I 100% agree with this analysis. #shivers

I forget where I buried my metal detector and I have no way of looking for it.

I'm guessing the makers of Tylenol didn't donate to trump or rfk jr...

No worries..no sadness…some are blessed not to be burdened with what others have to face everyday of their lives…. #Gratitude

barfing on the trash cans in the back alley at five oclock in the morning i'm feeling like i'm in my early 20's again #respect

If the Rapture is tomorrow and I don’t get taken at least I’ll finally get good seats at the Plaza Cafe in Santa Fe.

Well. Here I sit. Unraptured. It probably happened when I was in the bathroom, like most important things.

Morning friends. Is there enough sage for such things?

Oh crap, I accidentally said exactly what I wanted to, again.

Hey look, it's me tryna get thru the week

Attention: even if I only went on one date with you 17 years ago, in my mind, you’re been pining away for me since. Than you.

So...are they trying to conserve divine power or something? Is this a rolling rapture? Is the ecclesiastical grid overloaded? Surely the other side of the world would have reported on this by now, right? Or are they side-eyeing these US weirdos as much as I am?

With my luck, I will end up sleeping through the rapture.

I can’t imagine taking medical advice from our 2025 federal government. Also, I would guess some of our tax dollars might be tied up with a libel lawsuit from the makers of Tylenol. It’s dumb turtles all the way down.

I’d go to jail for a bit.

She whispered the three words every man my age wants to hear: "I've got Bengay."

The most indecent thought I've had lately is putting Icy Hot on a muscle that isn't sore, just for the thrill.

I fantasize about a world where "Get off my lawn!" is met with immediate, terrified compliance.

During the Rapture, I imagine the first few minutes will be surprisingly quiet, followed by the distant, escalating beep of a thousand abandoned Amazon delivery trucks in reverse.

The sky's way of saying, "Here's your 12 hours of light. Make it count, because the next six months are just a prelude to shoveling snow.”

Autumn the only day the planet isn't leaning. It's standing up straight to show off its new fall foliage, right before it slouches back into six months of seasonal affective disorder.

God almighty…to have such a pointless life that you have nothing better to do than make mountains out of molehills on social media. SMH

My Mom took Tylenol during pregnancy and now every 3 months I get drunk and post a completely harmless subskeet.

I hope the rapture is in the morning, I don’t want to work a full day and then get raptured at 5 o’clock.

There’s a guy at work we call The Computer. He’s not smart or anything, it’s that if we leave him alone for 10 minutes he goes into sleep mode.

I’m not expecting a rapture tomorrow. Maybe a rupture instead.

If birth control was made of chocolate, there'd be no unplanned pregnancies.

I didn't lose my mind, it's free derange.

I’m not in a weird mood, it’s a lifestyle.

Funniest thing I did today was cancelling my Hulu bundle after they announced bringing Kimmel back cuz fuck those assholes.

I put baby oil on my screen so I can skeet faster.

1st day of fall and I'm still writing spring on my checks.

Listen, rapture isn’t just a Blondie song, allegedly.

I spend 90% of my time thinking about what time I get to go to bed.

Want to get noticed? Go jogging without moving your arms.

Ok so as I recall this person also pondered injecting disinfectant in order to cure Covid? “Should’ve tried it” springs to mind. Sorry rambling again, must be my age

If the Padres win even just 1 game this postseason, they'll have more postseason wins from 2020-2025, than they did from all of 1969-2019

It’s an unsettled time in scouting, as teams shift how they acquire info about players. Against that backdrop, the Red Sox are cutting salaries of some longtime scouts - and at least one senior evaluator, intl scouting co-Director Todd Claus, is leaving the org. www.bostonglobe.com/2025/09/22/s...

Lucas Giolito’s season was going off the rails in early June - until a biomechanical intervention got him on track. A look at what was broken and how Giolito and the Sox fixed it: www.bostonglobe.com/2025/09/22/s...

Players who have hit more home runs in a season than Cal Raleigh: Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Babe Ruth, Aaron Judge, Roger Maris, Giancarlo Stanton. End of list.

Cocaine so white it clapped when the plane landed

The B-51’s

LOVERBOY ‘Working For The Weekend (Live In '82)' - Official Video

Sitting behind a keyboard has made 99% of you confident that you will never get throat punched

Me: *draws some good comics for the week ahead* The Rapture:

Atlanta GA

Since I’m in Greece, in a time zone 7-10 hours ahead of North America, I’ll do my best to give everyone Rapture updates and tips, because I care 😎 Also a rare opportunity to drop a bizarre Kiss themed rapture GIF.

Always wear a catcher’s mitt, just in case someone hurls a burrito at you. You can then be the victor rather than the victim.