I may be annoying, but at least I've never recorded myself putting on makeup.

The entire world when that Kash guy announces anything:

🎃🎃

the problem with doing WW2 revisionism on here is that everyone on this website is a thirty eight year old nerd who spent all of high school reading WW2 history books

This administration, on a daily basis, does un-Constitutional, rule-breaking, and illegal things that they "don't have the right to do" or "shouldn't be able to do." They have never been stopped. Thinking "oh, well, they won't do this OTHER thing they are not supposed to do" is insane to me.

"Fuck you. Make me." has become my latest philosophy. Easy to understand and straight to the point.

clonazeposting through it

I do wonder how many people have the word butthole muted and how many people miss out on my shenanigans

I like to keep mints in the car just in case I need to have 12 for breakfast

Would you care to join me in screaming or do you like to keep the adrenaline locked in?

If i don’t respond to you… it’s because i know the difference between people who disagree with me And people who want to harm me

if I could just be funny, cool, or rich. any one of those would be great.

more like crapture amirite

DISNEY: "OK, we are putting Jimmy Kimmel back on the air. You can resubscribe now." ME: "I unsubscribed because you immorally bowed to fascism. I'm not going to resubscribe because you immorally bowed to finances."

This meeting could have been three beers at an afternoon baseball game

I was last Thursday years old when I leaned what a ‘rizzler’ was. unrelated, I feel old af.

I am a bisexual rizzler that only eats Tylenol in preparation for the rapture.

Does Nobel offer a “World’s Biggest Asshole” prize?

under-caffeinated & menopausal… proceed with caution & a note from your doctor.

Remember when people would hide their uninformed opinions? Remember when folks had shame?

How am I supposed to diet when everything requires me to eat my feelings

This is your regular reminder that a lot of what exists as "misinformation" today comes about because of "civility" and not saying "you're a fucking idiot for believing that trash" early, and often.

We are living in the stupidest timeline. And every day it gets more stupider.

Reservoir Dogs (1992) Written and Directed by Quentin Tarantino.

Sitting at my desk chugging Tylenol until I know how to use Linux.

embracing my insanity by expecting a different result this time

*talking to crossing guard* Guy: That's a pretty dog you got there! Ours is having her 1st day as a therapy dog at my wife's school. Me: That's great! Pretty sure mine needs therapy.

Rapture is cancelled again 😂

Happy rapture day! Please aim yourself at the sky in an orderly fashion so the rest of us can inherit your house

not sure how many times a day I mumble ‘wtf’, but in this reality, it’s not enough.

On a scale of bed rotting to zombie apocalypse daydreams, how dead inside are you?

Cutting cocaine with Tylenol just to feel something

Downloaded all the free TV streaming services so I can browse everything I don’t want to watch

We walked so they could run.

What if the rapture actually did happen but literally everyone sucked too much, so it was unnoticeable lol

Just once I want to read about how she lit up every room she walked out of

Rapture Review: ★☆☆☆☆ Service was terrible, no one showed up to collect me. Sat outside all morning with sandals on for nothing.

Thank god my mom just did Valium and Virginia Slims when she was pregnant with me

You say religious demagoguery like it's a bad thing

Today would be a great day to stroll around and randomly emit an evil giggle and do the ubiquitous "devil horns" to people you don't know.

Apparently, The Rapture is TODAY! youtu.be/pHCdS7O248g

Breaking news- A man who can’t even pronounce acetaminophen advises pregnant women not to take it because it can cause Autism

When someone asks a woman if she took Tylenol while pregnant, the better reply is, “No, but my husband’s sperm was old as sin. Those 50-year-old guys should probably leave those 18-year-old girls alone. But why would we ever ban being creepy as hell.

as a woman, I don’t take medical advice from someone who doesn’t hold a medical degree & couldn’t locate a clitoris - even with GPS assistance. imma weirdo like that 🤷🏻‍♀️

My sight grows dim with age, wait *turns on kitchen light* false alarm

Wait they planned the rapture for bisexual visibility day girl bye

Bad news… I wasn’t raptured. You assholes are stuck with me