My life savings depends on Sean Penn eventually showing up and putting out a cigarette on Grogu

Gas, confusion, or both

Asking "is there a doctor in the house" at a Kentucky trump rally is comedy in it's purest form

I think i know where Ben Shapiro got his new eyebrows

Oi Donny

My dad enabled the feature on his phone where it talks nonstop, and pressing buttons does absolutely nothing. 10/10 love the new punishment app.

Is this good

there's a new trend among young people called "microliving" they close their eyes for a few seconds and experience a rich and fulfilling life from start to finish in their minds. birth. friendship. love. heartbreak. joy. loss. grief. death. but how does this affect their productivity at work

This can't be the right game

I'm getting word that leftist and right wing voters are [checks notes] ...jacking off to hockey

heading out to pick up a couple meatball subs

she just got frame mogged by a shih tzu

There's something wrong with my doctor

Whale watching is bullshit. And I'm not saying that just because a whale breach made me spill hot chili all over my balls

Requiem for a Dream (2000)

Do the gambling sites have odds of him dying on the toilet

Getting mad at an ex girlfriend because I imagined her buying me a leather jacket with a Sloppy Joe name tag sewn on it

My girl warming up some hot pockets

Pam Bondi, covered in her own shit, is arguing that she has not in fact shit her pants.

They are saying Kid Rock handed his Grammy to lil’ Kyle Rittenhouse during the halftime show. (Not true. Kid Rock has never won a Grammy).

“he put tropical trees on the field”

ARE YOU GAMBLING YET YOU PIECE OF SHIT

People laughed at me when I built my Superbowl kimchi trough

Thinking about Bernie Sanders in JNCO jeans to regulate my nervous system

This is how Waymo works

She would cut my throat with a rusty soup can for one half of a treat

Read that wrong the first time

"When one fed attempted to blow off the crowd by visibly watching basketball highlights on his phone, a protester shouted “You’re watching ads, you broke bitch! Kill yourself!” The federal agent returned to his room shortly thereafter." crimethinc.com/2026/01/27/t...

The Doomsday Clock is too grim. We should change it to this.

More like Ser Arlan of Penistree, amirite

ICE Agents Begin Process of Arresting or Killing All 175 Million Witnesses to Their Latest Murder thehardtimes.net/breaking/ice...

[after getting 8 likes on a post about Dracula having sex with Bigfoot] I love Bluesky, but this isn't sustainable

Recurring dream where a Japanese woman tells me my penis has no honor

Once you're over 30, you should be able to ride a stationary bike at the gym with one ball hanging out

[releases helium-filled heart balloon] Me: You're free now Balloon: Ima choke a bird

今日は上司が魂に深い恥を感じるまで、死んだ魚で殴るつもりだ。

I'm getting word that the Superbowl has been canceled. There are no fun teams left

Caleb Williams holy shittttt

Has anyone ever tested his blood with a hot wire like they did in The Thing

[extremely nerd voice] my library

Just found another big metal sign to steal from work

How does Tom Homan manage to always have a mouthful of mashed potatoes during live interviews

Go Bears. Fuck the Packers. Abolish ICE.

PGA golfer, Scottie Scheffler was arrested for striking an officer with his car in a similar incident to the Minnesota woman. Scottie also was clearly moving away from the cop and the cop hung on to his car. Charges declined by DA next day and no one shot him.