This should be viral. This should be viral

heard an ace of base song in a commercial about taking probiotics to combat flatulence

When the soundtrack of a movie is a character, an overbearing, oafish idiot character

Maga dudes to men: hey soyboys your wife's boyfriend is maga, women prefer conservative men Maga dudes to women: I just don't think politics is relevant to my love life but if I had to answer that question I would call myself centrist, both sides are corrupt.

Why? What? How? Is he still in the White House?

there are times when you don’t even need to see it to know someone has a hole in the toe of their sock

Fuckin gross

wait I always thought this was from a microburst like the original reporting said krdo.com/news/2026/03...

This dollar store dental floss is amazingly bad

They know how unpopular they are

I took fewer than 1000 steps today because I got distracted by conic sections

Haven't seen a white guy wearing a tam in a super long time, so at least there's that

Immigration nazis violating international human rights laws

I deleted almost 1% of my junk emails today fuck yeah

good news, I have hit my bad news intake goals for the day

Marco Rubio would look siiick if he gauged out his lobes

Texas has its primaries today and though I have my own opinion as to who should win the primary and have the best chance of going on to win in Nov, I wish that everyone was voting on a single nonpartisan ballot, and that the top 5 all went on to the general which would be decided by ranked choice.

Move fast and break your own country

Good news for you all I’m on 5%. Not long now.

"it's a religious war" was yesterday, right? imo EVERY religious war is when we're TOLD the reasons are religious by narcissists who can't admit to themselves that they & their ilk are greedy, planet-ruining bastards

Many people note my "calming presence" and also that I'm "covered in some kind of bitter, dusty material" but never realize that the former is caused by the latter, which is in fact aerosolized lorazepam

the lion does not concern himself with 48 GB of data used

WE WILL BE WELCOMED AS LIBERATORS, I yell, as I walk into the dive bar I was banned from

Buried lede: Meta sends all your nudes to Kenya where humans annotate it and feed it to AI

If they want me back they have to go fully Woke 2, sorry. Whole hog. I gotta be able to get an abortion there

Since the Dow being above 50k meant we were supposed to forget about the Epstein Trump scandal, I guess having it go down 2,000 points in one day means we should start caring about it again, right?

Rich people don't seem to be onboard with paying more taxes for some reason

In my day, a charcuterie board was a sleeve of saltines on a cable spool table

New Mexico receives credible reports of child murder at the ranch, begins investigating, Trump's FBI takes over the case and stops the investigation www.yahoo.com/news/article...

Can you imagine saying this with a straight face?

Hey, Chicago, does anyone know of any mutual aid groups doing work in Back of the Yards or nearby areas? Trying to find help for a Venezuelan mom and her two girls and our regular orgs are swamped.

Yeah that guy is obviously insane

Hacksters -- the first cigarette for people with a cold

www.morningstaronline.co.uk/article/conv... www.lgbtqnation.com/2025/11/at-l...

Exactly

I think I've retweeted this twice but goddamn I hate this newspaper.

Did SAG-AFTRA rename the awards to make it a more saleable property, or is there some reason I am unable to think of

Sexual Incompatibility! At The Long Awaited Crush Hookup

crime should be illegal

Well zoot alors, I reckon

Morning everybody! Be careful your food doesn't have a little pebble in it today

What do you call a pedophile who assassinate’s a murderous dictator? A pedophile

Mr Roger’s: won’t you be my neighbor Me: Who did you vote for in the last 3 elections

Most people don't know that Margaret Thatcher was an incredible beatboxer

Got my average daily screen time down to 17 hours by not telling the app how often I'm simultaneously watching tv

Ketchup is surprisingly divisive.

I don't know the exact process determining trending topics on bluesky, but it's clearly not what people are posting about. I don't believe for one second that everybody is talking about some Israel-compromised, out of touch Democrat and not, like, that a girls' school got bombed

Camel Beauty Contest Botox Cheating Scandal is my favorite Mr. Bungle song

Don't forget to ignore LinkedIn for the rest of your life