Let's go through my meal prep for the week [my balls are completely exposed]

I think my kid assumption came from the way therapy was treated on TV in that era; a wicked nonsense thing that no one would ever admit to because it was so illogical that anyone would ever believe in "the advice of a shrink" I was deadass picturing a witchdoctor with potions casting rat spells

Which to be fair probably isn't too far from what show writers wanted to imply characters were really doing in back alleys to relieve stress

When I was a kid, I didn't know that "I've got to see a shrink" was 90s slang for going to therapy and thought it was something occult I just assumed all these characters on TV whenever they got stressed were going to some kind of paranormal entity to solve their problems with magic in an alleyway

a hug from your therapist is called a shrinkwrap

This, combined with "vice signaling" (taking pride in antisocial behavior) has given us the reign of the Stupid Asshole, something most people are against, but can only be remedied if we're not too polite to talk about it

orse accident

Me dropping in on Twitter to throw my post through the bars and run away

🧠🗡️🍺 🫁🔫🚬 🫀💣🍔

worlds worst genetic trauma "NOT AGAIIIIIIIIN"

what if birds freak out at a solar eclipse bc theyre the only ones that survived the meteor that killed the other dinosaurs and they got ptsd

bart simpson supports the people's princess, luigi mangione. 💖

How I'm walking out of 2025

Who called it buttfucking and not poundcake?

wine friend butt you know what that means 😏

living on the edge is sexting with 5% phone battery

new relationships: oh dear oh man oh dear I hope I don't say something awkward and ruin this relatioships, year 19: go back to bed dipshit

how much does it cost to have godzilla stomp on you does anyone know

Butt friend chop Hm

🦾🐍🦾 🦿🦿

I’m not gonna say my biggest accomplishment of 2025 yet because I still have 3 more days.

Late Xmas gifts

i ate a whole entire pizza and died

guards! They've invented donuts again

[post apocalypse] *radio crackles awake* ?: is anybody there? please help! i... i... oh god its... its horrible somebody help me! them: should we? me: its the right thing to do *i pick up the transmitter* me: youre supposed to say "over" over and out *i turn off the radio*

ethically sourced* *found on a body I innocently came upon in a forest

If you’re looking for a job now, you’ve got a better chance of winning the lotto.

TIP: If im crying try shoving a burrito in my mouth.

Why does this superglue gotta leak like that. I barely touched it

Again,

Corpse Synod Presidency manifesting! www.oglaf.com/synod/

TURN ON THE ORB! THEY HIT THE FUCKING SPIRES!

If I stop posting, the servers go dark.

*door closing in my face* whatre you doing tomorrow

fantasy nugget

my doctor said its bad to hold my pee but its my secret to soft hands

🥚 🤌 🫱 🍳 🥚 🫰 🕊️✨ 🖐️

You know, I often wonder the odd question, "What would Furries fetishize about humans if the roles were reversed?"

he’s a 10 but he leaves a light trail of goo behind everywhere he goes

logging in

don’t call it a “NYE party” if my boy bill ain’t gonna be involved

Is this wisdom or a threat

One of the morals of the last couple decades is that sci-fi/fantasy writers need to trademark every single word they make up. Because if you don't, some creepy tech bro is going to name his nanobots that give people permanent diarrhea unless they pay him a monthly fee after your elf queen.

Just watched the new Knives Out and I think it's really important you know that the scene in the Seminary's Gym is filmed in the same place Rick Astley filmed the music video for Never Gonna Give You Up. I saw the window tracery and immediately made my friends pause the film so I could tell them.

these dumb fucks aren't going anywhere. we literally just watched a bunch of them move their entire operations to Texas before quietly moving back bc they didn't realize they would actually have to live in Texas