SCENE Hannah and i are sitting on the couch. A commercial for the movie “Hoppers” comes on where the plot is apparently putting your mind into a beaver’s mind HANNAH: I don’t understand. Why would you want to put yourself into a beaver? ME: well…

“He joins. Purpose unclear.” Relatable king

Oh my god she uploaded a slow motion video and it's amazing. He's just like me fr running as best he can and still going backwards over and over!

horrific news: i have somehow developed a new straight man habit in which when I get drunk i feel the need to spit and I’m now drunk but in a location in which i cannot spit

Curt Cignetti is the human embodiment of all the coaches we’ve all made on cfb25 and cfb26 and I love him so much for it

Drunk! At the Boy Aquarium

Me during this mens hockey game: wow this will never be as good as Run At The Cup, ao3 caitivi au womens hockey fic by TheHomelyBadger

At the boy aquarium

I would follow Curt Cignetti into hell

wait hold on

sheeeeesh what a football game

Please donate to this vetted GFM to support Renee's wife and child. Not only will they have to worry about funeral expenses, but as the most powerful people in the country lie about her murder, her family will also probably face some legal costs. gofund.me/4ec072e6a

imagine watching this and not thinking that this is the whole goddamn reason to even *have* America

all tetris has done is make me really mad because i’m bad at tetris

think i’m gonna stay off the internet the rest of the night. this one’s really getting to me.

Minnesota Public Radio says today marks the first and only shooting and homicide in Minneapolis in the year 2026

i took a walk. it was nice.

ICE has only existed since 2003. A Bush-era creation, it is a militarized federal secret police that has been imbued with the Supreme Court with the unconstitutional power to ignore the fourth amendment. Abolishing it and salting the earth where it grew is the moderate stance.

oh wow yeah that was… that was straight up a murder

I’m too busy for this rn but all I’ll say is if we don’t win I’m sending rogaine to the stadium

I bought a balance board bc it was 8 dollars at Aldi and it is beating the shit out of me

Bia 🥲

Oba Femi main roster call up

I understand him

ow my body

Spotify smart shuffle is in its bag today and now I am once again listening to The Postal Service

God lifting weights again feels so good and yet also so awful and terrible

30 years ago they were like we have to ban song lyrics for the children but it’s full steam ahead for the here’s how to do drugs until you die machine

I moved my sunrise alarm clock to the other side of the room so that i have to get out of bed to turn it off in the morning Pros: it works Cons: it works

neither pro-Stancil nor anti-Stancil, but a secret pro-third thing (going outside)

Birth name: McLean Dowler Reason for nickname: saw a Taco Bell and decided his name was also Taco 406mtsports.com/high-school/...

the things that occurred calorically in december can never be repeated

why do people keep emailing me for stuff and asking me to perform the job that i am employed to do ugh

I miss not being at work

So now the Ravens missed a FG because of holy water??

Counterpoint: not his fault. As the SNF post game broadcast showed us, an hour before the game, a catholic priest blessed the endzone he missed on with holy water and the Lord made him pay for past Ravens kicker sins.

Shout out to all y'all who already gave up on your resolutions. You'll rock that shit next time and whatnot.

The Houston Texans defensive line will commit literal homicide against Aaron Rodgers

holy shit hahahahahahaha

These men certainly be in situations

I have been eliminated from playoff contention. I apologize to my fans and I will come back better than ever. I appreciate privacy during this difficult time and so forth, what have you.

brother

The Texans defense might end Aaron Rodgers’ life

Already a ridiculous game

Daniel Carlson just moved us from pick 11 to pick 9 in the 2026 nfl draft

Bears what happened

Wow she’s so helpful

Last chiefs game of the season + possibly Travis’s last game + last day before I go back to work since 12/24 = the most scaries a Sunday could ever get