Bittersweet to have "Clean Slate" honored on a day America drifts even further toward outright institutional hatred of trans people. www.rogerebert.com/streaming/th...

Thank you @ebertvoices.bsky.social For showing love to our baby, "Clean Slate". www.rogerebert.com/streaming/th...

Remember, the only thing that'll bring your job back is erasing Black people from museums.

Remember, the only thing that'll bring grocery prices down is being a total asshole to trans folks you don't know.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, White nationalism is incompatible with the gospel and whatnot

Everything about this wockaflocka is small. He makes everyone around his ass small. Ask yourself if he's made you smaller too. It ain't too late to stand.

Farewell, RR. Nothing but love for ya

Shout out to the millions of tourists who woulda come here and stayed at hotels and shopped in stores and eaten at restaurants and seen shows and taken pictures with fake Miss Piggy and whatnot.

I’m so proud of the talented Leo High School Choir and all they are doing to represent the South Side of Chicago!

Crazy that the UK has both free health care and Paddington fucking Bear, yet still found a way to be as shitty as possible to trans people.

I like to walk up to folks who think they're invincible and straight up vince the shit out of 'em.

Holy shit, thank you FIFA for naming me Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series. I am honored, and I can't wait to KICK it with y'all at the after party and whatnot.

This is gonna date my ass, but I remember when 8 folks getting shot was front page news and whatnot.

So honored that "Clean Slate" has been named FIFA's Best Series of the Year!!! If y'all wanna laugh your way through a joy bomb, full of love and heart, check it out on Prime and whatnot.

I have been given the shiny and very real War Stopper Award by USA Pickleball because I have stopped so many dozens of wars and whatnot. I am honored that my war stopping has been noticed by the foremost pickleball organization in the world.

This is some bullshit. My bid for Warner Bros was completely ignored after some asshole leaked my plans to call it Whatnot Bros.

Why is the soybean oil always PARTIALLY hydrogenated. Finish hydrogenating that shit, you lazy wockaflockas!

AT&T just cut DEI in order to get deals done, just like TMobile, Verizon and others. FCC now stands for Fuck Citizens of Color.

Seems like a good time for people who look like me to get louder about the people who don't. FUCK. WHITE. NATIONALISM.

These assholes held a Got Ham awards without me even though I got more ham than ALL those wockaflockas. SMDH.

Shout out to clappin' on and clappin' off with The Clapper and whatnot

These batshit wockaflockas are really ready to make middle schoolers fair game rather than holding the Walking Circus Peanut accountable and whatnot.

ORLANDO. Let's fill the house with love and laughter this weekend. It'll be like church but with 74% more momma jokes and whatnot.

ORLANDO. Let's fill the house with love and laughter this weekend. It'll be like church but with 74% more momma jokes and whatnot.

Sending love to all you magnificent wockaflockas who served.

ORLANDO!!! Get your asses out of your haunted mansions and come to my shows this weekend. Tickets at OrlandoFunnyBone dot com and so forth.

ORLANDO!!! Get your asses out of your haunted mansions and come to my shows this weekend. Tickets at OrlandoFunnyBone dot com and so forth.

How come you only hear about last ditch efforts? Shout out to everyone givin' effort on the first few ditches and whatnot.

Spoiler alert. You ain't an alpha you a little bitch ass bitch and whatnot.

Worth a thousand words and whatnot. And just a reminder from Uncle George. It's never too late to admit your ass got played.

ORLANDO! I'm comin' down there to try to capture Florida Man once and for all and whatnot. Thought I'd do some shows while I'm there. November 14th and 15th. Let's laugh it off!

ORLANDO!!! November 14th and 15th. This is y'all's chance to run up to the stage and Kissimmee.

Real talk. If your ass is still on board with the walkin' circus peanut you lost your damn mind.

Vote yes on Fitty!

Imagine these wockaflockas blowing up random boats off the coast of Ireland. You can't, can you?

Handin' out pocket-sized Constitutions to trick or treaters this year. Go get a Snickers bar next door, Waldo. Uncle George is hooking you up with the Separation of Powers and whatnot.

ORLANDO!!! Just taking a break to invite y'all to @FunnyBoneORL next month. November 14th and 15th. Tickets at orlando.funnybone.com/shows/

What the hell is the wayside, and why does so much shit fall by it and whatnot?

Shout out to E.T. for taping a few everyday devices together and using that shit to call a Space Uber and get his ass back home and whatnot.

DETROIT!!!! See your asses at my show this Saturday and whatnot! share.google/iquiUkfhLLzW...

36 out of every 100 Americans shrugged and went to crossfit or some shit. Great job, wockaflockas.

DETROIT!!!! See your asses at my show this Saturday and whatnot! share.google/iquiUkfhLLzW...

Shit. Accidentally went to the Chicken a la King March. Food was good though.

Shout out to the top 5 kings in the world, Martin Luther, Larry, Don, Stephen and Americans don't have a motherfuckin'.

They're scrubbin' the hell outta the Epstein files. Gonna put Bill Clinton's name everywhere like MadLibs. Every flight, five Bill Clintons were sittin' there while Bill Clinton flew the plane. Bill Clinton leavin' the island as Bill Clinton lands. Bill Clinton wavin' to himself

If y'all are shocked by the racism of the Young Republicans, I got some bad news for your ass about the older ones.

We grew up so poor we could only watch Marley OR Me.