Keep it in your pants, lady

still drunk on gravy and peanut butter cheesecake

Ollie is in direct opposition to the rise and grind mentality

Oh fuck she's back again!

I've been drinking recycled data center water for months now and I feel fantastic

paintwork timeline cleanse

The CM in CM punk stands for Celina Midelfart

My L4 L5 disc watching me swipe right on another chubby goth girl

If you invite me over to listen to records this is what I'm expecting

He's practicing for his glamour shots

There's three guys like this in every body shop in Indiana

the burning bush told me I could have a little weed with my coffee as a treat

the sandwich guy walking away from the court house and suddenly, his limp disappears

Using a time machine to go back and give Hitler penis enlargement surgery

Who dug up chris matthews from the slobbermouth graveyard

You: Ugh, this migraine is killing me. I’m going to take excedrin Alien: (50,000 light years away) Our psychic broadcast telling them blueprints for an infinite free energy machine has failed. They used the inhibitor

Michael Wolff looks like Fred Armisen doing Uncle Fester disguised as a journalist

reminded me of a matt groening "life is hell" comic strip about very stupid kid at school trying to come across as a brainiac via slinging insults like 'you are in fact a grade A piece of what is to be known as prime baloney'

first date idea

Any politician who votes to give more of our tax money to the grifters who have already gotten too much deserves to be primaried into the sun

Miss World Sweden solemnly putting her baton back in its case

Theodore "T-Bag" Bagwell just announced his endorsement of Andrew Cuomo

the young boy is disgusted with the slovenly bear. a foul smelling billboard of greed and gluttony

What exactly does an anti Greta activist do? Set oil rigs on fire and cut down trees?

when u have one too many tall deli waters and barf and Mom has to come pick u up from the function

butt vs butt who will win

he put his entire paycheck on the game

refusing the package they shipped 4 days after I canceled the order

Ok let's see here, I have an economy dependent on consumer spending, and where everyone is leveraged to the gills. Should I make everything more expensive for no apparent reason and see how it goes?

the nighttime otter sends you blessings and good fortune

A government whose primary function is creating digital content for incels

my L5 S1 disc pressing on my sciatic nerve

I don't think that's the kind of help they need

I found the leader of antifa

sleepytime bear looking ass

heading out to pick up a couple meatball subs

ive snatched the home run ball from a little boy in the stands and the boy is crying. thats just something i like to do. i stole a hat and jersey too, right out of the players hand. i took his dads car keys and fed them to a seagull. i made his mom eat everything in her purse and flipped her off

[slips mortician $20] Great job he looks really dead

I got way too high and bought one of those things that makes your neck cum

he's making an announcement tonight

"This website is free" No. This website comes at a terrible cost

accidentally text my boss "edging a poo poo while doing a pee pee"

you can just walk into white castle and buy a suitcase filled with little hamburgers

Cam what

I have a name

a grocery store only for high people

this would fix me

🎶 Now I've had the time of my life No I never felt like this before 🎶