force is set to deny retirement benefits to transgender folks who have served and earned them. If you think this is right then you can kiss my black ass French style.

Remember, if you see an axe murderer, run up and feed his ass a few slices of kiwi. Problem solved and whatnot.

It's some bullshit that they named it "The Golden Bachelor" instead of "Statin Island" and whatnot.

Real talk. There's a list of about 147 things they're doing now that if you don't see anything wrong with them, YOUR👏ASS👏IS👏IN👏A👏CULT👏

Shout out to corn, surviving the entire digestive process then waving up at us from the toilet like "I'm still here, wockaflocka!"

Please support the Kickstarter to shoot me into space so I can punch this shit in the face I know the risks I have lived a good life SEND MY ASS TO SPACE TO PUNCH THIS SHIT IN THE DAMN FACE!

I remember when Bubba couldn't even parallel park and whatnot. So proud of my son.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Trans folks ain't done shit to you

We grew up so poor we could only read The Gatsby

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Trans folks ain't done shit to you

Hurt at work? Hurt near work? Hurt while not at work but thinking about work? Call the law offices of Wallace and Reynolds.

Can't stop won't stop whatnot www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-news/w...

Just for Laughs was beyond wonderful and whatnot. youtu.be/yLiSj0WW0Io?...