Not true, you can't put Mike & Ike's into a bowl of M&Ms and really fuck with someone's day

Ok, but hear me out...

feed a man a fish, you feed him for a day but feed a fish a man and you'll feed them for generations. Do the long term greater good. Throw everyone to sharks.

FUCK ICE NOW AND FOREVER

My hottest parenting take is that Raffi is not only the great to ever do it, but he’ll probably never be bested. Michael Phelps-ass children’s songwriter.

For me, it's the guys pretending that it's about attracting women. If you're going to talk about your kink in a public forum, it seems silly/foolish to pretend it isn't a kink. "I like group sex because it's better exercise" or "getting flogged makes my skin more supple." Just own it.

these 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 things they neither lift nor peel. I can't remember the last time I didn't give up and stab the damn thing to get it open without dealing with this bullshit

A little bit of bolognese in my life, A little bit of pesto on the side, A little puttanesca here I am, A little bit of this goes in the pan.

Some people say we don’t build beautiful things anymore and, like, lol. Motherfuckers, we built this:

Today in Jeremy's salad: collard greens, hibiscus, blanket flowers, and cucumber

Although this reminds me of the very first time my mom came to a con and saw me on a panel, and @scalzi.com nobly volunteered to be my stunt profanity. “Whenever you want to say “fuck!” just poke me and I’ll say it instead.” MOM: Hon, I have been married three times and two of them were sailors.

He's worse than Roger Taney now. He's the worst Chief Justice in history, I'd say.

Kevin cheats

can we impeach someone for crimes against math

the irony of having a one-on-one HR layoff meeting in the conference room with my Loki mural on it

Roan demonstrated more moral courage than many powerful people in her decision to leave a talent agency after reports revealed the exec’s ties to Ghislaine Maxwell. Yet she received far more social backlash over a non-event than praise after taking a material risk for the sake of her principles.

This will only mean anything if the Dems find a fucking spine and shitcan Schumer from his leadership role. I’ll cheer if we take the senate. And I’ll also groan because I have ZERO FUCKING FAITH that the Dems taking the senate will do anything more the waffle and say “now is not the time”

me: trying to fall asleep my brain: ...what if he's already just three viziers in a trenchcoat

Tonight’s dumb napkin cartoon…

I can't stop laughing at this post. It's perfect.

some people may argue that The Beekeeper not high art but it contains a scene in which a scammer tries to bribe Jason Statham with NFTs and is immediately tied to a truck and driven off the bridge so who’s to say it is not the greatest cinematic accomplishment of our times

The Garden of Earthly Delights (detail), by Hieronymus Bosch, 1480-1505, 📸 by @alexbrandon

alex trebek in famous paintings: thread

Happy Easter to all, including the losers, the haters and the fuckin' crazy bastards

I’m so happy someone leaked the video LMFAO

Rick Astley did the anti-milkshake duck. Started as a joke, earned our respect through good humor and humility, keeps earning our respect through those & his musical covers, did the house dad thing to raise his daughter, and is headed into graceful elderdom. Hats off to him.

Yossarian gonna be PISSED

Someone sent me this.

the brobrahamic faiths: broseph (jewish), brohammed (muslim), and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk steve (christian)

"he has no point to make" would be harsh from a literary critic but andy weir says it about his own writing

The only tech product that has delivered on its promise of redefining its field while also preserving the best of the past is this

We’ve told all the casting agents that the Weird Al biopic sequel is currently on hold, but they just keep sending in headshots.

A group of ICE agents standing around in an airport is called a clusterfuck.

the US is having people die in completely avoidable incidents because it is run by people who have made a wholesale abdication of any notion of doing anything right or the public good

I don't normally subscribe to the "German has a word for it" thing because all languages can invent and borrow new words! That said, I can't stop thinking about "hobbyless" as an insult since I saw it a few days ago, so here you go It promotes a growth mindset!! www.tumblr.com/abbiistabbii...

He looks like he’s sneaking up on you while gripping a walker

I spoke to my calculator, what it said will shock you.

It's always fascinating to watch a book/film seamlessly transition from "All the smart people love this!" to "All the smart people hate this and always have!" See: "Where the Crawdads Sing."

I would like to personally award Afroman the Bluesky Medal of Valor for Exemplary Service in Bringing Back Shame

why does he look like this LMAO

Cornbread stole every scene.

My Ides of March fun fact is that the place where Caesar was stabbed is now a cat sanctuary, and I think it’s beautiful that creatures with tiny knives on their feet live there

are YOU sufficiently wary of the ides of March? BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH

The Strait of Hormuz is open for transit

current status

In the moment, I powered through, but as the evening went on and I got home, I realized more and more how upset I was. So I guess my point is, when someone gets punched, they don't always feel the pain right away. The adrenaline keeps them moving forward. Watch out for your friends.

ooooh temu figured out it's now shorthand for "cheap off-brand garbage" and is not happy about it