Working on my Jerry Halloween costume

my 5am self is the most ambitious asshole

making an ender pack

Normalize saying "I wholeheartedly agree with me" during a conversation

Sorry, this isn’t what I ordered. It’s got too many humans on it

I was shutdown before it was cool to be shutdown

permission to lib out, sir

Leaving the house doesn’t really go with my outfit

Back at BSKY to vent about our stupid society after the briefest hiatus of being happy

It's with a heavy sigh that I follow you back.

Today’s outrage>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>last weeks school shooting outrage

Why are u following me I have no sandwich for u

You’re getting mad at me and I’m over here like

Every day a new test of my composure.

fuck it we ball up and cry

the hippos aren’t even hungry hungry they’re just bored

waiting to be absorbed by nature

they should write a song about staying in bed eating snoballs

Pumpkin spice internment camps

Oh I thought u said cunt tent

I don’t know what I did to deserve the onslaught of you new followers but whatever it is, I take it back

If your boxers have firecracker burn holes you might be a red neck

*seductively harvests your data*

Crouton sharp enough to kill a man

Me: your support dog is so cute and well behaved. If you don’t mind me asking, what was the process u had to go thru to get a support animal? Old man: oh I just bought this vest on Amazon so the grocery clerks don’t give me any more shit for bringin him in. Me: …alrighty then. Sounds good.

Save the drama for your coma

4 Non Blonde Brownies

I got out of bed. What more do u want from me. ~magnum opus

Happy Saturday or as I like to call it “lay in bed and disassociate on Bluesky until my bladder bursts Day”

Showing you my beak. Reassuring you it is virtually indigestible.

It’s not even real it’s on a computer. Like, who cares really

My ass wild, as you know

The only advanced math I actually needed to know was averages, which explains a lot

made you look

Who knew playing Christmas music in July would be a mood elevator.

Does my mental breakdown make this full moon look big?

Live Laugh Leroy Brown

would prefer a notification that I’m pretty

when i repost you i’m absorbing your powers

So mad about time and space rn. Furious.

notify me when there's a delete the internet button

my character arch peeks when my antique frisbee collection is discovered

idgaf about shapes just call it pasta and meat

That’s twice this week you’ve called out with fenty bends and it’s only Monday

A bee went in my car so I guess it’s his now

Words should only have one or two syllab.

So beyond over Independence Day I’m already putting up Halloween decorations

Opting out of the self immolating and nominating someone very special to immolate

Just destroyed my son’s lemonade stand on Yelp